Since UChicago house sizes are relatively small, what happens if a student steps in it and alienates his/her housemates within the first few months with their disorderly conduct and/or rude behavior? Are they doomed to isolation or can they recover?
What are their options? Looks like small intimate living arrangements have their own challenges no?
What options do they have?
Well, first of all - don’t do that. Usually if that happens they find friends outside the house, move houses, or try to repair the relationship (sometimes with the help of their RAs).
If you’re really worried about living a house where people might shun you, don’t live in BJ or Snitchcock. I don’t think that’s a problem in the other dorms so much (maybe I-House).
@HydeSnark I have mild ADHD, so I don’t read social cues very well and sometimes say and do things that other folks find offensive. It’s been a struggle in high school making friends. I worry about social dynamics in college. Girls can be very cruel at times and I’ve had vicious rumors spread about me in school based on a few unfortunate incidents where despite keeping it together most of the time I sometimes slip and said something without filtering.
I’m worried about how I will fare in college. It would be devastating and so isolating if my house turned against me
@nevrgiveup That’s definitely something you should talk to your RA about. The nice thing about college is that it can teach you a lot of these social skills (and they are skills, something you can work on). Not everyone is going to like you and you aren’t going to like everyone, but most people make friends, even if they don’t get along well with their house.
Most houses are not like high-school cliques. Most UChicago students aren’t in the ostracism business. Thanks to limited familiarity with U.S. social norms, and a historian’s mindset (“Here’s the kind of thing people might have said…”) I have used some extremely offensive words. My housemates made it very clear why they didn’t want to hear said words in a conversation, and then we all moved on.
Maybe other houses are different, but everyone here is smart and knows it - GPA-related stress notwithstanding. The upshot is that very few people feel a need to prove their superiority by dragging others down or sidelining them over innocent mistakes.
@HydeSnark @DunBoyer thanks for those encouraging words. For me, social skills are definitely much more difficult than acing a test!!
I step in it quite often and then spend lots of time making amends. Will definitely do better in a more forgiving environment.
@nevrgiveup as a mom of three ADHD/ASD kids, I can assure you that college will be a different ballgame - thankfully! UChicago does attract its share of quirky kids, some of whom are highly developed cognitively but who struggle in other aspects (social skills, for instance). So you will more than likely find your place and a home in the College.
Having said that, you might want to check in with disability services just to see what they can offer to assist your transition to college. They clear the way for things like accommodations (if you feel those might be needed then be sure to send them your eval. report so they can go over it and have you in for intake promptly); they may also be able to direct you to group counseling or other services associated with your diagnosis. Definitely check them out - you can always decline the accommodations or even an intake session, but if you need either it’s harder to get them as the school year progresses.
You will want to share your diagnosis not only with your RA but with your instructors, to help smooth out any possible bumps in the road during the school year. (note: if you have any accomodations you will definitely need to make sure your instructors are aware). They will all appreciate the heads-up and do their best to help and support you. ASD/ADHD kids may have social skill issues, sensory issues, crowd issues, etc. that people w/o any exposure or experience simply won’t understand and may misinterpret as a result, so speaking up at the beginning is the best way to help yourself do your best at school.
Good luck to you!
@JBStillFlying Thank you!