<p>Alright so I live in Long Beach which is probably 2-2.5 hours away and when I go to UCSB my mom kind of expects me to come home every weekend, which obviously sucks because who doesn't want to be in SB meeting new people and seeing new things? What makes it even worse is she wants me to take the train back and forth because she doesn't trust me with my car up there.</p>
<p>How do I get her to let me stay weekends there? I feel if I don't I'll miss out on a lot of stuff and won't build the same friendships I normally would.</p>
<p>Yeah I could tell her those things but I was hoping you guys would also give me some good points to mention to her. I think she wants me to come home because she’ll miss me , but she probably won’t admit it. She’ll probably say something about how I need to see my family and all that.</p>
<p>Well, I’d just told her what you said here already, just stress college is a once in a lifetime opportunity. In addition to telling her that you want to stay here to make friends, tell her that you plan to involve yourself in campus activities such as clubs, as well as study groups for your classes. Promise to call back home often to keep her updated on how you are doing academically at school. You’re close enough to home that you can make an easy drive back if there is a significant family event going on or if you have some kind of major issues going on.</p>
<p>There are of course economic reasons why you wouldn’t go home every weekend even with amtrak. $36 roundtrip from SB to LA; it’ll add up. There are also social reasons like you said, you’ll miss out on tons of stuff but I understand where your mom is coming from; my mom was the same. I didn’t really ignore her on coming home ever month but I told her that it wasn’t academically reasonable. Since a quarter is 10 weeks you usually have a midterm the 5th week in meaning you’re theorectically studying for your tests the second week (note “theoretically”). And even after your midterms you might have papers to write and some courses have more than one midterm.</p>
<p>Be sure your mom goes with you to the orientation weekend during the summer. There are many workshops and discussion forums for parents (separate from students–you’ll be in your own workshops) and a lot of the focus is on “letting go” and allowing you to be the fine young adult she raised you to be :). It’s a little difficult at first but as the months go by two things will likely happen: 1) She’ll start to get used to the idea of you being away and won’t panic if a couple weeks go by without a visit and 2) You’ll get over the novelty of living away from home and will look forward to getting out of the dorm on weekends. Try to call, text, email and/or IM frequently too, that helps a lot.</p>
<p>Compromise!! Tell her that you won’t be able to come every week (for the reasons stated above), but that you would love to come and visit as often as you can. And maybe she can come up and visit you!</p>
<p>make sure to get on msn or some chat with her a couple of times a week, let her know what is going on, point to the large amount of school work, research etc that you need to do, …its not just that she is worried about missing you, but also about losing touch…if you make her feel comfortable on those levels, it will also help.
You can also bring a friend home with you occasionally…</p>
<p>to the OP: wow here’s the thing about life in that we are all so different. I in the other hand am scared and debating whether to go or not to UCSB because i want to stay with my family. I have even been investigating how to get back home EVERY DAY from los angeles to ucsb but everything sounds like I would have to take amtrak or get a car and I can’t afford one for now. My hope was to take many transfer buses from LA to the valley and then to ucsb something that can be cheaper than amtrak or LAX flyaway. does anyone know about any solution? and there’s a ton of good reasons I would like to attend this beautiful campus but just because it’s far away from home scares the hell out of me. and this actually comes from a transfer student, I dont know if your one or a freshman but out of everything this is the only reason why i wouldn’t go to ucsb. </p>
<p>But I will give you a personal advice. oright first of all, tell your parents that you will be studying a lot and that you will check in with them. ok you can tell them you’ll go back every 15 days and even though you wouldn’t, just tell them in the last moment that you have this big midterm or exam something that can make them understand that you still love them but can’t go because of school. Always call them when you can. If they are understandable parents you will be fine. parents wants us to succeed and they won’t know that you will be enjoying life meeting people. In the other hand, I wouldn’t really suggest you tell them that you can’t go home every week because of parties or meeting new people. this makes them feel down and you don’t want to let that happen. do the exam studying strategy, group assignments, and you’ll be more than ok. best of luck to you, and hope to hear from what happens. take care</p>
<p>^Just a note, you’re never going to be able to commute daily from UCSB to LA. Trust me. With so many colleges to choose in the LA basin, why go to UCSB and put yourself through that torture?</p>
<p>well I only applied to UCLA, and occidental. if I get rejected to both, ucsb is my next option. I have a pretty good GPA, so I didnt want to apply to the lower tier one’s like northridge, long beach, and some of these. rc do you think its torture? yeah I am like very concerned, I would like to go to ucsb they give me a great chance to succeed but I dont want to live there. I want to stay with my family and I am very scared about all this.</p>
<p>Well if staying home was such a big draw for you, why didn’t you apply to more local campuses? What attracts you to UCSB, besides academically? I highly suggest going to a local community college and then transferring to a local college.</p>
<p>I see that you got confused with my post rc. I am going to finish Community College this spring. I am a transfer student going to a university in the upcoming fall not an incoming freshman, so I don’t have many options if I wouldn’t get accepted to ucla or occidental. what do you think now?</p>
<p>Oh, ok, I thought you were a freshman, sorry. Anyway, since you’re from LA, you know how the traffic is. I had a friend who commuted from LA (Sylmar) to UCSB for 3 days because her housing contract didn’t kick in until a few days into summer school. She said those were the worst 3 days of her life.</p>
<p>If you’re lucky, you can do a roundtrip to UCSB by car in 4 hours. By train and associated public transportation, it will be more like 7 hours, not to mention the limited schedules. That’s 20-35 hours a week just traveling, not to mention the astronomical travel costs. Plus, how are you going to involve yourself in the campus? Study with a study group? Explore Santa Barbara’s attractions? Go out on a date? Study for a final? All this is time you’re taking a way from an enriching experience?</p>
<p>Anyway, please please talk to a counselor at your community ASAP.</p>