Wanted to keep my essay personal so I wrote this up. I have heard it always better for others to read your college applications, so why not see what the forums have to say.
With the introduction of cyber-terrorism in the 21st century and major companies being at risk every day, there need to be people that can stop, or at least slow down these attacks. Hello, I am Jaewaen Harper.
Coming from a family who has no further education past high-school, I have pushed myself to become the first in the family to attend college. I have taken courses throughout my years in high school to help prepare me the fullest for the transition from high school to college. By the time I graduate high school in May of 2017, I will have taken Dual Enrollment History, Dual Enrollment English, and participated in UAEC (University of Alabama Early College)-which all provide credits for college whilst still in high school. Unlike a majority of the students at my school who are interested in sports year round, I found my interests with computers and the internet. When not reviewing material for a class or doing homework, I found myself spending my spare time online. With me going online frequently and interacting with different groups of people from all over the world, I made close friends with many people from various ethnicities and countries. I soon began to read articles discussing the different forms of terrorism in today’s society. Whilst reading these articles, I discovered how dangerous the internet really is and the threats that companies and people both encounter on a daily basis.
During the Christmas of 2014, some of the biggest companies such as Microsoft and Sony received a major DDOS (Distributed Denial of Service) attack which shut down their servers and leaked millions of people’s information to the public. This attack wasn’t just a quick one either, the Sony servers were down for multiple days and left many of the users in a frantic questioning how a multi-million-dollar company could be taken down and exposed by a group of hackers. This incident is what’s influencing me to study under the Computer Science major and too soon begin my study on how to prevent these outbreaks from happening in the future. Knowing the fact that, in this day in age, people can take out other companies or people’s internet and leak their information in just a few clicks is pretty scary to think about.
In the coming years as technology continues to advance and become more portable, the population of “cyber terrorist” will continue to rise throughout not only the United States but throughout the entire world. It is up to our generation to find a break through or at least slow down these cyber-attacks from happening throughout the world. I plan to aid in this movement. I intend to take whatever role is needed to prevent the attacks on companies to ensure that the companies information isn’t leaked to protect the companies, but more importantly the personal files in which the companies have an archive of.
In all, I have been aiming to further my education past high school for many years and plan to contribute to the society. In my case, I plan to help protect the security of company servers and more importantly, help protect the people’s privacy.
First of all, you should never post the text of an essay in a public form. It can be stolen and it can end up being flagged as plagiarized if someone runs it through a program and there’s a hit because it was previously published so I would advise removing the post or asking for it to be removed.
As an essay, I also think it needs work. It sounds like you are suggesting that you have a unique desire to help save the world from cyber attacks, but this is a very commonly understood problem and there are lots of people working on means to try to reduce or prevent such attacks. That is not to say that you shouldn’t keep this in mind as a career goal, I’m just not sure it makes for a compelling essay topic (at least as currently framed). It also speaks more to what you want to do than who you are. Schools want to get to know you.
Try to think about small moments in your life or experiences that you have had that through telling will illuminate aspects of your personality or character. Then write about one such moment or experience. You can weave some academic and career aspirations into that story, but you want something more personal and human if that makes sense. Then, of course, really proofread for grammar and punctuation, etc. Hope this helps!
There’s nothing particularly personal about this essay. It’s a rehash of your resume and a social studies report on the importance of the anti-cyberterrorim industry.
You’re approaching this all wrong. **You’re confusing “college essay” with “interview for a summer internship”. **I suggest you treat it like a conversation on a blind date, or like the sharing of ice-breaker stories with new acquaintances around a campfire. Unless the essay prompt specifically asks you about your career interests, it’s not necessary to bring it up at all.
If I was on a blind date, and the person tried to impress me with this line verbatim:
I’d want to excuse myself to go the bathroom, then sneak away.
Motherhood and apple pie are great, too. Don’t use this terribly trite line. Everybody, unless they’re in prison, contributes to society in some way.
To make your writing style more engaging and natural, I suggest you simply wtite the way you actually talk (w grammatical corrections made), and stop making it into a book report for your social studies teacher.
Can’t really. CC is forever! Since they don’t delete on request here, you can keep the concept, but I’d rewrite so thoroughly that the new one bears no resemblance to this version.
In the future, the best way to do it is to message the essay to people privately (trustworthy people, like adults, college students, and people who have a proven record of knowing their stuff grammatically. Check out their posts before sending).