How did you handle your child's request to move out of the Dorms.

Parents Forum
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<p>My D’s apartment management handles lots of student apartments. They have separate leases for roommates, parents only co-signed the lease for their own kid. Mixed gender (or not) is entirely up to the roomies. They had a limited amount of furniture in storage - kind of a first come, first serve deal – and D was early so she and her roomie got a sofa, dining table & chairs, lamps, chest of drawers and bed for each room. There was no additional cost for this and the company’s maintenance crew moved it all in.</p>

<p>D stayed summers to take classes and work (she had a great job on campus that she could work over summers if she wanted to), while her roommate went home. The management company let her stay for just her half of the rent over the summer months. This was better for them then just having it be empty with no rent income at all – plus no extra work moving in new tenants in the fall.</p>

<p>I think a lot of college towns have some pretty student-geared property management companies.</p>

42

<p>Our kids have happy in their apartments. Their U only guarantees housing for first two years anyway. It’s ideal if you can sign only for your kiddos portion of rent and all others sign for theirs. Our kiddos apts were always just as close to school as campus owned properties but cheaper.</p>

43

<p>When my daughter was a freshman at her school , she decided that she was going to move into an apartment for her sophomore year with 3 other girls. I would have preferred she wait another year …when I went up to visit her in the spring , she took my sister and I over to see the place along with two of the other girls parents.
I was mortified…yes it was close t school and safe ( patrolled by campus security )
The place was filthy and clearly had a visible infestation of pantry moths, which made me wonder what other vermin lived there. Her father had already co-signed the lease so it was a done deal. I raised hell with the realtor , to no avail.
When she moved in in September, the fun began.
It was an awful year dealing with the slumlord who owned the place , but a invaluable life lesson for my daughter ! She learned that she wasn’t as grown up as she thought she was, but had to learn how to resolve the endless issues that she endured that year.</p>

<p>So as upset as I was that she so willingly agreed to rent this place , I was glad she did. It wasn’t an issue of her not being bale to handle living off campus at all.
I don’t think it is a bad thing at all , just make sure your son understands to be very careful and not feel pressured by the realtors to sign anything without full understanding</p>

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<p>At D’s college students are required to live on campus the first 2 years and most kids move off campus the last two years. I was not a fan of this and it was the only downside to her college, in my opinion, when she decided to go there. However it turned out to not be a big deal. She and her friend found a garden apartment themselves. It’s only 3 blocks from campus and actually closer to her classroom buildings than her previous dorm was, and the complex has a small outdoor pool! It was designed for students, and is owned and managed by a management company. The rent is significantly cheaper than the dorms, and she no longer has a meal plan (we give her a monthly allowance based on what the meal plan would have cost, and she can either grocery shop and cook or buy meals from food places on campus or nearby). As for furniture, she bought a lot from seniors who were graduating. They also got some when a local furniture store had a clearance sale. She had to learn how to pay her cable bill (not as simple as it sounds) which was a valuable learning experience she wouldn’t have gotten in the dorms. Her grades haven’t suffered at all. Best of all, she is staying in the same unit next year so no need to move her stuff out and put it in storage over the summer! Downside, we do have to pay rent for 12 months, including the 3 months in the summer when she is home. We had to cosign the lease for the first year, but they didn’t make us sign anything when she renewed the lease for next year. I have her rent paid automatically from my checking account every month, but other than that she does all the communicating with the landlord (their washing machine broke and she called the landlord, it got fixed with no problem). This management company lets each roommate pay their share of the rent separately, which simplifies things.</p>

45

<p>My S stayed in campus housing through junior year then wanted a second floor of a dump, I mean apartment. At his college your merit aid and grants can be impacted but we did not see that. It did cost less on the room & board front. We set him with his continued budget and midway through, roommate left and those plans blew up. But the land lord sued the other kid so my S is living in a large apartment until May alone dirt cheap.</p>

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<p>haha…as I said my kids’ houses were pretty Animal House-ish. S2’s was a huge 5 bedroom house built in the mid-40’s and just two blocks from campus…the perfect party house… known as the “Rotary Riot”. It was on Rotary St. It was so bad to start with that they couldn’t possibly hurt it.</p>

