<p>My family is middle class, and are doing fine. I know they are saving for college, but I don't know how much. I also don't know how to ask them, since it's usually a "finances are an adult matter" thing with them, and we don't talk about it. It seems like it would be an incredibly awkward question, but it is also extremely important. Parents, any suggestions for how to approach them about this?</p>
<p>Well, what year are you in? Are you a Junior in High School and are getting ready to start looking at colleges?
I think a direct but polite approach is best. Explain to them that you realize that they like to be private about finances but that you are ready to start looking at colleges and it would be best for everyone if you had an idea of how much money will be available for your college education. It is definitely advisable to begin the money discussion at the start of the college process. You will see many posts on this forum from disappointed students who are let down after having been accepted to their dream school because mom and dad won’t pay for it. You could even use one of these posts as a way to broach the subject.</p>
<p>I know that, as a parent, I am always willing to have a discussion with one of my children when they approach the subject respectfully and at a time when I am relaxed and receptive to conversation. Good luck!</p>
<p>Good for you. Since “finances are an adult matter” in the family, try bringing it up in the car. Somehow some conversations may be easier when we don’t all have to look at each other.<br>
“I’ve been thinking about college, and when I found out that it costs $X/year to go to <your state=”" flagship=“” public=“” university=“” cost=“” of=“” attendance=“”>, and that private schools like <your favorite=“” private=“” university=“”> cost $Y/year, and I thought it would be helpful for me to understand how much has been saved for my college expenses before I do a lot more planning." Follow-up questions: “Have you and mom (or dad, depending on the person you’re speaking to) thought about how much you would be able to pay each year towards college?” Depending on the answers, you may have some logical follow-up questions, but some others may not be relevant.</your></your></p>
<p>You could always go the indirect way.</p>
<p>“Mom, should I consider finances in my college selection?” or “Do you think I should look for more schools with good merit/financial aid or should I not worry about that?”</p>
<p>Something along those lines, (hopefully better rephrased :p).</p>
<p>I think the subject got brought up in our family when I “lamented” that it might be better for me to go to a UC than a private school because I wouldn’t want to put a financial burden on my parents.</p>
<p>You could just come out and ask them or ask them in a roundabout way - say in asking what you should do for college and hopefully they will lead the discussion including a discussion of finances.</p>
<p>If it is a problem, then the parents might get defensive or try to avoid the question.</p>
<p>Tell them you are starting to think about college and that you are surprised by how expensive many colleges are. Ask them whether they can give you some guidance about how much they think they will be able to afford to contribute. If they say, “don’t worry about it” … get specific. For example… “I’m really interested in Dartmouth… but the cost of attendance for next year is $55,000 – and it looks like these expenses go up every single year. That means it will probably cost well over $200,000 to attend a school like that for 4 years. Am I crazy to be looking at that type of school?”</p>
<p>I’m saying that you need to get specific because it is possible that your parents might not be aware of how much college costs these days. For example, they could have been given advice years ago to save up enough to pay $30K every year… and may be in for some sticker shock. Or – they may have assumed all along that you would just attend the flagship in your state, and be surprised that you are looking at private schools. </p>
<p>Or they may be thinking that you will win scholarships – most people are not aware that the Ivies and other top schools do not offer merit aid these days. </p>
<p>You don’t need to have the conversation all at once – but you can come back from time to time and approach it in different ways. Another good conversation starter would be to comment on some experience of a student at your school – something along the lines of “wow, the class valedictorian got accepted to Yale this year, but now she can’t go because her parents can’t afford the tuition. She is really upset because her parents encouraged her to apply – and never discussed finances with her. If she had known in advance, she would have looked for different schools that offer merit aid.”</p>
<p>You really do NOT need to know how much your parents actually have banked – rather, you need to know what your college budget is – that is, how much they are both able and willing to pay.</p>
