I need some solid advice because my world is spinning and there isn’t a common factor anywhere i don’t want to give up on my life
I’m 20, and time is running out. This is not how I planned my life, let the venting begin:
I switched majors so much it’s a joke even workers who either didn’t finish school or graduated with some art degree make fun of me for switching so much it’s just sad now.
I went from accounting to management to back to account to now engineering. I came from a tech school so our math was not great the highest course offered was pre calc we did not take physics.
I had STEM careers in my mind for a long time. (I took Chem in high school and loved it) I never experienced science I don’t know I just always dodged it until senior year of high school and I liked it. I did business because my math wasn’t up there and with all the switching the only thing I really climbed was the math path from pre Alegbra to now calculus.
Before I even entered college I was pre med but I couldn’t take any because at the time my math was too low but now it’s fine but I’m looking for engineering, there’s pros and cons I’m going to say it all and I want your honest opinion.
I have no background In any science. Even though I loved chem, that was 2 years ago. I do not know ANYTHING. I am 100% eager and able to learn it all, but it seems so impossible… I’m taking my first intro class and I was very excited but it seems like people just know things that I don’t it’s very discouraging and makes me really upset because I really don’t want to switch again I told everyone and I know they’re just waiting for me to switch I don’t care that much but it’s still a thought and engineering to me just fits me because that issue, I love to be creative, to think outside the box, to invent. And not to be weird it’s kind of a fetish… Some courses reading them gets me really excited it’s like omg I want to take it and learn it all. I have a feitish for engineering men as well. Just everything turns me on. (Except the fact I don’t know it)
I’m a month in and idk sh*t my professor spends a whole class on one HW problem we did not even do the lecture it just sucks and it makes me so sad because I looked forward to this and it was my escape. People tell me you have to study hard and that’s what I wanted I don’t want any social life I just want to do engineering lock myself in my room and study and not have any interaction I have been betrayed so much my college social dream is shattered i know it’s too much info but I just want to get that out every time I go to get advice they tell me “I will not have a social life” I want to scream because I know this and I will cut all ties I don’t even have a family it’s iust my dad and I anyways and he works a lot. Even though I don’t have the knowledge NOW… I just think it’s for me. I want to do computer science. When I was young I used to design my own cellphones and MP3 players, I also used to write letters to Nintendo (LAME I KNOW) and other places telling them ideas (it’s funny looking back because I was seven)
I really want to do engineering but I also want to know what I’m getting myself into. I get very anxious when I don’t know something my legs get numb and It sometimes leads to me wanting to hurt myself, it’s just fustarting when I don’t know what’s going on and neither does my professor it makes me cry that I am even here right now at 20 still jumping majors and my math is still an issue and now science is adding to it!! I expected them to teach my stuff, it’s just so terrible right now. Someone if you’re reading this please reach out. I want to do it but I also don’t want to be in my junior year failing and failing and then waiting until then to switch.
Now with that background tell me this:
If I put in the time. (6 hours a day of studying) 2 classes a day 3 hours study time each WILL I BE FINE? Do I really have to switch it up AGAIN but for this time being too dumb? I hate myself. I can’t go back to business, I hated it I kept trying and trying and clearly it’s not for me especially when I keep having STEM careers literally yelling in my brain. I hear voices all the time of people just making fun of me and making me feel so stupid I feel so stupid just venting on here at 1:30 AM just still lost about college it’s effecting my ENTIRE life I am so depressed I managed to have all my friends leave me my co workers think I’m a hot mess. Inside I feel like I can do it but I also feel like if there’s stuff that I am YEARS behind like there’s no way I can learn a year of physics that these kids Learned in high school in like a semester SEPERATE from my studying time I already have my dad annoying the f*ck out of me with moving out. I feel like a big fly that’s just getting uglier and uglier, I used to be so energetic and bright and happy and now I just feel so disgusting I feel like I just want to join the marines or just get in my car and keep driving and driving.
God bless you if you are willing to tell me the truth