I just recently started college, and one thing I’m worried about is my roommate having guests over, particularly her boyfriend. For this academic quarter, he won’t be visiting, but after that, its a possibility. When I made roommate agreements with my roommate, she said we could discuss the issue when the new quarter came along. I’m 100% not comfortable with any guys sleeping over in our dorm, and I made this clear to her. I don’t know her boyfriend personally either. She made a suggestion on how I could sleep in another girl’s dorm in our hall, and then changed the topic of discussion. The girl she mentioned has a roommate who apparently is gone on the weekends, leaving a spare bed. Unfortunately, I honestly don’t feel good about sleeping in another dorm for the night either, mostly because I don’t feel comfortable enough with the girls here to do so, as I don’t know them very well, and we have different social circles. They are little more than strangers to me. As well as that, I just feel more secure in my own bed. I also don’t want to be taking someone’s roommate’s bed while they’re away, it seems rude to me.
It’s not an issue as of now, but I get stressed out when I think about what will happen in the future. Are my desires of not wanting to be kicked out for the night whenever her boyfriend is over unreasonable? I was thinking maybe I could just give them time during the day to themselves in our dorm to compensate.
You are absolutely not being unreasonable. The dorm is your room too, not just hers, and you have an equal say in the matter. I think it’s ridiculous that her answer is that you sleep somewhere else- again, it’s your room too. You shouldn’t have to go somewhere else.
I agree with you in the idea that you propose she and her boyfriend maybe have some time during the day together in the room, but I would be clear that you’re just not comfortable with him staying overnight.
Full stop. This is all that needs to be said. A dorm is not a motel, or a youth hostel.
I would tell her you have been thinking about this, and that you are uncomfortable with having left this area of the agreement unfinished and that you would like to revisit having opposite sex overnight visitors.
Things she could do: Find male friends her BF can crash with. Or they can get a hotel. I probably would allow that he stay if you happen to be away for the night or weekend anyway, BUT if your plans change at the last minute, they will have to make other arrangements without guilting you for it.
Now… I might wait until after Thanksgiving to bring it up to see if the “Turkey Drop” occurs (many college long distance relationships end over that weekend).
Thank you!
When I visited my boyfriend in college, he found a girl’s room that I could stay in. Solved the problem. I flew cross-country two Thanksgivings in a row to visit him, and the following Christmas he dumped me. And I was one of those kids who thought we were the exception - of course we’ll stay together!