<p>The reason I was thinking about this is because I was talking to my parents about a family friend who is currently going to a pricey private school, and wants to go to med school later. The conversation then went to whether or not her (very well-off) family would be able to pay for med school. It made me feel that while my parents wouldn’t really say anything, finances may be an issue or concern, especially since I don’t think we’re eligible for financial aid.</p>
<p>I don’t really need to know how much money my parents have, definetly. I just need a college “budget”.</p>
<p>I was thinking of while looking at a college to say “Wow, the tution is $XXXXX a year. That’s a lot. Is it a problem?”</p>
<p>Check out the FAFSA4caster on-line it is a great tool that estimates financial aid in advance. Your parents will have to plug in figures from their tax returns and if you can do it all together it could be a way to broach the subject of how much have they saved. Good luck.</p>
<p>The thing is that many parents do not know how much college costs today. I do a program for middle school parents, and when I show them the in-state costs for our state flagship (cost of attendance) and the costs at popular OOS publics and privates, they’re shocked. Then when they hear that financial aid does not take into account mortgage and car payments they’re flabbergasted – and these are parents who are interested enough to come to a program on helping their daughters prepare for a career option in science, technology, engineering or mathematics (STEM). </p>
<p>I believe that many (most?) of these families would have told their kids that college costs weren’t something to worry about – but then they see the real numbers and it suddenly is a lot more tangible (and horrible).</p>
<p>Ncm2012, I think your approach (indicated in post #7) would work well, but you should be sure to use the COA (total cost of attendance) not just tuition, since room & board, books, fees, etc. can sometimes be as much as the tuition charge.</p>
<p>I think the indirect “should I worry or not” approach may not be sufficient, especially if you are the oldest child and your parents haven’t been through this since they went to school. I actually would avoid the “car discussion” in this case. If your parents haven’t actually done the calculation, you may get a brush off and have trouble bringing it up again. Here is a suggestion: get some college books (something like Fiske is a great resource) from the library and sit down at the kitchen counter or table with them while your parents are around. Start making a list (or spreadsheet!) of colleges that look interesting and where your test scores seem like a match, and draw your parents into a conversation of what kind of college they could see you at. Then you have a good opening to bring up finances as one of the criteria. And then you can throw in the, “Wow, look at the cost of Dartmouth!” sort of comment.</p>
<p>Also, lots of parents have rose colored glasses about how much financial or merit aid you may get. And they can use that to try to avoid calculating/telling you how much money there is… I wouldn’t disagree with them right away if you don’t think they are being realistic (save that for a later conversation ;)). But ask for an estimate of how much per year they can provide. Hopefully they will see this attention to school selection and finances as a sign of responsible behavior on your part, and give you the info you need.</p>
<p>There isn’t much sadder than parents who tell their kids just to get into the best school they can and that the parents will “figure it out”, then figuring out AFTER the acceptance that the kid won’t be able to go to their dream school. It happened to a kid I know just his year whose dad went to Notre Dame; the kid got in, too, and his dad had to tell him they couldn’t afford to send him.</p>
<p>If your parents REALLY won’t tell you… make sure you apply to some less expensive schools, and some where you are high in the score range and that give good merit aid. And apply to some reach schools, too, of course 
Just in case they really can pay. Who knows, maybe there was some inheritance or settlement money or something in the past that you don’t know about.</p>
<p>You don’t need to know how much they have saved so there’s no need to ask. I say that because, assuming they plan to pay for college, it’s hard to say what their plan is which could include savings, income earned real time while you go, and loans they were planning including equity loans.</p>
<p>The real question, and one you need to discuss together, is “what are the financial constraints you have for college?” You need to have a realistic idea of what they’re willing to spend so you don’t get disappointed if you have your eye on the $200K place and they have in mind the $20K place. You can see a number of other current threads on CC where there wasn’t a good understanding of this and the students can end up very disappointed and so can the parents.</p>
