<p>Hello, this is my first post on this forum but I've been browsing here for awhile. I'm going to be a freshman at NYU this coming autumn and I have just received my housing assignment. I'm sharing a university "apartment" with four people, two in each bedroom. When I received my roommates and suite-mates names I looked them up on thefacebook.com and saw that my roommate was "interested in men" and likes to read "homosexual books". He also links to his xanga site which has a huge background picture of two males caressing each other. I consider myself liberal and have absolutely nothing against gay people, but I feel very uncomfortable at the thought of having to live with one. I've asked my parents for advice and they feel that I should ask for another roommate. I'm going to call the housing office tomorrow but I think that since residences have been assigned they won't be able to do much. I would very much appreciate any advice from any of you and please don't think that I am a bigot or intolerant.</p>
<p>Actually, it's better to try to change housing assignments now than later.
But I have to say that, coming from a very different culture, I was rather shocked at the heterosexual shenanigans that my roommate indulged in. Since there was no warning, I did not have a chance to sexile myself. And half the time, I was already in bed when she and bf came in ready to be amorous.</p>
<p>vnewyork when I saw the title of your post I immediately remembered my friend telling me the story about dropping her s off at college 7 yrs ago. He was already in a bad mood due to having a cold, but when he got to his dorm room matters were made worse because his roommate turned out to be gay and had decorated the room with pink flamingos and similar decor. As it turned out, things worked out just fine. They had a very frank discussion right away and there were never any problems. The school? NYU.</p>
<p>(1) Do not tell them that you do not want to live with someone or are uncomfortable because your roommate is gay. As soon as you say that, they will NEVER change your room. Find some other reason to change: allergies, distance from classes, work schedule, anything other than that.</p>
<p>(2) This will probably not enable you to change at this stage. But most will let you change AFTER the first two weeks. The only reason you HAVE to give is that you want a room change. Usually you do not have to give any other reason. At that point, universities will have figured out where there are empty spacies, and they will let you switch to a facility of comparable price. </p>
<p>(3) Having a gay roommate is okay, and there is a 99% chance you will never have any problems and you will have a positive relationship. He will be interested in finding other gay students with whom to associate, not in trying to convert or seduce you. Having a gay roommate is no different from having a roommate who has different social or political views than you. Do not rule this out until you get to know him.</p>
<p>However you should be able to figure this out within the first two weeks or so.
College is about growing up and encountering new challenges. Good luck. </p>
<p>P.S. Our son had two successive gay roommates (random assignment), he is quite straight, and he had absolutely no problems. In fact he achieved a comfort level of banter and humor with both about their differences. Probably he will function more comfortably in society because of that.</p>
<p>I went to a college-style program called Governor's School for six weeks two years ago at a college in NC. My roomate was bisexual and there was no MAJOR problems with the situation at all. </p>
<p>She never tried to sway my sexuality in any way. I'd give it two weeks.</p>
<p>This is a touchy area. While I would not fear a come on from the roomie, after all gays don't like rejection any more than anyone else, I could be concerned about his activities in the room. Imagine a situation like Marite discribed with a gay roomie...</p>
<p>I don't know if the advice in post 4 is good or not. I think you'd be better off calling anonymously to the housing office to ask about their assignment policy relative to sexual orientation. They may be totally supportive of a change, but if not, they don't know who called, so no repercussions.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that you are a customer of the U, that this is a sensitive subject.</p>
<p>Housing offices do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, religion, national origin, handicap, veteran status. As an institution they have committed to this policy. NYU is very progressive and at the forefront of supporting LGBT rights. This is not advice, this is the legal structure and procedures of institutional policy and how it is reflected in housing.</p>
