<p>My daughter is a Junior with lots going for her: 5th in her class of 600; great test scores; lots of leadership, ECs; etc. I'm anxious to begin the college search process, but she never wants to talk about it. She does want to go to college, but has no clue what she wants to study or where she wants to go. I've tried showing her websites, brochures, books, etc., but she just doesn't seem to want to think about it. I suspect it's a combination of being overwhelmed by the choices, stressed by the whole process, and nervous about the thought of leaving home and her friends. What can I do to help make this easier - and maybe even exciting - for her??</p>
<p>Let her go visit a friend who is in college and sleep over in the dorm. Once you can picture yourself in college, choosing a college becomes more interesting.</p>
<p>Is there a really cool college within a few hours of your home? One with gorgeous buildings, really nice dorms, fabulous rec centers, and fun off campus hangouts? If so…visit there. </p>
<p>Don’t stress the academic part right now. let her see that college is VERY different from high school. She may just think college is going to be another 4 years of the same ole same ole. </p>
<p>Since she doesn’t know yet what she wants to major in (which is totally normal), she needs to be reassured about that and how it’s ok to “undecided.”</p>
<p>I’m anxious to begin the college search process,</p>
<p>Your D may be thinking that this is about you…and it’s about her.</p>
<p>The key to this is the daughter needs to get excited for it by herself, if it is something mom shoved into her hands, it’s likely to be mentally shoved away, like yoga or veggie smoothies. Most of the cases I’ve seen, soon enough her entire class is going to be talking about who’s applying where and its going to suddenly turn infectious.</p>
<p>She sounds like a real high achiever in high school. maybe she’s nervous about leaving that world (where she knew how to be really successful) and entering the new college world (where she she doesn’t know where she wants to go, what she wants to study, whether or not she’ll get the A’s she’s used to, whether or not she’ll have good friends…) It sounds like she’s avoiding thinking about it because it makes her so nervous with all of its unknowns.</p>
<p>Maybe you can start by having some conversations about what it takes to succeed in college, that ‘succeeding’ doesn’t require straight A’s necessarily, helping her identify what her strengths and interests are, and start to figure out how you follow those strengths and interests to find some things you may want to major in. I’d talk straight up about the anxiety associated with change and how to kind of coexist with it instead of letting it shut her down. </p>
<p>Of course, it’s not like she’s really really late on getting started, but now is the time that a lot of kids start looking. And she’s not alone in dragging her feet, just from reading lots of similar comments from parents on this forum.</p>
<p>Maybe the two of you can take a college trip to a school within 3 hours and just make a fun mother/daughter trip out of it? (or father/daughter). Take the tour and info session, don’t set up an interview or sitting in on a class. And then do something fun like go to a nice dinner at a nearby restaurant, go shopping, catch a movie. Whatever the two of you will enjoy. A lot of kids seem to open up to thinking more about college once they’ve made a visit or two. </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>I agree with Drelnis. Soon her school counselors, peers and senior friends will be talking colleges and acceptances. She’ll likely catch the bug. Let it happen.</p>
<p>If she isn’t starting to show interest by mid-late April of her junior year, then you have to step in and establish a schedule of key milestones. She’ll need to ask teachers to write recommendations over the summer, for example, so she needs to talk to them in the late spring.</p>
<p>Ask your D how she feels about visiting some colleges on her school April vacation?
