<p>So, obviously I'm not a parent so I may not be welcome here but I have a question that would be much better answered by you guys (adults) than my peers.
My parents have always had very high hopes for me and my future. However, this past year has been really hard (deaths, break ups, sickness, depression, hospitalization, absences etc) and my GPA has dropped a total of .7 points. Leaving me unqualified for the schools my parents would have liked me to go to. Since I am a Junior, college discussions have intensified and its very frustrating to me that they don't understand that I cannot waste money applying to schools I know I will not get into. My gpa is 3.1 weighted as of right now, and my parents are not comprehending that I can't be picky when applying to colleges. They think the best of me and think that I'm selling myself short. It hurts me so much to tell them that I'm being realistic, not selling myself short.
So my question is: how do I explain that no matter how good my ECs are, my ACT is, my essays are, my recommendations are--I will not be getting into top universities? It seems as if to them there is two options: top university or community college.</p>
<p>Does your school have Naviance? Then you can show them the data.</p>
<p>How about state flagship? High SAT/ACT can often offset a lower GPA. If it appeals to you, maybe you can use that compromise to plead your case.</p>
<p>How about apply to two reaches (those schools your parents are dreaming about), 2 matches (schools that seem likely for admissions for you but not definite), and 2 safety schools (schools,where you know you will get accepted). That way, four of your schools,will likely be ones of your choosing, but at the same time there will still be two that your parents think are great.</p>
<p>Being realistic is where you need to be now. If you have decent scores, you should be able to get into a decent 4-year public university as long as you have over a 3.0. Show your parents the stats of schools that are a good fit for your GPA/scores. Maybe you could meet with your school college counselor together with your parents, and the counselor could help confirm your best/most realistic options. Good luck.</p>
<p>I second thumper1’s idea.</p>
<p>I do think Thumper has the right idea. Apply to some reaches to make them happy, but be sure you have at least a couple of schools where you are pretty sure you will get in on the list as well. Also agree that your school guidance counselor might be able to help explain this to your parents (nothing wrong with getting a meeting set up, then stopping in ahead of time to tip the GC off about your concerns). Your GC also may be able to explain to colleges if there are extenuating circumstances for a couple of semesters of low grades. But don’t count on it carrying too much weight.</p>
<p>Thank you all so much for the help! I will definitely take the reach-match-safety advise and I think that will please my parents. I’ll also talk to my guidance counselor about setting up a meeting.</p>
<p>Applying to those reach schools may mean you have to write some extra essays. But that’s ok - many students find some side benefits to that introspective process.</p>
<p>Frankly, if the schools are huge reaches, you don’t need to spend much time on the essays unless you want to. If you have to throw some apps at the Ivy League to make your parents happy, well, that’s the kind of compromise you can probably live with. It’s a shame that your parents are missing the signs, but the lucky thing is that YOU see them, and you can protect yourself by applying to schools that you know are realistic for you. Some kids can’t look the truth in the face until the rejections force them to, and some parents are the same way.</p>
<p>If you have some match and safety schools in mind, contact the admissions office and ask them to send you some brochures, viewbooks, course catalogs, everything they’ve got. Lay them around in strategic places so your parents can stumble upon them and browse through them. Marketing materials can make a school look mighty attractive, and that might help your parents to feel more enthusiastic about the schools you’re aiming for.</p>
<p>You referred to the following hardships:</p>
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<p>It’s not clear whether the “sickness, depression, hospitalization” is something you suffered or something that close family members or friends have been going through – but if it is YOU, then I think you should also discuss with your parents the need for for a college that will not be too demanding or stressful. </p>
<p>That is, you might be very happy and do well at a match or safety school, but become overwhelmed at a reach college (if you manage to get in). Certainly if you are the one who has been ill or suffered from depression, it would probably be unwise to attend school in an overly stressful or competitive environment. </p>
<p>Of course you may recover and do quite well over time – I just think that it’s possible that your parents have not considered that you also need time to recover from the setbacks of the past year.</p>
<p>Applying to college is a collaborative process between student and parent, and while it’s great if everyone is in agreement, that doesn’t always happen. They should have a say in it- as they will likely be paying for it, and they also have long term perspective. The student should also have a say in where he/she will be for the next 4 years, but, ideally, neither parent or child should control the choices 100%.
An objective approach is that over-reaching is taking too much of a risk for any student. Approaching them with the reach-match-safety plan as something recommended for all students might take the focus of of your choices vs their choices. I agree with the idea of applying to some of their reach schools as a compromise, but also come up with a list of schools you are genuinely interested in.
If parents have not been involved with applying to college recently, they may still have a concept of college admissions and reputations according to when they applied. Both have changed significantly. If they are talking to relatives and friends who feel the same way, then it could be difficult for them, but resolving this might be as easy as bringing them up to date on college admissions today. You’ve been looking at the situation already, so continue to look at colleges and include your parents on tours, talking to admissions representatives. Hopefully you both will find colleges that would be great for you.</p>