<p>The heat and air didn’t work in S2’s house for almost 2 years…yah for window unit a/c and electric blankets and heaters and sunny days in the south. They had bugs too but S2 sprayed pretty frequently. The house was almost condemned by the city so the landlord was forced to fix up…a little…just before S2 graduated. </p>

<p>BTW…S2’s slumlord owned quite a few properties in town. He was not American. He was a Dr. (cardiology, I believe) at the S2’s University’s Medical School.</p>

<p>We were amazed when we got our deposit back at the end of S2’s three year tenure there.</p>

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<p>Parent of freshman at big state U where 70% move off campus after freshman year. We had initially wanted him to stay on campus, then relented for next year, for a number of reasons. It is likely to be a little cheaper, but that is not a compelling factor. We can see a number of advantages which probably balance out with what we see as the disadvantages.</p>

<p>First, with his own room in a 5 bedroom furnished apt, no more sexiling bc his roommate has “plans.” Also, even though he parties along with the best (worst?) of them, he acknowledges that the Thurs-Sat post-bar 2 am noise in the hallway can be rough. Disadantages I see include that he can be a bit of a loner, and not having a roommate for company can make it easier for him to retreat, but with 4 roommates, I think on balance it will be fine. </p>

<p>Also, he has really embraced the responsibility of college life, and seems ready (although I cannot imagine wanting it at age 19) to live more independently with friends. At his university, dining hall food is a la carte, not fixed meal plan, so he can still eat easily at the dining hall for those days or nights when he hasn’t made lunch or is too busy or tired to prepare dinner or order pizza – food is no longer at the on-campus subsidized rate, but is still there whenever he wants it. </p>

<p>As a big university, there are lots of options close to campus, and he is in a furnished apt one block from his current dorm, so he persuaded me that he is no more likely to skip class etc from there than from where he is now. </p>

<p>The disadvantages I see are that (1) there is no longer an older student technically responsible for keeping an eye on well-being, though with 4 roommates, they are likely to provide as much support as an RA does; (2) you don’t have instant access to the dorm rec-league sports and activities – he only does now what he really likes, and would probably seek out with friends next year anyway, but I like the availability. </p>

<p>He did not realize that both my husband and I moved off campus after freshman year at LACs with very different cultures. For me, was finances, for husband, was culture of the school. We survived, so will he. </p>

<p>So, my overall advice is, if moving off campus is common among students her age, then there are plenty of good reasons for it and it can be ok.</p>

48

<p>My freshman D wants to move off-campus with a group of friends (4 girls + 2 boys) for next year. They’re nice group of kids, however none of them seems pro-active enough to actually nail down a rental. It’s getting rather late to find a good house near campus. </p>

<p>I insisted that D apply for on-campus housing for next year, so she has that as a fallback. </p>

<p>I figure either it’ll work out or it won’t, but it’s up to her to sort it out with her friends.</p>

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<p>Sounds like having a backup plan when the housing plans haven’t gelled yet is a good safety net. Living near campus so transportation isn’t a major issue is a good thing. My kids have never lived in a group larger than 4 and prefer to have only one person sharing an apartment. Many more logistics when there are more people involved.</p>

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<p>S1 lived off-campus starting his sophomore year even though housing was available on-campus. In fact he flew out to school in August without any housing lined up…an apartment they thought they had fell thru over the summer. So he left (2500 miles west) with a couple of days worth of clothes and his juggling equipment and couch-surfed until the 3 of them found a house to rent. All we ever did was deposit $800/month into his checking account – the equivalent of what we would have spent on room-and-board had he stayed on campus (oh, and I slipped him $500 for a bed and mattress because I didn’t want him sleeping on the floor for longer than necessary). The house was 10 miles from campus and he didn’t have a car. Still not sure how he did it, with a lot of late nights as an engineering major.</p>

<p>The next year he rented another house with a totally different set of roommates. For whatever reason, they only signed an 18 month lease. Which meant that with one semester left his senior year, he was again looking for a place to sleep. Luckily he found space in a house where someone graduated mid-year.</p>

<p>We were never involved in any part of the process and didn’t see any of the houses except in pictures. He knew that if he wanted to live off-campus that he’d have to to do all the adult work himself. It turned out to be excellent preparation for finding housing in a new city for a summer internship and then again finding housing after graduation.</p>

