<p>Hey everyone,
I will be going to college this fall. I've met a lot of really cool people at orientation that have similar interests, same classes, same major etc... However, I do not drink, do drugs or party and the majority of the people that I have met do. A few questions, how do you handle the question "Do you party?" if you do not and is it possible to be friends with people who do even if you do not. A few people have already asked me this question and the best I could do was give an answer that didn't go each way haha</p>
<p>I wasn't very social in high school and didn't have many friends so this wasn't an issue for me but I would like to have more friends in college and am afraid that it might be very easy for me to cave into peer pressure in college as a result.</p>
<p>You could avoid the question by saying what you do enjoy doing and looking for some common ground on those things, and seeing if you can set up a time to do those mutually enjoyable things together.</p>
<p>If some of the people you’re meeting want to devote every free moment to partying instead of also exploring other interests, you don’t have much in common with them and wouldn’t enjoy being with them anyway.</p>
<p>The best way to make like minded friends in college is to get involed with organizations that interest you. Fall of freshman year is the best time to do this because the organizations are looking for new members. Don’t just get involved with organizations and activities that you’ve done before. Try out activities and organizations that interest you that you’ve never tried before, too.</p>
<p>It’s also fine to say, “No, I don’t party. I enjoy doing” and then list some things you enjoy. If this turns off some people, then they wouldn’t have been people you’d have enjoyed as friends anyway.</p>
<p>“Well, no, not really. I don’t mind if you do, though. That’s just not how I roll. I like to . . . .”</p>
<p>Also, recognize that not everything about you is set in stone yet. A lot of kids coming out of high school see “partying” in Manichaean terms: They are Good, and partiers are slacker/stupid Evil, or they are Good and non-partiers are repressive/uptight Evil. A lot of that need to see the world in either/or terms relates to immaturity and self-doubt. College re-cuts the deck, and the average maturity of college students is much greater than that of high school students. So in college you are much more likely to find people you enjoy, and who enjoy you back, among both partiers and non-. And, one hopes, all of you can see partying or not as one dimension among many of someone’s personality (and not a terribly important one), rather than some sort of unbridgeable social chasm. Finally, if you decide to dip your toe into the partying waters, and to find some happy medium where you feel comfortable participating in other people’s preferred forms of socializing without feeling untrue to yourself, well, you won’t be the first or the last to do that.</p>
<p>The real danger I sometimes see is kids who put way too much stock in their anti-party identity. Then they “slip”, and they feel compromised, impure, fallen, and it turns into a cycle of self-hatred in which they can’t exercise control. That’s messed up. Try to go easier on yourself and on others.</p>
<p>As always, JHS put it much better than I ever could. </p>
<p>If people want to party, that’s their choice. If you don’t, that’s yours. Keep an open mind; but if you find yourself having to take care of a sick friend one too many times, then it might be time to rethink a friendship.</p>
<p>If you find someone you like and who likes to party, you can still be friends. For most students, partying is not an all-consuming activity (or should I say, all-drinking? :)). My kid is a teetotaler, not by ideology, but because he does not like the taste of alcohol. He has friends who do like to party, but know how to drink in moderation. He does not go with them to parties that involve drinking, but there are many other things they do together.</p>
<p>What he did not like was the consequences of excessive drinking. He had one such roommate in his freshman year whose after-party behavior often grossed out the non-drinkers. Luckily for the rest of the suite, that roommate decided to join another group for the next three years. </p>
<p>What you can do when asked is something along the lines of: “I’m not much of a drinker. How about getting together and doing (fill the blank…) ?”</p>
<p>I agree with JHS’s sample statement (actually, I agree with JHS’s entire post). There is no reason not to answer honestly - the key is to not sound like a judgmental jerk in the process. Of course you can be friends with people who party. That doesn’t mean that you WILL be friends with EVERYONE who parties. But there’s no reason you wouldn’t be friends with ANY of them - even the best of friends don’t generally have every single interest in common.</p>
<p>Also, keep in mind the following:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>There are many different sorts of parties. Not all of them, even in college, are loud or drunk. You may end up liking some party forms and not others.</p></li>
<li><p>If you give the impression that you like to party when you don’t, you may end up with well-intentioned friends trying to drag you to parities that they are under the mistaken impression that you would like, and thinking that when you constantly refuse, you are spurning THEM rather than the parties.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>The person asking the question might be another one who does not party. If you simply say that you don’t, you may have found a person with whom you can do other things on weekend evenings.</p>
<p>I didn’t party at all in high school, but did an average amount in college. At least at the parties I was familiar with I think you could easily have drunk soft drinks and talked or danced with others at the party.</p>
<p>So I’d say something like, “I didn’t do much partying in high school, but I’m keeping an open mind for college, but I really like going to the movies, playing video games (or whatever) though.” Or you could say something like “Well it depends on the party.”</p>
<p>And there’s ALWAYS someone else who doesn’t like to “party”–ie, get completely blasted–to go to parties with–you’re not as unusual as the high school culture wants you to think! It’s totally easy to have fun at a party without going out of control, but sometimes you have to learn how to pick your parties. At my school, (Kenyon eons ago), certain frats had terrific parties at which everyone had fun and was comfortable, but others were revolting drunken grope-fests, and it was something you learned right away freshman year–ask your RA and do some trial runs.</p>
<p>I enjoyed the advice in this thread and will encourage my DDs to read it but cadence, this made me LOL “others were revolting drunken grope-fests” ;)</p>
<p>There’s a similar thread on the College Life forum, and the advice is quite similar. It seems to me that it makes sense to ask what the question “Do you party?” means. Does it mean “do you drink” or “do you like to go to parties” or something else? I think it means, “do you like to go to parties that involve heavy drinking,” but I’m not sure.</p>
<p>After everyone on the floor/in the dorm has left to “party” take a walk around and see who is left in their rooms or in the lounge hanging out - those are likely people, just like you and may be good friend material.</p>
<p>I would say “sometimes.” And leave it at that. People that party wouldn’t really notice people that don’t. There is no reason not to go to parties just because you don’t drink or do drugs. They are expensive enough people are not going to be offended if you just say no thanks. Of course it is your choice if you want to hang out with people that party. My daughter likes to go to frat parties, but she doesn’t like to get drunk, so she usually picks up her friends off the floor to make sure they get home. </p>
<p>I think the way to make friends is try not to be too judgmental one way or another. I also don’t think one needs to put every card on the table right away - it’s no one’s business what you like to do. Just remember who you are and be yourself, and no need to advertise it to everyone.</p>
<p>As far as I’ve ever heard, party = drink, although in some instances other forms of chemical entertainment may also be offered.</p>
<p>Some kids who do not like to drink go to alcohol-oriented parties to be part of the group. Others avoid such parties because they don’t enjoy being the only sober person in a room full of people who are intoxicated. It’s a matter of personal preference.</p>
<p>But even if you don’t go to parties, you can be enjoy the company of people who do. You just enjoy their company at times when they’re not partying. They may be great people to be with when you’re hanging out at the dorm, going to the dining hall, attending a campus event, or studying together.</p>