<p>This kind of discussion takes me zooming back to not-so-many-year ago when my parenting social circle raged on and on about how long to nurse, whether to use cloth or disposables, family bed or crib, and the proper age to potty train. And somehow, despite all our angst and guilt and judgment of one another, it turns out that all of our children know how to use the facilities, sleep in their own beds every night, and eat pretty much the same food.</p>
<p>As far as this particular hornet’s nest is concerned, I can see both sides. I sat by my son as he opened his Exeter acceptance (which was in MY junk mail, not his, though they had both emails…) and I think we let him open his own SSAT scores, but we didn’t have to wait either since he was home at the time. l open my kids’ mail, and they open mine fairly indiscriminately, and none of us particularly care; in another family that would be an absolute sacrilege. As long as the whole family is on the same page, who cares? We all draw different lines in the sand where personal privacy begins and ends.</p>
<p>One thing firmly impressed on my psyche during my homeschooling years: there’s a fine line between sharing what I do, and accusing others of bad parenting because they don’t do it my way. As we homeschoolers are fond of saying, maybe it’s time to shut up and pass the bean dip.</p>
<p>I have a particularly crazy sister-in-law (don’t we all?). Anyway, she was very fond of pointing out whenever I did something that was against one of her parenting “rules” until one day, she just said, “I just don’t understand why you do that!” The only answer I gave her was, “That’s OK. It isn’t necessary for you to understand.”</p>
<p>Tension seems to be a bit high around here. I, for one, don’t care what your mail opening policy is, or how many months you breastfed your kids. I will not point and mock those who chose to use medication to birth their children, and I will not stack accolades upon those who banned high fructose corn syrup. People are different. Families are different. We all make the best choices we can, based upon our knowledge and understanding at the time. It shouldn’t matter to anyone outside of that family. It all comes down to this: </p>
<p>What are the parenting choices that you have made, and are you happy with them? Has your dc grown into a responsible and capable young teen? Is dc ready for the bs life? </p>
<p>I’m sure that every parent on this board loves their dear child and wishes to find a great education experience for the dc in boarding school.</p>
<p>Well said. And thank you for giving me the best chuckle of the day. I’m stuck at an airport with lots of grouchy delayed travelers and read your post and burst out loud with laughter.</p>
<p>Well said. That made my day!</p>
<p>(and same to the rest of you for the wonderful responses saying “to each his/her own!”)</p>
<p>@Brother
And the irony is that as a group is we’ll all be migrating to the college section at about the same time to start this process again in a few years. Mama mia! :-)</p>
<p>The OPs question reminds me of a time when our family was at a restaurant. I couldn’t help notice at the next table a young man in tears over not being accepted to any of his schools. I`m not sure why the family felt the need to eat in public after receiving bad news. I felt so sad for that child and I made a mental note to add safety schools to the list. Having across the board rejections is not a good thing.</p>
<p>I believe that if a child is accepted into a school he/she has no interest for but the parents forced them into applying is the same thing as being rejected. Wow, that depresses me, muf123!</p>
<p>Exeterrr-
What I think applying to a safety school does is buy the student time. Time to investigate all the possibilities, public and private; time to grow and change; time to take a hard look at one’s strengths and weaknesses. My child’s opinion of our LPS has wavered since this process began 8 months ago. Knowing that there will be options come March 10th is reassuring to us all. There’s no harm in turning down a safety school in favor of the LPS, but for me it’s all about having choices. My child’s opinion of many of the schools on the original list has also changed since we started the application process. The safety school rose in the rankings, then fell again. One of the early frontrunners was eliminated entirely. The impossible reach has turned out not to be so impossible after all.</p>
<p>What I think is sadder is the idea that school applications are an all or nothing game; if you’re admitted to HADES you’re a winner and if you’re not you’ve failed. Why not some middle ground to look at the plethora of good solid schools beyond the top dozen? What’s wrong with being a superstar at a second tier school?</p>
<p>I might add that a safety school is a school with a higher CHANCE bar for various reasons such as FA, scores, grades ect. A safety school for one applicant may be a reach for another. Lets not make a safety school a bad word. If my child has mid 80s on ssat and we need FA, we wont apply to just Exeter and Andover.
One more point, by being open minded and realistic, my kids found lower tier schools they would gladly attend if accepted. I`ve yet to meet a parent who forced their child to apply to a school they didn’t like.</p>
<p>Here are some things you won’t get at your local public school.</p>
<p>An advisor who really knows you. 15 kids in your advisor group instead of being one of 200 kids assigned to a single GC.</p>
<p>A chance to get to know people who are not from your community. How many international students or kids from across the country are you going to meet at your LPS?</p>
<p>Wonderful travel and service opportunities, often paid for by the school.</p>
<p>Small classes. How many public schools out there can afford to put 10 kids in a freshman writing class? </p>
<p>Sports programs that aren’t dependent on the student being highly talented. Most public schools have varsity and JV teams but no developmental programs. If you don’t already come to high school with experience in soccer or football your chances of making a team are squat. Preps have third and even fourth teams for kids with less experience and cuts are rare.</p>
<p>Teachers who know you as more than one out of the two hundred and fifty kids they teach over the course of the week. At a small prep school your teacher is also likely to be your lacrosse coach, your dorm parent, your advisor or the faculty advisor of your club.</p>
<p>State of the art facilities in a time of public school cutbacks.</p>
<p>Flexibility. The ability to create a linear algebra tutorial where none previously existed, or the willingness to allow a student to study Japanese even though it isn’t part of the standard curriculum.</p>
<p>I’m sure others could come up with more features of private schools. I won’t even get into the issue of public schools where metal detectors and locker sweeps are the norm.</p>
<p>Notice that NONE of these are predicated on the school being in the GLADCHEMMS cohort.</p>
<p>Pulsar, stellar academics represent only a fraction of a great boarding school’s value. Another equally important and large fraction is the education received outside the classroom. The maturity, resourcefulness and self-confidence that come from boarding is unique, irreplaceable and wholly dissimilar from a private or public day school. I know you know this. </p>
<p>On another note, this thread was very interesting to me because it brought into sharp relief the differences in parenting styles among a group of equally loving, devoted, high achieving boarding school parents. It would never have occurred to me to open my kids decision letters and yet others feel exactly the opposite. I literally had no idea people were of different minds on this point.</p>
<p>Various chance threads “explaining” why they applied to Exeter, Andover, and “out of no where” a lower-tier school. I don’t know specifically, though.</p>
There is nothing wrong, and one doesn’t even have to be a superstart to make it right. Let’s face it: all can’t be superstars even in second tier schools. I think it’s down to what options you have. If you believe a “second tier” school is an option significantly better than day options you have, or you believe the boarding experience is important, then you should apply and considering going to schools beyond GLADCHEMMS. I think what pulsar was referring to is the “superstar” part by saying if you want to be a superstar why don’t you stay in your public school - you’d have a better shot there than in a second tier boarding school.</p>
<p>It depends on your public school, i.e. your default option. There are public high schools which do not offer calculus. There are public schools which offer AP courses–but then cut the sections due to budget pressures. </p>
<p>Certainly it is difficult to get into boarding schools, but I don’t think that one should assume that a good student at a boarding school would be a “superstar” in the local public school. I know that’s an article of faith on CC, but I think the experiences don’t align that neatly.</p>