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<p>It was the best thin we ever did for our son. His dorm experience was horrible…it is simply inhumane to stick 2 perfect strangers together in a room the size of a small jail cell and expect them to prosper and do well. All they have in common is that they might be the same age. We found a place near the college that he could live alone and cook for himself. He has grown so much and I thought he would not do well…proved me wrong…go for it. As long as they have their own rooms and a lock for their door so that no one can come in when they are not there.</p>

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<p>Ha, ha, Archiemom I wonder if your son wasn’t one of the "hoboes’ their house picked up last year. They turned the dining room into a room for a kid who found himself out of some house or apartment and needed a place to live mid year. . Another one joined him. They both graduated last year along with the other house residents so I guess it all worked out. Not my idea, , I can tell you that.</p>

<p>However, one of the roommates was a very quite person, prone to depression and sleeping too much. After freshman year, his parents got him a very nice single apartment off campus. He didn’t like the dorms and neither he nor my son were able get their act together sophomore year to move off campus, and the other young man liked the idea of anice apartment of his own which his parents found for him. </p>

<p>Well, he nearly dropped out that year. Couldn’t get up himself, found himself in a funk too often and just isolated himself too much. Lucky that he went to a school where a prof hunted him down and pulled him out of his cave. Went to counseling and decided group living was a better go for him and so he did for the next two years, and happily lived with a motley crew in slum like conditions. Graduated on time and no more long term depressive attacks or hiding in the room as someone always yanked him out and got him going. It was what he needed. Not so much my son, however, and I don’t know whether the experience was better or worse than an on campus apartment which I would have much preferred.</p>

<p>I wanted to vacuum them before they came into my house when there was that bedbug scare.</p>

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<p>Some student apartments actually come with furniture. The student apartment complex in which my son resides (not university owned but specializing in students) supplies all the furniture, including washer and dryer. Students must supply their own kitchen utensils.</p>

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<p>DD1 informed me she was moving off campus after freshman year. I really didn’t have a say so. She was on scholarship. Her freshman roommate (and now BFF)'s family had bought a brand new upscale gated condo just a short walk from campus for them to live in. She would be charged the same as if she were living on campus. Her roommate bought all new furnishings
and the place is really sweet! No poor college student living there. HOWEVER, I really wish she had stayed on campus. Her school has approx 70% of their students live on campus all 4 years. I think she would have had more friends had she lived on campus. She has been very lonely these past 2 years since her roommate has a boyfriend and she spends every available moment with him. </p>

<p>DD2 is a a freshman there now and we won’t be able to blast her off of campus. She’s having a blast, though she IS looking forward to her own room in an on campus apartment next year.</p>

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<p>My own experience moving off-campus after 2 years was mixed. I enjoyed the independence, more space, but 3 of us got pretty burned by the 4th apartment mate who consistently managed to not have sufficient funds available come the first of the month.</p>

<p>DD lived in Honors dorm 2 years with the same excellent roommate, enjoyed the social aspect of that particular learning community very much; then moved to apartment with a different friend from her major, and a 3rd person whom she did not know, but who was a friend of roommate’s from high school. I never heard her complain about the distance to bike to campus, altho the weather was a factor for months on end. Some of 3rd person’s own friends were a bit obnoxious at times, but that’s college. Moral: Choose your apartment mates wisely and all should be well.</p>

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<p>I would encourage my kids to move off campus after freshmen year. Absolutely.</p>

<p>I really think people overestimate how many friends you can make living on campus. </p>

<p>Or, rather, the quality of those friendships made in dorms. Sometimes you get lucky, but sometimes dorms flat out suck. Sometimes your dorm neighbors are drunk trashy losers.</p>

<p>I would never want to live in a dorm beyond freshmen year. Dorms are convenient, but that’s about it. Convenience isn’t worth getting little sleep on a nasty bedbug bed.</p>

<p>The noise, sex-iling, smoke smells, drunks, filth of the bathrooms, parties,… dorms suck.</p>