<p>It's not a matter of discrimination, but finding the right match. Housing offices try to match people who go to bed more or less at the same time; who enjoy more or less the same kind of music, who describe themselves as neat freaks or untidy.</p>
<p>Yes that is true, and if those are your reasons after a couple of weeks, those are good explanations to request change. Any of the protected classifications are not valid reasons to change, particularly before you have even met the person. To reject a roommate on the basis of race, religion, or sexual orientation is the very essence of discrimination, and higher education teaches people to make judgements on the basis of knowledge and experience, not stereotypes and prejudgement.</p>
<p>I am sure you will be labeled a total bigot by the hippies at the housing office if you say you were not comfortable living with a homosexual. Thusly take lorelei2702's advice and make something up to get a different room assignment. Forget the two week crap, if you have reservations about it now, it will only get worse.</p>
<p>I had a gay room mate at NYU 40 years ago. He was a great guy. He hadn't come out in the beginning , but every one (except perhaps him) knew. He came out shortly thereafter. He even became an officer of his fraternity.</p>
<p>He never came on to me and had friends of his own. </p>
<p>BTW, you should realize that at NYU, you will be only a few blocks away from the very heart of the very out gay world in the West Village. You won't be able to avoid contact with gays pretty much anywhere you go. Sheridan Square is where the Stone Wall Riot took place in 1969 which formed the present gay commmunity. </p>
<p>If you can possibly, give it a try.</p>
<p>To the OP-- have you thought about it from the roommate's perspective? You're worried about being uncomfortable; he's probably worried about being harrassed, beat up or worse.</p>
<p>"Housing offices do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, religion, national origin, handicap, veteran status."</p>
<p>Does NYU allow a heretosexual male to request to live with a heterosexual female as a freshman? If not, why are they so SEXIST? "there is a 99% chance you will never have any problems and you will have a positive relationship" (sorry, Lorelei2702, if I am using your quote out of context, but I think it is appropriate here.) All of these various liberal schools use such a stupid DOUBLE STANDARD that it is ridiculous. Any female student who did not want to be forced to have a heterosexual male roommate would be accommodated (FOR OBVIOUS REASONS). She would not have to dance around and pretend that she did not like the room, or that she had allergies, etc. Why can a male student not request to not have a gay male roommate? What is the difference? Obviously, there is NO difference. Just as a female will need to get along with heterosexual males in order to succeed in college, business, or whatever, a male will also need to get along with gay males in order to succeed in college and in business. But WHY is a female NOT forced TO LIVE WITH a heterosexual male whereas a male student would be forced to live with a gay male? Can someone please explain the logic to me? If my son had been been assigned such a roommate and wanted out, I am sure I would bring up such topics to the student housing office. There is a HUGE difference between having a policy where you cannot harrass gays, or anyone else (which I am infavor of), and forcing someone to live with a gay roommate. Unfortunately, I do not think that the ACLU would be in a hurry to take on such an OBVIOUS discrimination case.</p>
<p>I am sure I will be called a bigot and a "homophobe" by various liberals on CC. However, before you criticize me, please answer this one question. How many of you would like your freshman daughter to be forced to share a dorm room with a heterosexual male?</p>
<p>I am less concerned about whether the roommate and the OP will be comfortable with each other than with the ease of changing rooms once on campus. As I related, one can be made uncomfortable with a roommate who has the same sexual orientation as oneself but does not respect one's privacy.
Some longtime posters have either posted or privately told me of instances where their child's roommate was actually threatening phsyical harm (and being serious, not joking about it) and yet the housing office refused to intervene. In one case, the kid had to move out to a hotel.
