<p>Erinsdad is correct in stating that the RA was not shirking responsibilty by asking the students to go to the offenders first. </p>
<p>There are several reasons for this: first, grown-ups need to solve their own problems, and this is a way to practice those problem-solving skills. It may also prevent the problem from blowin up larger than it already is. It’s one thing to go to them and say, “hey, you may not realize it but your noises carry, and I have problems sleeping because of it; please tone it down in respect for quiet hours” and another to get the RA involved. Then tempers can flare and new problems start. </p>
<p>By dragging the RA in off the bat, the OP risks getting a reputation as the trouble-maker, not the kids making the noise; being labeled whiner, tattle-tale, all kinds of new issues.</p>
<p>When my daughter was training for RA duty, she was told to help students probem solve on their own before intervening. One step at a time: try to resolve it alone, ask the RA’s to host a mediation meeting, then move up to higher authority if needed.</p>
<p>You know, I think the average 18 yo should have the skills to be able to go up to a fellow student and say brightly, nicely and politely, “I don’t know if you’re aware, but we can hear you from below, can you please keep it down after hours? Thanks so much and see you around!” without needing an RA to tell him or her how to do so. That’s just a basic life skill. Involve the RA if they tell you to f-off, ignore you completely, or get aggressive by talking more loudly just to annoy you. </p>
<p>One of the things that D’s college stressed at orientation was that as the students brought up problems to their parents, a good response was not to solve it for them (tempting as it might be) but to say back to them, “Hmm, what do you think you should do about that?”</p>
<p>KK mama – had the RA done his/her job and explained rules at the getgo, this might have been easier. Apparently the RA did not. Telling someone to resolve something when YOU didnt do your job is not good enough. Now the quiet kid is stuck in a worse position. Instead of quiet kid, asking, please keep it down after hours, the noisy kids were not informed as they should have been. Also, telling someone to “resolve” something is not good enough. They should be suggesting how to resolve. This RA is coming up short. </p>
<p>I would suggest quiet kid NICELY email RA, heah, I dont think some residents are aware of quiet hours. Can you inform theM?</p>
<p>Pizza girl – when people are paid to do a job (as in free room), kid should be taught life skill of requesting that they do their job.</p>
<p>Oh good grief, kayf. It’s just not the big deal you’re making it out to be to approach a fellow student and say, “Hey there, how’s it going, you may not be aware but we can hear every word you say quite loudly, would you mind keeping it down after X hour, appreciate it, those darn walls, kthxbai!” This is just not a big ordeal. And part of MY job as a parent was to ensure that my kids could handle minor life situations without having to run back to authority figures unless a situation was out of one’s control. </p>
<p>If an 18 yo can’t go and politely ask another student to keep it down in a reasonable manner, how is this same kid ever going to navigate a public transportation schedule, make arrangements to meet with a professor who has limited availability, make doctor’s appointments, navigate other bureaucracies that he or she may encounter in life?</p>
<p>Pizza, can we stop with the “oh good grief”. It may not be a big deal to me or you, but it obviously was to the OP and roommates. I think the RA was wrong in telling them to resolve it. RA could have said “have you spoken to them” I think kids will grow in college. If college wants to have RAs (the cost of which WILL be born by students dorming), the RAs should be held to their job. Isnt that part of life?</p>
<p>Yes, and that’s the point. The OP let it go on for 3 weeks and is already thinking about “maybe I’ll commute from home instead,” which strikes me as an incredibly passive approach and not one that will suit the OP well in navigating college life.</p>
<p>And what’s the difference between the RA saying, “Have you spoken to them?” or “It’s up to you guys to resolve it”?</p>
<p>Exactly! But from a customer service point of view, the RA has to give the impression that he is supportive of the quiet kid. </p>
<p>As an RA, I would have said something like “Here’s the plan. I’ll re-announce quiet hours to the whole group. You personally get a hold of noisy kid and let them know that their noise after quiet hours is keeping you up and could they please respect quiet hours. If that doesn’t resolve the problem, then I’ll get involved.”</p>
<p>As a human race, we could all use dispute resolution technique classes. It doesn’t come naturally.</p>
<p>My D is an RA and at the first floor meeting of of the year and every meeting after that the rules are reviewed and discussed. It IS the responsibility of the RA to make sure everyone knows and abides by the rules. Ironically she had a similar problem the first night of move in, the day before her official floor meeting. Two boys across the hall from were playing their music very loud and disturbing the rest of the people on the floor. She went to talk to them and asked them to turn it down and respect the POSTED (this is important to me) quiet hours, one of them told her to F off. At that point she informed them that exessive noise and especially verbal abuse will not be tolerated. Again it was kind of funny because other students came into the hall hearing the discussion going on and when the boys finally realized that intimidation would not work they turned down the music closed their door and were not heard from. Everyone on the floor cheered and my D went to her room shaking but proud that she did not back down. Hopefully she has laid the groundwork for her floor on day 1.</p>