<p>It’s easy enough to make friends in any urban apartment. That’s not unique to dorms. And at least, hopefully, apartment neighbors won’t stumble around loudly at all hours of the night completely drunk like they would in a dorm. Plus, sometimes you end up with weird dorm roommates… in an obscenely tiny dorm room. You have RAs all up in your business twice a year to see if you have candles or toasters. You’re stuck moving out on holiday breaks when dorms close for the break. Dorms are a big pain in the butt. Literally. Dorm furniture is hard, uncomfortable, and generally pretty disgusting.</p>

<p>Off-campus means paying rent, but if you had to pay to live on campus anyway, mailing that rent check every month isn’t all that hard. Utilities can be hard to predict, but so can drunks running around howling in the dorms. Things can break in a dorm room and you have to submit a maintenance request just like in an apartment. </p>

<p>Dorm rooms don’t have credit checks or income checks or deposits. I’ll give them that. But, it’s much easier to learn how to do those things at 21 when you still have friends on campus to stay with for a few days until you find an apartment than if you’re 22 and in a new city alone.</p>

<p>Dorms aren’t always safe, either. And, plenty of things “against the rules” happen… namely drunks.</p>

<p>You can have terrible roommates in dorms. You can have bad roommates in apartments, too. It’s sometimes easier to switch dorm rooms at a college than to get out of an apartment lease. That’s one benefit of dorms. A person with mental illness (depression) or addiction (alcoholism) can have the same problems no matter where they live. On campus, they could easily drink more and get into the party scene. Off campus, they might be lazy and not leave the apartment as often. That’s their mental problems, though. Functioning young adults should be able to get themselves out of bed and to campus each day.</p>

<p>I also hated how you never knew where you were living the next summer or the next school year if you lived in a dorm during the year. That means a lot of moving your belongings and a lot of uncertainty each year. </p>

<p>Dorm furniture? Uncomfortable. </p>

<p>Dorm floors? Nasty.</p>

<p>Dorm bathrooms? Even nastier. You really don’t want to know what goes on in those communal dorm bathtubs… Lysol anyone???</p>

<p>Dorm bathrooms? Yeah… nasty!</p>

<p>I HATE HATE HATE the dorms. </p>

<p>My parents tried to pressure me into staying on campus. I was OUT of the dorms and didn’t look back. I wish I had left the dorms much, much, much sooner. </p>

<p>I would at least suggest getting an apartment right by campus. Nobody wants to commute 15-30 minutes to campus each day. An apartment right by campus is ideal.</p>

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<p>wow kokokoko, what college did you go to? </p>

<p>At my college the rooms in the dorms were a decent size and the hallways and bathrooms were cleaned 5 days per week. Bathtubs? We had shower stalls. The furniture in my dorm and my kids’ dorms was functional and sturdy, if a bit plain. It was nice to know it would be there when we arrived, and to know that if there was a problem or a repair/replacement was needed there was somewhere to call. </p>

<p>Some colleges allow you to “squat” in your room (D’s college does this in some dorms) so you don’t necessarily have to move everything over the summer.</p>

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<p>That’s unfortunate, koko. My dorming experience was about the exact opposite. Our bathrooms were cleaned daily, halls a few times a week. Most people get along just fine with their roommates. The horror stories on CC are very much the minority.</p>

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<p>We were also concerned when our daughter asked to move off campus for her 2nd year of college. She presented a valid argument for why it was a good idea which included the obvious money saving benefit. We agreed to an apartment just on the outskirt of campus where she would be safe walking to and from campus (after vetoing an apartment that would require a rather desolate walk for several blocks) and agreed to a flat monthly budget that would cover her rent, utilities and groceries. If our budget wasn’t enough, the only way we would increase the amount was with proof of her expenditures, so she had to save receipts and track her purchases. This ended up being a great way for her to learn to budget and manage household expenses. She lived in three apartments for each of her last three years of college and by the time she graduated she was fully prepared to manage her own funds and understand just what it takes to live on her own.</p>

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<p>I look back to when I was my child’s age, and there was no way it wouldn’t have been my decision, 100%.</p>

<p>D has asked to move into an apartment for senior year with some friends. I’m not involved at all, I’d cosign if I was asked (I haven’t been so far) and I’ll pay the bills. It will save money and hopefully she won’t get food poisoning as often by cooking herself.</p>