How do I become friends with my roommates?

Student Lounge College Life
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I know that’s kind of a dumb question but I just finished my freshman year and I know that people say most aren’t friends with their roommates and it doesn’t make much of a difference but it turned out to be a pretty big deal for me. My roommate and I met on facebook because we didn’t want to go random, and we had a few things in common so I (mistakenly) thought we’d be good friends. She turned out to be a really standoffish person, and I made an effort to reach out to her and invite her out to stuff the first month but after a few weeks I gave up- there’s only so much you can do, right?

I honestly didn’t necessarily need to have a best friend for a roommate but I do want someone who is polite. I would make the effort to make small talk occasionally but other than that it seemed like she just did not want to ever say a word to me. If I ever found out something about her it was through other people. For example, a few weeks ago she went on a weekend field trip to New York City and she didn’t tell me I was leaving. I didn’t even know until I saw her snapchat story. She’s also incredibly passive aggressive and honestly all those things built up until I started to feel uncomfortable around her and I hated being in my room when she was around, it would give me anxiety. I was going through depression most of this year and her presence really made it worse.

Next year I’m rooming with 2 other girls in an apartment, and I’ve met them a few times and it seems like we’d get along but not really friends yet. I’ve seen firsthand what it’s like to room with someone you don’t get along with and it’s awful, so ideally I’d like to be friends with my roommates next year. I didn’t have a great freshman year (and this definitely made it worse) so what can I do to make sure I’ll have a good living experience? All my other friends at college hit it off really well with their roommates and I feel like the odd one out.

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bumppp

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Just finished my freshman year with a similar deal. I hope it gets better for you.

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I’m guessing you can’t room on your own… Just be polite to your roommate; don’t force anything and don’t invite him/her out to places until you’ve had more time to bond. If they are still standoffish, just accept that you are different people with different personalities. You can have a pleasant time with a roommate by being civil with each other. I had a similar experience Freshmen year.

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Polite may be as good as it gets. There are many horror stories on CC about really bad roommates. Like any relationship, trying to force it might be a bad idea.

You’ll find when you get old and have a real job, there will be co-workers who you get along with and go out to lunch with and others you barely say hi to. Sometimes your closest colleagues will not be more than strangers, and others will become your best friends. This happens at college too, sometimes people you don’t spend as much time with become better friends.

And if you tend towards depression, and she was passive aggressive, that can’t be a great combination. My son is getting a single due to a medical condition, and one factor is the impact of his illness on a potential roommate.

Good luck next year, I hope things turn out better. The first year of college can be the most difficult.