Hi, I recently filled out my housing application for college and got assigned to my first choice dorm which is also considered the nicest on campus (yay!). However, when they told me my roommate assignment I looked her up on social media and found out she is a sophomore. I /really/ don’t want to live with a sophomore. I don’t need my roommate to be my best friend or for us to do everything together, but it would be nice to be housed with someone taking the same or similar classes, and who is at the same point in life. I think living with another freshman would be a better situation for me because it would be easier to become friends and do stuff together. Not saying I couldn’t be friends with someone a year older, but I assume she already has her own group of friends and by the looks of it a boyfriend. Also, I’m part of the LGBT community and since I can’t look up her matching profile (they only gave me her name not her match number) I have no idea if she ticked “no” or “yes” on the “I’m willing to live with someone LGBT” question. I don’t live in the most progressive state cough tennessee cough and I’m terrified to live with someone who essentially hates me because of who I date. Is there any way I can request to live with a freshman instead? Does anyone on here have experience living with someone who is older and has been at school longer? Any help or advice is greatly appreciated
(also sorry if this isn’t allowed or is on the wrong forum I had no idea where it fit best)
The surprise of your roommate seems pretty fresh! It sounds like your issues are mainly fear – which is not surprising. Fear seems normal considering all of the changes that are coming towards you right now: a new community, new school expectations, new place to live, how do I get food? Who will my friends be?
Trying to control your roommate seems quite reasonable to me in light of all of the other expectations ahead.
That being said, I think that rationally it’s unclear that having a freshman instead of a sophomore will change things all that much. A freshman and a sophomore, all other things being equal, both can be best friends with you – or be that horrid roommate that you never want to see again. or something comfortable in between, which is most likely. The year of the student won’t change that factor very much.
Whether your roommate is accepting of LGBT+ people is a harder question, but again I don’t think that freshman vs sophomore helps to control that very much.
Probably the best thing is to reach out to this person and get to know them a little before you start school. You can write physical letters to each other, just for fun. You can talk about what equipment to bring to your shared room. You can come up with rules of conduct that you both feel you can live with (what time to set alarms in the morning, when are quiet study hours, what to do if someone wants privacy in the room for awhile – what signal will you use? do you take off your shoes when entering to keep it clean or do you keep them on, etc.)
By doing that no only can you control your room situation, but you will start a dialogue with this person and get to know him or her or them. You will have a “culture” set up in your room so that you can discuss other issues as they arise.
Also, it may be that this “sophomore” is a transfer student and is also new on campus. This person may be just as apprehensive as you right now and could maybe use someone reaching out to them.
You have nothing to lose by contacting the housing office and asking the question.
That said, my DD’s friend was assigned to a sophomore and it ended up being fantastic. The sophomore was super helpful in navigating campus, helped with studying, and was more calmed and settled. She felt like she was living with a mentor.
There is no guarantee that you’ll be living with someone taking the same classes or in the same major. My daughter is in a quad and they are all in different colleges with in the university and have zero overlap in courses. That’s actually been a positive because it has expanded the social circle for all of them.
I also think that housing would be mindful of the LGBTQ pairing. Even in conservative states, college campuses tend to be very liberal leaning.
Be prepared that if you do go back into the housing pool, you may not get your preferred dorm.
Thank you both so much. You’re right I did just find out and the closer I get to leaving for school the more apprehensive I get. Maybe because it’s just starting to feel real. I did also apply to a living learning community which could change not only my roommate but also the dorm I’m in so I think I just need to remind myself to breathe and see what happens. If I don’t get assigned to the llc I’ll definitely reach out to her, and maybe we’ll have more in common than I think. Thank you for your kind words, it’s really helpful to hear from other people
Will there be freshmen in the rooms around you? If so, it will be easy to make friends with people in your class.
ALso, i have found that roomate assignments are fluid. Sometimes you find out it is someone else.
Having a sophomore roommate may have advantages…they may have books you could use or tell you what professors to avoid.
One of my daughters was housed with a junior her freshman year. It worked out well. They were not super close, but were friends and they remained friends the following year.
I don’t think that this should be a problem.
Also, being lesbian or gay is pretty common on university campuses these days.
“breathe and see what happens”
Exactly. I understand that you are getting nervous before going off to university. This is a big transition and it is perfectly normal to be nervous. However, I think that you will be fine.
I had a sophmore roommate my freshman year of college and it was awesome! We got along great and I loved all her friends. I had a big group of friends from day 1 because of her. This might be the best thing that ever happened to you.
My son was placed with a sophomore when he was a freshman. He thought it was great! His roommate gave him a lot of valuable advice about the school, places to go and things to do, classes to take and those to avoid… it really made his freshman year easier.
It is similar to my daughter’s upcoming college situation. Her pending roommate has an older brother who is an alumni and who is telling them everything about the school and the city bordering the campus. They love it and it is a big help. A sophomore is not so much older and you should be able to get pointers on how things actually work at your school. Part of the college experience is figuring out the administration part of being there - how to get what you need.
I was a sophomore paired with a freshman. We got along great. She left school the following year, but came back the next and we roomed together again for my senior year and her junior year. We are still friends today.
