@applicant4c, I’m a tenured professor at a big public research university. Before that I was a professor at a selective private university. I went to college at an Ivy and graduate school at one of the top technology institutes. So, I’m pretty familiar with a wide range of institutions and students. As you might imagine, I was (and am) pretty competitive myself. I’ve also got a son your age who is right now going through much the same thing as you - his profile and mindset sound a lot like yours. Through my experiences, and my son’s, at the ripe age of > 50 I hope I’ve gained some perspective.
Here’s what that perspective teaches: Most important, it’s not about you! You’ve done amazing stuff. So have thousands upon thousands of other amazing young adults of your generation. You guys run circles around my generation. Example: 11 APs? I couldn’t have taken 11 APs even if I’d wanted to! But in 1985 nothing even approaching that was part of the deal for getting into even the best Ivy. You - and all the other smart, hard-working, well-rounded, passionate young adults out there ROCK! Totally and utterly. I look at your generation and feel the future is in great hands.
So why aren’t you getting into the school of your dreams? Because there are so many more of you than ever before, but the number of slots at the “prestige” schools has increased hardly at all. I read that nearly 45,000 students applied to Harvard this year. Back in my day it was around 15,000, for roughly the same number of 1st-year slots! The acceptance rates are so absurdly low that what separates a student who gets in from one who does not might as well be random in many cases. It’s not that the person who gets into Dream U shouldn’t have. Everyone who gets in deserves to be there. It’s just that for every one who gets in there are 5 or 10 or more who were equally deserving. What got that 1 in could have been totally subjective. Or it might have been a demographic factor - income, ethnicity, geography, legacy - that was totally out of your control. Regardless, it is nothing about which to beat yourself up. Or them. It’s not that you weren’t good enough, or that they misjudged you. It’s just an impossible situation.
The flip side of this is that you shouldn’t assume that if you didn’t get in to place that admits 12% that you won’t get in to a place that is a little more selective. At another place the subjective or demographic factors may break your way. You can’t predict a small odds game.
But what if you don’t get into any of these schools. What then?
Here’s a bit of perspective that you probably won’t hear from the schools, or your teachers and counselors, or even many others on this site: Great faculty and courses and all the rest can be found everywhere. Just as the number of great students has expanded, so has the number of great faculty populating our universities. So today EVERY decent college offers AMAZING opportunities.
And at every college you will find some students who take those opportunities and find ways to make their own, and those who don’t do either. If you are one of those students who carpes the diem then you will be able to excel anywhere. Perhaps more easily at the less elite place because you may stand out more from the pack, if that’s important to you. Trust me when I say that going to Dream U is a huge shock for most, who go from being the top student to the middle of the pack. That’ll rock your sense of identity! Dream U is not a very dreamy place to be, for many, until a year or two of tough self-discovery and reinvention.
Some will tell you that at an Ivy or other elite school you will be surrounded by amazing peers and learn a ton from them. There’s surely truth to that. But you know what? At a less elite school you will also be surrounded by amazing peers from whom you can learn. They may not be quite as amazing academically, on average, but SATs and APs aren’t all there is to life (as I know you know, but as you aren’t necessarily feeling). You’ll find that they are fantastic people who channeled their energies in other directions that you can learn from. Or who had to overcome personal challenges that you were blessed to avoid. From them you may learn things that are actually more valuable to you as you move through life then what you would learn from fellow students at Dream U. You may find yourself inspired by the hurdles they overcame. Meanwhile, they’ll learn from you that academic superstars can be cool and relatable.
Does having that “name brand” on your resume matter? Sure. I won’t lie about that. It’s a strong signal to employers and others. I can point to moments when it helped me in my career to have that “pedigree”, and that’s why I don’t feel guilty that my parents spent what they did to send me to Ivy Dream U. But if you look around you will find that for every successful person with one of those pedigrees there are more who succeeded without one, or who picked up that “elite” credential in a post-graduate program or later in their careers. Not getting it now is not a handicap. It’s just a thing to deal with as you go forward, like a thousand others.
I bet that you feel that having that elite marker would be a sort of validation of all your efforts and achievements. And there’s truth to that, too, no matter how much people tell you that what should matter is what you feel inside, not rewards from outside. But over the years I’ve learned that other forms of validation matter a lot more. Especially the loyalty, love, and respect of your friends, spouse, children… In my case also my students and others I impact in my career. And my success in my career - material (if I’m honest, it matters) and non-material as well. All these things have come to matter to me much, much more than where I went to college, and I firmly believe that while it all would have played out differently if I’d gone somewhere else, it all would have played out just as well. Because all of these things are a result of the choices I have made over the years - and especially how I have chosen to act toward others. Unlike college admissions, these choices ARE under your control. Totally. And Dream U has nothing special to offer when it comes to learning how to make those choices well.
I know some of this may seem hard to believe right now. It may sound condescending, or like small consolation. But it’s all true. It’s understandable you’d be disappointed. Honor that feeling - it’s real, it’s important. But don’t wallow in it. Don’t let this crazy system get you too down for too long. Wait a couple of weeks more. If you don’t get into any of your top choices then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and show the world what you are made of. It’s your life to make of as you will. And you can make something great of it.
