How can I help my 11-year old cousin? He can't read or spell? (I'm not sure where to post this)

-If you know a site catered to this topic, please share it with me. Thank you.

So I’ve rarely seen my cousins these past four years because I went to college, worked, took part in leadership activities, and etc… Anyway, during my summer free time I let my cousins sleepover a few times. From this, I learned that the 11 year old can’t read or spell? He’s going to the 5th grade but how? So I tried helping him with sounding out words for spelling, spelling words out for him, and etc… But he’s obviously not going to retain it. He was eager to learn and even said no one helps him at home or even at school. How does this happen? I I will be leaving the state, so they can no longer sleepover and I can’t help him. But how do I help him from out of state? How do I help him without insulting his parents? I’m not really sure how this happens… He repeatedly asked me to spell these words “happy”, “fighting”, “pets”, and some other words that should be easy for him. But I can’t assess if he has a learning disability or if no one actually ever took the time to teach him to read or a combination of the two.

Good for you for asking and noticing!!! I hope that you get some helpful responses, and I will start the process. Let me give you three ways that you could handle this - weigh them to see what you think might be the best fit.

  1. First, given that it is summer, if you still have time with your cousin, take them to the library.You might need to call first to see if you need a parent signature, but get him a library card. Many libraries have audiobooks that you can rent without going to the library. One good way to improve reading skills is to read along with a written book while it is read aloud. If his parents won’t take him to the libary to get copies of the written book, even listening aloud to stories on the internet would help. James Patterson (the author) has a site called Read Kiddo Read that has great recommendations.
  2. I fervently hope that his skills are being monitored at school, and he is receiving extra help. When a parent asks me this question (I am in the special education industry) I suggest that they write a letter, date it, and turn it in to the school office. Here’s what it needs to say:this is simplified but will get the job done. “This is to formally request a full evaluation of John’s reading and writing skills. I understand that this letter triggers a full evaluation through the IEP system.” Have the parents sign it, date it, and take it to the school office. If school is out but the office is open, you can still drop it off and get it initialled that it has been received. If the school office is not open, take it to the district office. They are usually open all year long. You might start the conversation with the parents with something like "Johnny was telling me that he is really struggling with reading at school. He asked me if there was some way he could get more help at school next year, so I asked for help on my college board site. They said this is how you do it, and it is free. They told me what to say and how to do it - if you want, I can print out what they said and Johnny and I can take it over on the way to get ice cream.
  3. I commend you for taking some gentle steps to assist with this. You are such a good cousin, and could change his life! Hopefully, his teachers are working with him, but if parents don’t ask in the right way sometimes this testing does not get done. He NEEDS it yesterday - before middle school starts!!

There is a good chance your cousin is dyslexic. Google a website like Susan Barton’s Bright Solutions and “signs of dyslexia.” ( That’s not a product promotion. The Barton website has good, basic information for learning about dyslexia.). Many students with dyslexia can neither spell nor read but are otherwise apparently of average or above average intelligence and manage to “get by” in school until somewhere between the third and fifth grades when it becomes more difficult to just slink by. My 14 year old has dyslexia and the sooner you can bring your concerns about your cousin to the attention of an adult who will take you seriously, the better for your cousin. You are right to be concerned and could be doing your cousin an incalculable favor. Please pursue your gut instincts!

And as the prior post notes, your cousin needs a full educational evaluation by his or her school district.

^^^If his parents will request a full evaluation in writing the school must, by law, perform one.

See ldonline.org and wrightslaw.com.