<p>So you’re doing the right thing in wanting to understand finances but you need to not focus on cash in savings but rather the overall plan and constraints.</p>
<p>When I filed the FAFSA for Happykid this year, I also put the same numbers into the EFC calculators at [College</a> Calculators - savings calculators - college costs, loans](<a href=“College Board - SAT, AP, College Search and Admission Tools”>Calculate Your Cost – BigFuture | College Board) and at [FinAid</a>! Financial Aid, College Scholarships and Student Loans](<a href=“http://www.finaid.org%5DFinAid”>http://www.finaid.org) The Collegeboard FAFSA calculator gave me the exact figure, and the finaid FAFSA calculator produced a figure that was about 1k greater. Your Expected Family Contribution is what the colleges and universities will expect your family to be able to pay. In many cases, these institutions expect your family to be able to pay significantly more than that.</p>
<p>You are smart to be thinking about this now, and I hope that your parents realize what a gem of a kid they have! All too often even parents who have been saving are struck by sticker shock.</p>
<p>Wishing you all the best!</p>
<p>why don’t you ask them the following hypothetical question- “If I was accepted at a private college costing 50 K per year, and I also wanted to go to med school or law school, which costs another 200k, can you afford it? If not, can you let me know what you can afford, so I can base my college search on reality and look for colleges that we can afford or get financial aid or where I possibly can get scholarship $$? I’m just looking for the truth, so 2 years from now we can all by happy with where I go to college”</p>
<p>ncm, it looks like you cross posted with me saying that you were doing exactly what I advised – so that part’s good. I think you are on the right track.</p>
<p>However, there is another assumption in your post that I think you should address: do you expect that your parents will be supporting you and subsidizing through grad school or med school? Because that is a whole different thing than merely saving for “college”. I told my kids that I would support them for for 4 years of college, and that the 4 years had to be completed within a span of 5 years from the time they graduated from high school. So if they pursue advanced studies, they will be paying their own way. </p>
<p>So you definitely need to clarify that – families approach that issue in various ways, but it would be a big mistake for you to assume that your parents expect to support you beyond the point where you’ve earned a bachelors degree.</p>
<p>I do not expect my parents to pay for any costs to college. It is my choice and my life. If they wish to contribute or provide a loan, that would be fine. But in no way do I have a self-indulgent expectation that my parents owe me anything more than what they have already given. I love them too much to burden them with an expectation to help finance my college. Never do I want to express a sense of entitlement.</p>
<p>I don’t expect my parents to pay for graduate school. That was just a situation we were discussing about a different family. However, my parents have said they would pay for undergrad, or at least a significant part. It is not selfish on my part, as it is their decision.</p>
<p>Have you started college visits yet? If going to open houses, there is often a financial aid seminar that might be a good opener.</p>
<p>I also suggest doing the research on the cost of attending your state flagship. This is often a good mid-range to use. You might also start by researching a range of schools, and asking them what they think about the schools and their cost. You don’t want to waste time visiting schools that are definitely going to be unaffordable.</p>
<p>Is one parent more approachable than the other? You can explain that others in your school have gotten to senior year and have discovered they couldn’t afford schools, or are taking on a lot of debt. You’d like to have an adult conversation about this to make the college hunt better for everyone.</p>
<p>It’s great that you’re going to have this talk with them. They’re lucky that you’re so conscious of cost now, instead of waiting until after you’ve applied.</p>
<p>Op should also be prepared to answer what he is going to contribute to his college.
Does he want to stay in parents’ home and commute?
Do work study?
Get a job near campus?
Expect parents to pay 100%?</p>
<p>Parents are likely to ask -“what will you chip in?” student needs to have realistic, smart, prepared answers.</p>
<p>I think parents should not feel they need to contribute any money to college. They have raised their kid to age 17 or 18. Parents seem to feel obligated to helping finance college. I have plenty of access to loans, grants, and working part time. I will be an adult at age 18. That means I take full responsibility for my finances and life.</p>