How Do I package myself?

Chance Me / Match Me!
1

<p>Hey guys... I'm a rising senior who is trying to writing his common app essay. I was looking at all my EC's over the years, and I want to see how you guys would tie them all together. I know that your essay is supposed to show what you're passionate about, and your EC's are supposed to show how you acted on that passion.... I understand you'll have to work backwards a little bit for this, but give it a shot.</p>

<p>BTW -- as a reference, I'm probably applying to upenn ED and the rest of the ivys and MIT regular, TCNJ as my safety </p>

<p>Academics:</p>

<p>SAT 2340 (800 M 760 CR 780 W)
SAT II's (haven't taken them yet... expecting high 700's)
GPA: 3.9 Unweighted, 4.4 weighted (I've taken the hardest course load my school has ever offered, and I got 2 B's freshman year... the rest all A's)
AP's: 4 in AP US (I was a freshman, nobody else from my school has ever taken a freshman AP), 5 in Euro, World, Lang and Comp, and Bio
Senior courses: no history ): there's no other history classes for me to take, AP Calc BC, AP Stat, AP German, AP English Lit., and Honors Physics
Rank: No clue, I know I'm in the top decile</p>

<p>EC's:</p>

<p>Founder of 501(c)3 non-profit community organization that focuses on student leadership -- held two (soon to be three) successful conferences with 50+ middle and high school students, started high school chapter within my school and looking for more schools to join on (10th-12th grade)</p>

<p>Diversity -- 9th grade I was selected to be a member of my school's diversity committee, 10th grade I was the diversity day chair, 11th grade and 12th grade i was the diversity committee chair (a position they didn't even have before)... working with a national organization to start similar diversity committees all over the country (we'll see how successful that is... but i'm working on it now)</p>

<p>Voting member on my county's drug and alcohol board... allocate over $3m in state and federal funds to prevention, intervention, and treatment programs. i also do a lot of volunteer work for that kind of thing (11th-12th grade)</p>

<p>Additional passion (I know this doesn't really fit in anywhere else, but it's just something i do) -- editor-in-chief and founder of my school's lit magazine since 10th grade... we grew the club from nothing to over 60 editors with a BIG presence in our school. right now, i'm working with a few other lit mags on producing a literary magazine as part of a pretty active state journalism association (again, we'll see how that works out, but i'm working on it now)</p>

<p>Pretty involved in the Boy Scouts -- I was the head of the county-wide honor society (over 800 members) from 10th to 12th grade, and i'll be an Eagle Scout in just a few weeks (knock on wood!)</p>

<p>Public relations officer for my class 10th and 11th grade -- did a LOT of work -- but unfortunately i lost the election for senior year ): I'll still probably be active and have an "added position" like assistant to the adviser or something like that.</p>

<p>debate (like evryone else in the world) 4 years, my school's not very good but i've been a finalist in extemp for my league for all four years. small league... not a big deal. i'll probably be a captain next year (but basically every senior at my school is a "captain")</p>

<p>Summers:</p>

<p>summer going into 9th grade -- volunteered at boy scout summer camp (overnight) and interned at my state representatives office </p>

<p>summer going into 10th grade -- took African American history at an urban school... this is probably what i'm going to write my essay about... feeling embarassed that i, a middle-class white kid, was doing better than these much older african american college students... it made me think about the advantages i have and (i'm not going to write this, but hopefully the adcomms can infer this) that's why i developed programs to keep kids on track</p>

<p>summer going into 11th grade -- planned first student leadership conference, taught ESL to immigrants and refugees/victims of torture</p>

<p>summer going into 12th grade -- planning second student leadership conference, paid internship at research institute that studies drug and alcohol prevention. i'm writing and will present in a 1-hr seminar to all the doctors and researchers (and perhaps publish) a paper on how student leadership can deter kids from high risk behavior. </p>

<p>Awards:</p>

<p>nothing major, AP scholar with distinguished honors, national merit semi-finalist (i'll probably be finalist), philly young hero award (not a big deal), boy scout "youth of the year" (again, not as big a deal as it would seem), local creative writing contest, eagle scout, congressional gold medal (both pending but will be done by app time)</p>

<p>Hooks: </p>

<p>just 400+ volunteer hours so really nothing... i'm an upper-middle class white kid from the northeast... i'm a legacy at penn though and i'm applying ED</p>

<p>My thoughts -- I think I should package myself who's all about keeping kids and teens on the right track. I'm really passionate about the problems surrounding drugs, alcohol, and diversity. I might write my essay on the advantages i have as a middle-class white kid and hoping that the adcom (as shown through my experience taking African American history) infers that what i did was to keep kids in my community on the right track</p>

2

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<p>Oh no, please don’t do this. Nobody wants to read that. You can talk about keeping teens on the right track, but don’t start telling people you have a lot of experience with inner-city kids because you took an African American studies class. That’ll get your essay straight into the garbage. Don’t even mention your race. </p>

<p>You have excellent grades, SAT scores, and extracurriculars. Write a standard personal statement, and let your resume speak for itself. You’ll do fine.</p>

3

<p>double post</p>

4

<p>I agree with the previous poster. No offense that seems like a horrible topic, it makes you sound arrogant, egotistical and slightly racist (I doubt you are actually any of these things). Talking about the advantages you have had is a horrible idea, it makes it sound like you would not have achieved what you have achieved if you where not upper-middle class. Switch your topic to something that simply addresses your desire to help improve your community, but you might not want to make it the focus of your essay.</p>

5

<p>no no no… i agree with what you guys said. maybe i didn’t phrase it well…</p>

<p>i wanted to write about how an experience taking a course at an poor, inner city school changed my point of view about privilege, poverty, and what it really takes to succeed. it wouldn’t be anything that talks about my achievements (i heard thats bad) but i want it to reveal my inner motivation behind all my ec’s. i’m certainly not going to make it about me changing anyones lives… just changing my perspective. i didn’t fix poverty or save anyone from inner-city life… all im saying is the experience changed my views.</p>

6

<p>In that case yes, that might be a really good essay. I agree it was just not phrased well the first time you described it… That being said be careful as you write it, because you could accidentally do what you did on the first post and accidentally convey the wrong message.</p>