I personally feel it's much easier to change rooming assignments before the bodies are on campus than afterwards.</p>
<p>pafather: there is distinction in the law: colleges and universities are allowed to discriminate on the basis of gender for the purposes of housing, athletic teams, fraternity and sorority membership, bathroom facilities, and in selected other situations. University policy and in some cases the law (state and municipal law such as in NYC and Washington, DC) prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, therefore, normally universities do not assign men and women to live in the same room. However, some universities have policies which will permit male and female students to share the same residence hall room, when both students specifically request it. All of these are settled issues among housing professionals. </p>
<p>Clearly there are roommates who cannot live together. Hopefully, however the situations are resolved, all involved will mature and learn from the experience, in a way consistent with the mission of a university setting. The question posed was how to effect a change, and the advice offered was meant to help the student achieve what he thought he wanted and needed.</p>
<p>pafather: you took my exact thoughts to the next level. :)</p>
<p>lorelei - in the case of a homosexual and heterosexual being forced to live together it would be unclear who was being discriminated against. Afterall being forced to live in intimate quarters with somebody who may be sexually attracted to you could be seen as being pretty hard on the object of desire.</p>
<p>But that said being a gay boy isn't catching and if I were the op I'd give the arrangement a shot. The room mate like most roommates will probably turn out to be a pretty decent guy once you get to know him and at least you won't have to worry about him poaching your girlfriend. Beside if he falls in love with you you can probably get him to make your bed and do the laundry.</p>
<p>Haverford and Swarthmore (i think) had some students who felt the same way, and now males and females can room together if they want to. Nonsexual relations, of course, are expected</p>
<p>NY law governs nondiscrimination for employment, but NYU's housing policy is:</p>
<p>"Roommate Requests for a particular transfer roommate are honored if both of you request each other as roommates on your housing applications (or later requests to the Housing Office), ask for the same residence hall and other assignment options, and space is available. Or you may instead use the on-line Roommate Matching Preferences questionnaire to request assignment as far as possible with a roommate who indicates similar preferences about room use, organization, and lifestyle.</p>
<p>All rooms and apartments are same sex. Smoking/nonsmoking/either requests are honored based on the application information provided by each student. Roommate requests based upon race, color, religion, sexual orientation, physical characteristics, or national origin cannot be accepted. "</p>
<p>Although I admit that I was relatively miffed by the OPs concern, I appreciate his effort to remain sensative. However, I do think that comments like "nancy boy" made by another poster cross the line. A blatant misconception is that all homosexuals are feminine and/or promiscuous. Gay people are a diverse group - they do in fact deviate from media portrayals of sterotypical homosexuals. In fact, outside of their sexual orientation, I'd go as far as saying..well, they're pretty much like straight people. Staying within the lines of stereotypes, a gay man can just as easily enjoy sports as the next straight guy and a lesbian can just as easily endulge in a Chanel dress. A singular attribute like sexual orientation is hardly an overriding determinant of who a person is. We do the same jobs, eat the same foods, have similar concerns, etc. </p>
<p>Don't worry about a gay guy coming on to you. We gay men are hardly out to get every straight guy we encounter. Gay men are reasonable people who seek out the affections of other gay men (not because we are afraid of rejection).</p>
<p>Although I am somewhat bias (I'm gay), I think you should give it a shot. He's your roommate, he doesn't ahve to be your best friend. Just establish an amicable relationship. College is about learning to adjust to an [more] adult enviornment, and learning to live with diverse individuals.</p>
<p>I'll briefly relate my own freshman roommate experience as a way to address the concerns of the OP.</p>
<p>During the summer before my freshman year, I received a letter of introduction from my soon-to-be freshman roommate. After a quick read-through, I was absolutely horrified. My roommate was a nontraditional student, a guy starting college after 3 years in the military. I thought to myself, "A gay guy and a soldier living in the same room!?!" I thought it would be a terrible situation, a total clash of personalities, outlooks, and background. I freely admit that I too have my prejudices.</p>
<p>However, after that initial awkward phase inherent to many first time encounters, we got along brilliantly. I liked his cool, laidback personality and he got a kick out of my many neurotic tendencies. In fact, we were roommates again the following year.</p>
<p>He didn't confide in me until later that he was initially uncomfortable as well. He had formed his ideas about gay people during his adolescent years and his stint in the military (no, they weren't exactly positive). It was an awkward situation in the beginning, but we both learned a lot from the experience and established a great friendship.</p>