As I go through college things become more and more competitive. I’ve had some wins and some losses this semester. I even secured a paid summer internship. However, no matter what I achieve I always compare what I have to another classmates accomplishments. I end up doubting myself and feeling stupid. I could’ve done better this semester academically, but everyone still tells me I did pretty well. Yet, I have classmates that got 4.0 gpa’s and Dean’s List. It’s like I can never be happy. How can I stop comparing my accomplishments against my classmates and feeling stupid?
It sounds like a cliche, but you do you better than anyone else. Look --. At everything you do, someone somewhere will do better. Try not to think of everything as a hierarchy. Instead, celebrate what makes you feel good.
Think about keeping a journal. Record in it 3 things each day that gave you joy. Not necessarily an accomplishment. Maybe you did something for someone. Maybe you were up early and saw the sun rise. Maybe you really enjoyed working on a paper.
I give you credit for recognizing this in yourself. You deserve to be happy and this will get in your way. If you have access to counseling at school, go. Someone there may help you work through why you feel you need to be “better” than others in order to love yourself. It doesn’t have to be this way.
“I even secured a paid summer internship.”
This is a BIG DEAL. At first glance it might seem like a paid summer internship is great because you will get paid. This of course is true, but is only the beginning of the story. A paid summer internship will help prepare you to get a good job after graduation in at least three ways: You will have working experience which will help you understand what you might want to do or at least what you might not want to do. You will have a source of references from someone who has seen you at work. The company that hires you for the internship might want to hire you after you graduate. Even if the third of these doesn’t work out, the first two are big.
You cannot hope to be the one smartest person in the world. If you were the one smartest person in the world then you would have a world of problems to be unhappy about (a difficult one would be finding an appropriate date for Saturday night). For the rest of us, there is always someone else out there who is smarter, or has more money, or has better health, or something. Gilda Radner (a great comedian) used to play a character who would point out problems in some situation and end with “its always something”. Of course like most good comedy this is entirely correct.
In life we each are the most successful when we figure out what is right for us. We find a college major that we like. We do relatively well in our courses. We get a good job that we like. We do not become happy by always trying to be better than everyone else. We become happy when we are good with what we have. It also helps a lot to be able to work with and learn from people who are better than us at least at something, and almost everyone is very good at something.
The most successful people that I know got that way at least partly by listening to and learning from others. If you are exposed to people who are very strong at something that you are also trying to do, then learn from them. Do not try to be them.
You are you; learn to be yourself and not how you compare with others. One of my favorite sayings comes from a poem by T.S. Eliot: “For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business.” Create the yardstick for yourself and for yourself alone, not the yardstick that others have created. Even if all your trying comes to hardly anything, it’s still yours. Even nothing can be special if it’s yours. You give your best, and whatever the yield that your best gives, that’s special because it’s yours. The rest is not your business nor anyone else’s.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Everyone has given you great advice. At the crux of what you have realized is that you need to be comfortable in your own skin. Throughout life there will always be someone who is better than us is every way imaginable. Being ok with that and not comparing comes with maturity. Keep working on it an you will get there. Kudos for you for recognizing this in yourself at a young age! Some people never stop comparing themselves and it truly gets in the way of their success and happiness. You’ll be able to stop doing so because you recognize it and you want to change. It sounds to me like you are doing great! Good for you. Enjoy your accomplishments.
Thank you for all your responses! Very much appreciated 
Good for them. Also, good for you! That internship is a top-notch accomplishment, and likely the accomplishment that helps the most in getting a job after college.
Therefore, overall, you have, so far, been highly successful in college. That’s what matters, not what other students have done.
Good luck, and keep on doing what you are already doing!
I’m not going to pretend like I don’t compare myself to other people, because I definitely do. But, like you, I’ve been trying to stop doing it.
Here’s some methods/thoughts I have:
– Does the person you’re comparing yourself to actually exist? In my case, they didn’t. I kept thinking “other people are getting internships/taking harder classes/have more friends”…but then I thought, who? I realized I wasn’t comparing myself to an actual person, but to an imaginary “perfect student” that didn’t exist except on social media and in my own head.
– If you ARE comparing yourself to a specific person, are you seeing the whole picture? The person who “has it all together” might actually be struggling in a class, or they got rejected from a job, or their boyfriend/girlfriend just broke up with them, or they get 4 hours of sleep every night and they’re unhappy. You shouldn’t be glad they’re suffering (that’s just mean), but sometimes you forget that, just like you have good and bad things in your life, everyone else does too.
– Also, if you’re making comparisons to your friends, STOP. It’s hard not to do it, but it just ruins the friendship. Unless your friends are horrible humble-braggers, try to be happy for their accomplishments (even if you have to fake it at first). You want to be a supportive friend, not a jealous one!
– Other peoples’ existence doesn’t make you stupider, nor does it make you smarter. If you’re 5’6" and a basketball player stood next to you, you’d still be 5’6", and if a toddler stood next to you, yup, you’d still be 5’6". So, if you got a B, you got a B, regardless of if your classmates got As or Cs. Celebrate it for what it is!
– Lastly, even if the comparisons you’re making are true, they never end – chances are you’d find a classmate who had a 4.0 AND had a paid internship AND won that cool raffle prize AND…you know how it goes. Since you can’t ever resolve the issue, why start it? Try to focus on the things that you do have. You don’t need a 4.0 GPA to enjoy the nice weather, or spending time with your best friend, or that really awesome coffee shop on campus. Try to find peace in the little things (while still, you know, trying your best and staying in school!).
There will always be people that are faster, better, stronger, smarter. You are amazing to be competing in college, to have an internship, and I’m sure for so many more successes–please remember those. I wish you the very best!!