<p>Maybe the title was too succinct, but I'm just terrified of dorming with someone. I was accepted to a program in my university which necessitates the use of a specific hall, so there's no opportunity to be matched; it'll be random and I'll get my roomie assignment next week. I have no idea what to expect :(</p>
<p>I've always been really passive and scared to speak my mind. I can be passionate about many things, but even during classes when we were having discussions, I would visibly shake when I spoke out, whether it was in agreement or in opposition to someone's opinion. I'm scared that if things ever take a turn for the worse and my roommate does something I won't like, I won't know how to approach the issue.</p>
<p>Another thing is I never had many male friends and the last sleepover I had was 8 years ago. I'm expecting to be extraordinarily awkward and just out of place with someone who might be annoyed that I'm not the bro he was expecting.</p>
<p>Finally, I really overthink everything I say and do so I'm just...so scared of having a roommate that will dislike me or grow angry with the things I say and do.</p>
<p>I just need some advice. Sorry if this was whiny, it's just been picking at me for a while.</p>
<p>Stop stressing out so much… and remember that most other students are going to be in the exact same situation. You’re all moving in with strangers, and most of you won’t be accustomed to sharing a tiny room with another person.</p>
<p>In the first week there’s usually a roommate agreement laid out, oftentimes an RA will give you and your roommate a sheet of paper to fill out together. When is bedtime, what’s okay to do while the other roommate is sleeping? Are you okay with sharing your stuff? Etc. This can help avoid problems later on, and get you a clear idea of what will/won’t bother your roommate. And of course the agreement is there for you too, if there are situations you’re uncomfortable with you should really try to speak up early on, and let your roommate know. Even if you’re shy, you need to remember that you’re going to be living with this person for a year.</p>
<p>If there’s ever a case where things get out of hand, and you and your roommate can’t work it out, well, that’s what your RA is for. They get paid to help work out roommate problems and keep floor/building residents happy.</p>
<p>Email the housing office at your college (or, as soon as you know your dorm, email the resident director there) about the practice of a roommate contract or a roommate agreement. If it’s not done, look for a sample one that you find well-done.
Contact your roommate via facebook and get talking like that. If you’re not on Facebook, use your college email to send a brief email about yourself and get the ball rolling.
Don’t expect your roommate to be your best friend and perhaps read the funny book of college stories (with good advice thrown in) called The naked roommate.
Come back here once you know more, the CC community will help you :)</p>
<p>First, you need to change your mentality entering this situation.
It is definitely natural to be nervous and stressed considering your particular background but the way you are going into this doesn’t have enough optimism for it to work out as well as it could.
You need to go into this situation being open to change, open to confrontation, and open to meeting someone that might be completely opposite from you AND actually most likely getting along with each other.</p>
<p>On the confrontation piece, most universities make residents fill out a “roommate contract” at the very beginning of the school year so you can set ground rules on things like lights, cleanliness, guests, etc. Take advantage of this and speak your mind! If you do not let your roommate know what you are comfortable with at the beginning of the year, they won’t know what to expect and an actual confrontation will most likely ensue if you try to change the character of the room later on in the year. The first few days are very important for molding the room into a space that you can feel comfortable in. You just need to put your fears aside and speak up even if it makes you uncomfortable, especially the first few days otherwise you will be perceived as passive for the whole year.</p>
<p>Finally as far as the awkwardness and not measuring up to your roommates perception of you, I totally understand where you are coming from. I think the “bro” mentality can make those who aren’t in that realm very nervous, I was. However, after I met my roommate, I realized that he was even more awkward than I was.
You can’t make assumptions about your roommate until you meet him.</p>
<p>Stop worrying. Dorming is terrifying at first, but it get better as you get used to it! Just keep a positive outlook and the mantra “I will have fun and be sociable” in the back of your head.</p>
<p>Oh and don’t worry too much about your roommate. This person should be picked based on your compatibility. If you do have too much problems with your roommate, you can always ask your RA to move (worse case scenario).</p>
<p>I’m pretty sure your roommate will also be terrified at the thought of living with a stranger. Back when we lived in a dorm, my former roommate and I basically found out that we were both nervous about each other–I made my bed because I was worried she wouldn’t like a messy roommate, and she revealed that she only made her bed because I was making my bed (eventually we both found out that the other didn’t care about the state of our beds or the room, as long as the floor was visible). Usually within the first two weeks, your RA will conduct a roommate agreement where you and your roommate can decide on living conditions.</p>
<p>Rooming with some random stranger sounds really fun and spontaneous!!! I’d be down for it, but I prefer to have my own room right now - but it sounds like a blast lol.</p>