A perfect time to visit colleges for a Junior! Could you plan a trip together, even if it is only day trips? For day trips, offer to take her friends, too. I have done this with 3 of my daughters & it worked quite well. None of these kids ever ended up at same school! </p>
<p>But perhaps it was the “safety in numbers” scenario going on!</p>
<p>We had this situation with D2 as well. She had watched D1 obsess over the application process and was dreading its complexity. I volunteered to serve as her clerical aide, cutting-and-pasting her text into the online application templates, generating essay word counts, giving an opinion on proposed edits, etc. It really didn’t save her much actual labor, but it apparently made the process seem less daunting to her.</p>
<p>As soon as she is willing to do visits, maybe plan some contrasting ones so she can see how different things might turn out. Tufts, Brandeis and Wellesley, for example. Or large and small—Penn and Haverford, for example. Whatever is relatively close. Sit through the info. sessions because she will start to hear what the schools emphasize and that helps the student to begin thinking about criteria that are important to her. And don’t focus at first (or maybe at all) on visiting reaches because she may feel that you are too focused on those places.</p>
<p>“She does want to go to college, but has no clue what she wants to study or where she wants to go.” </p>
<p>If she is overwhelmed, go back to basics for her and ask for school suggestions here on CC.</p>
<p>You know the drill. Large/small City/country Near/far… Guess at her interests if you can or at least the kind of students she likes to spend time with… Chances are you know the money side better than her, so include that…</p>
<p>get your suggestions and then ask you D if she would like to take a road trip with you… that and as previously suggested “an overnight stay” should get her thinking… It’s too abstract for her now, sometimes just seeing students like her on campus makes all the difference… Have Fun…</p>
<p>Ditto, Dreinis.</p>
<p>I interview a LOT of applicants over the last three decades and it becomes very obvious which ones are driving the process and which are being pushed by their parent(s). In fact, I tell parents who call me to set up the interviews that their child is already on the road to rejection if they aren’t making the calls themselves. My husband is a Med School Adcom and he sees the pressure parents (and schools) push on smart students who, under the surface, don’t really want to be doctors.</p>
<p>The above posters are right - this time is overwhelming and she still has plenty of time. A suggestion is to not sweat it. If she’s not ready, let her wait out the year. Taking a gap year to travel, volunteer, “find a passion” is becoming more popular and is looked on favorably by colleges as long as the student doesn’t just sit around the house doing nothing. Entering college more secure in the decision actually increases the chances she’ll graduate.</p>
<p>However, it is also possible she’s just working it out in her head. If your house is like ours, we were bombarded with college material based on our daughter’s test scores. Lots and lots of unsolicited catalogues, emails and phone calls. College recruiting has become very aggressive - and not always in a good way - and our oldest couldn’t handle the onslaught (although she was flattered). So we made a few suggestions, and told her it was okay to throw it all in the recycle pile. Then - on the suggestion of a local professional - we suggested she shadow a student at a nationally known college of art. That was all it took. She had found her “tribe” and wouldn’t even open the envelope from Yale.</p>
<p>So don’t push. This is the time to sit back and just be a support system. She’ll find her way even if its not the path you would choose for yourself.</p>
<p>(and I can’t repeat this enough - Adcoms see thousands of students so they are very astute at weeding out students doing college searches by “the numbers” versus those with a passion for the school who truly want to be there.)</p>
<p>Agree a road trip is in order. Map out a trip that will cover large/medium/small schools and urban/rural/suburban schools. If you plan it right, it is easy to catch 2 schools in one day. Junior year is a time for them to weed out obvious no-gos (urban was a complete non-starter for D1 after BU; also since her HS is 2000+, she wouldn’t look at anything below 4000.) </p>
<p>Since your daughter in a class of 600, an easy question to start with might be: “Do you want to go to a school the same size or larger than your HS”.</p>
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<p>I was chatting with an adcom over dinner and wine once and asked for some funny interview stories. Among other stories, she said that she’s had students (more than once) who have come in to the interview, told her that they didn’t really want to attend that school but their parents are making them apply, and to please not accept them. Wow!</p>
<p>“How can I get my daughter excited & involved in her college search?”</p>
<p>Keep her away from CC! j/k ;-)</p>
<p>I think all this is a bit pre-mature. Some kids want to start thinking about schools at the start of junior year, but there is no compelling reason to push the topic just yet. Winter break is soon enough for general conversation about what you can afford and what kinds of schools are out there (LACs, privates, tech, large state U, etc…) Spring break is soon enough for trips. </p>
<p>I appreciate how much fun this can be for the parents, but it sounds to me like your daughter has good instincts not to start this race sooner than necessary. It will be an obsession soon enough.</p>
<p>I would not start with a big overwhelming college trip.</p>
<p>Start with one cool college. visit, low stress, see the off-campus hangouts, etc.</p>
<p>Do not do a big multi-campus road trip until she’s really interested.</p>
<p>Rather than talk about colleges, maybe you should help her focus on what she needs to feel prepared for the college hunt. did she take the PSAT? Is she scheduled to take SAT/ACT and/or SATII tests? At this point, there are probably too many choices. Once she has her scores, she can start to narrow the list and put a plan in place. </p>
<p>In the meantime, you can get a handle on your college finances by determining how much you can afford (and get a good idea what your EFC will be. Once you have that, search away for the schools that fit the family budget. When D is ready to get excited, you can help her find schools that not only meet her academic and social needs, you can save her the heartbreak of finding a “dream school” that she can’t attend due to cost.</p>
<p>Go visit some cool colleges and focus on the fun stuff!</p>