How do I overcome inferiority complex in college?

Student Lounge International Students
1

I was originally born and raised in one of the East Asian countries, meaning that my first language was not English. My family moved to the states when I was 9th grade, expecting that I would be able to get into top universities in the states. However, the reality was not easy.

I didn’t do well in social sciences and English classes during high school, my overall unweighted GPA was 3.5. Luckily, I could get into public flagship university (for example, the University of Missouri, but I am not a student there). I can definitely say my college is not a bad school, but it is not enough to satisfy both me and my parents.

Especially, the same ethnic group people and extended families, even my old friends back in my home country judge me. They are always wondering which university I am attending and say “I have never heard of that college.”

If you are reading this, you might not understand this situation. I have recognized that I and the person who makes my life. People cannot judge me, and I don’t need to listen to other’s judgment. College doesn’t matter, and it depends on what you do in your college. However, I don’t know why I’m looking at myself as a failure. Of course, my parents are supporting so much, but I can see they are always thinking somehow “if I could get into a better or more prestigious school.”

My dad works at a small company, so he has to meet and deal with his boss a lot. Even his boss looks down my dad and treats badly because I am not attending a not prestigious school.

Also, I really don’t like my college right now, and I am not doing well at my college. My GPA is 2.22 right now. Wow!!! Why did I let my GPA went so low? Since I started to go to college, I have suffered very deep depression. And it hit the top in my sophomore year. I couldn’t even get out of my room. I didn’t go to all classes, and I finished with five F’s that year (with some C’s and D’s, not A’s or B’s).

I felt I was left alone in college and repeating my high school. Back to my high school, I was almost the only foreign student in my high school. Most people are white and wealthy because it was a private school. I couldn’t have any chance to hang out with people there. No one wanted to befriend me, and they avoided talking with me. If I said something in front of people, no one reacted to me. So, I expected so much that everything would be better if I go to college.

And when I was a freshman, I tried hard to survive in college. I did many club activities and made a good relationship with professors. However, I felt there is an invisible wall between me and other Americans. University I go to is the public flagship, so almost 90% of students are from the same state and 70% are white. No diversities.

I lost interest in both academically and socially. And now my GPA is 2.22. I don’t know what I can do if I graduate with this GPA. I don’t have any friends now. I didn’t earn anything from my college.

It was a long story, but if you are reading by here, thanks for reading my story. I’m a junior this year and don’t know what should I do right now. Should I drop out of my college because it’s basically wasting money? I am even thinking to drop out my college, go to community college, and try to attend other colleges right now. How do you think of that?

Please give me any advice, and I will accept any good or bad ideas from you guys.

Thank you

2

Hi, you have been through a lot! Those cultural expectations sound very hard to deal with.

I think you should reach out to your school’s counseling center. They can help you with the depression, and give you communication tools to deal with your parents’ (and others) unfair expectations and work out ways to deal with your own feelings of disappointment and low self esteem.

I would hope that at a large university like yours there is a student diversity office that could help you connect with some racially diverse students?

I can’t help with transferring advice, sorry. But bottom line, there are resources at your school to help you, for free, so start there.

3

I agree to reach out to your school’s counseling center. Depression is treatable! Don’t try to manage this alone.

4

It’s normal for students coming into this country to struggle with the English language and with its literature. US History is hard on its own. US students have had the advantage of studying portions of it every year since elementary school.

Also, for your grades, there should be free tutoring at your school. Please know that this doesn’t mean you are not capable, it just means that you want to get ahead and the tutors know what the professor will continue to focus upon. My children were all excellent students and they attended tutoring every day to get a jump on their lessons. It’s not a bad thing.

As for your family and so-called friends “across the pond”, they cannot possibly know how hard it is to transition into a new culture and language. You are here, they are not. They would have to deal with the same difficulties. I would just say they are so jealous and think that they would do better, so they are being mean-spirited to kill your motivation. Don’t let them control your life.

Work with your professors and let them help you to get campus jobs or volunteer work. You will make friends once you keep yourself busy. Please don’t believe that there is a wall between you and other students. If you need to see the counselors, please sign up.

It is not supposed to be easy. Any prestigious school would have the same issues. It’s not the school. You are letting yourself believe that the school is somehow the issue. Most international students would be envious to get the education you are getting at your school. Take advantage of the friendships you’ve made with the professors and go from there. If they liked you, then others will soon follow suit.

Let us know how you are doing. You will get a lot of support from the good people here on CC. You can raise your GPA. Ignore the people who have nothing to do with your life. You don’t need those toxic people in your life.

5

So a few things:

  1. That depression needs to be taken care of. Don’t be so hard on yourself. But do figure out why you’re in this hole. Speaking as someone who was also an Asian kid growing up in a nearly all-white environment (though, granted, I grew up in the US), I was always an outsider, which I think is why my friends were also outsiders (Indian, black, white working class kid from a small coal mining town, etc.) But that meant I also found it easy to hang out with various groups (other Asian kids but also the geeks and social rejects). If you’re in a big flagship, you should be able to find plenty of other East Asian students and all sorts of other groups/types.
  2. You control your own life. Right now, you’re ascribing your failure to external causes (Yes, your college is 70% white, but why not find other non-white kids? Yes, you didn’t want to go to the college you ended up at, but why not get a good GPA while there? The world is your oyster if you kill it academically).
    You need to figure out why you’re feeling the way you do and getting such a low GPA. What mental model of the world do you have? Do you believe that if you work hard and overcome obstacles to achieve your goals, you will do so and feel proud at your accomplishments? Why or why not? What goals and interests do you have?