<p>Pizza, there is a big difference between “Have you spoken to them?” or “It’s up to you guys to resolve it”? One is coaching kid HOW to resolve it, and not just walking away. Isnt that what you do at work – coach people how to resolve problems? </p>
<p>I like Ellens answer better. The point is that the RA has to have some involvement, even as a backup. What if kid thinks resolution is to buy expensive fan etc. Not right. What if kid thinks resolution is to move out. I would be upset if I were RD and I found out.</p>
<p>As any teacher will tell you, making clear rules and enforcing them early on and consistently is the key to class control. I doubt Percussiondad’s D will have any problems on her floor this year.</p>
<p>Helped a friend at a Boston area university do exactly that when he was faced with a next door neighbor who was noisy in his freshman dorm back when we were freshmen in the mid’90s. A friend and I sent him NKOTB and Vanilla Ice CDs*. He then proceeded to set up his boombox to face their shared wall, engaged the endless loop setting, cranked the volume to the max, and started it right before he left for his 8 am class. </p>
<p>Within 3 days, the loutish hair-metal playing neighbor who ignored the friend’s and the RA’s repeated request to quiet down after midnight got the message. What was more funny was that since quiet hours ended at 7 am and the neighbor ignored previous complaints…he had no grounds to complain when the tables were turned on him. Granted…it is a bit cruel to subject anyone to endless loops of songs like “Ice Ice Baby.” :)</p>
<ul>
<li>Good way to get rid of embarrassing gag gifts from jokester friends or clueless older relatives…and for a great cause. :D</li>
</ul>
<p>Some of you have said that the RA is getting paid to be there and take responsibility for their position. To toot my Ds horn a little she is doing it basically for free. The college she attends offers on International Incentive which is ALMOST equivalent to the cost of room and board. When she became an RA she was informed that the only thing she would get is a guaranteed private room and the stipend they provide. They subtracted the cost of the room from her Incentive. She is doing it because she wants to, she wants to be a good influance on other students as her first RA was to her. I respect her immensely for being this type of person and I know that whatever problem she has on her floor will be dealt with fairly. While in HS she took a non-credit, non-madatory management course on conflict resolution. She has already informed the RA staff that she will volunteer to be the on call RA during the American Thanksgiving so most of the others can go home to be with their families. All she has asked in return is if can get the Sat, Sun and Mon off for the the Canadian Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>I don’t agree with the idea of OP making her own noise in the morning. That can turn into an all out war. I like your post, Ellmenope.</p>
<p>This is irrelevant to OP’s issue. But, now that I think back to my freshman year, I have to smile. Our RA would play P Funk’s One Nation Under a Groove, loudly late at night, but very rarely, about once every six weeks or something. One song, and that would be it. We didn’t mind. Who could complain about P Funk?</p>
<p>I’m not convinced that an RA stating noise rules at orientation would have made any difference. Most people, even 18-year-olds, don’t need stated “quiet hours” to know that most people like it quiet in the middle of the night. People make noise at 3 a.m. either because they believe others can’t hear them, or because they don’t care whether others can hear them. Either way, knowing that quiet hours start at 11 won’t change the loudmouths’ behavior.</p>
<p>Having the RAs announce quiet hours policies would be a good way to put all dorm residents on notice that those are the residential housing policies. At the very least, those freshmen* cannot later claim ignorance when they are called out/punished for violating them. </p>
<p>Of course, this is assuming a given university’s housing office actually enforces their policies as necessary and is not spineless about it.</p>
<ul>
<li>As someone who started college at 17 and knew several mature college classmates who started at much younger ages…it still astounds me how many 18, 19, or even 20 year olds are so self-absorbed or clueless that they make loud noises or show other forms of being inconsiderate when they start college.</li>
</ul>
<p>Well, as an adult, I’ve had a rash of hearing loud noises in hotels at odd hours, by other hotel guests who were either drunk or didn’t give a darn. This summer, we had a bunch of drunk wedding-guests pound on our hotel room door at 2 am, and in my last 2 business trips (LA and Mex City), I’ve had to knock on other people’s doors or go out in the hallway and tell people to keep it down. What is with people?!</p>
<p>Oh, I agree that it’s a best practice to state the rules up front. I just don’t believe that doing so prevents this kind of situation very often. The students who remember the quiet hours rules in the midst of having a good time are typically the kids who remember consideration of others in the midst of having a good time.</p>