<p>I'm a man, and wrote a common app essay about feminism - specifically, the need for men to be feminists. I worry, though, that I focused too much on the state of feminism in America at the moment and not enough on how it affects me personally. How can I make it more personal? I know that people are going to say "tie it into a personal experience", but a little more direction than that would be greatly appreciated. </p>
<p>If it's really necessary, I can share my essay through a PM, but I would like to not have any applicants for this year read it. I'm a little paranoid.</p>
<p>When I wrote my essay last year, I got a essay corrector/instructor to help me. She was super helpful and my essay would have been so much worse without her. I had the same problem as you on my first draft and I compared sherlock holmes to myself and how he influenced me. I can’t really do much on my end without the actual essay and I am terrible on the whole “feminism” thing. </p>
<p>so two pieces of advice. one if you want to make it confidential yet corrected get a corrector ( I can give you the info on the person I used, she is nice but we did everything over emails and phone since she doesn’t live near me. a friend of mine recommended her and she is kind of expensive). two, from what I learned, the essay is about you, and to that aspect scrape as much facts from your essay about feminism that is not related to you as possible. Like i first referred to a sherlock holmes story, but I later decided to delete that whole paragraph and just go with “sherlock holmes is …” the qualities that both of us possesses. Hope this helps and good luck</p>