How Do I package myself?

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of Pennsylvania
1

<p>Hey guys... I'm a rising senior who is trying to writing his common app essay. I was looking at all my EC's over the years, and I want to see how you guys would tie them all together. I know that your essay is supposed to show what you're passionate about, and your EC's are supposed to show how you acted on that passion.... I understand you'll have to work backwards a little bit for this, but give it a shot.</p>

<p>BTW -- as a reference, I'm probably applying to upenn ED and the rest of the ivys and MIT regular, TCNJ as my safety </p>

<p>Academics:</p>

<p>SAT 2340 (800 M 760 CR 780 W)
SAT II's (haven't taken them yet... expecting high 700's)
GPA: 3.9 Unweighted, 4.4 weighted (I've taken the hardest course load my school has ever offered, and I got 2 B's freshman year... the rest all A's)
AP's: 4 in AP US (I was a freshman, nobody else from my school has ever taken a freshman AP), 5 in Euro, World, Lang and Comp, and Bio
Senior courses: no history ): there's no other history classes for me to take, AP Calc BC, AP Stat, AP German, AP English Lit., and Honors Physics
Rank: No clue, I know I'm in the top decile</p>

<p>EC's:</p>

<p>Founder of 501(c)3 non-profit community organization that focuses on student leadership -- held two (soon to be three) successful conferences with 50+ middle and high school students, started high school chapter within my school and looking for more schools to join on (10th-12th grade)</p>

<p>Diversity -- 9th grade I was selected to be a member of my school's diversity committee, 10th grade I was the diversity day chair, 11th grade and 12th grade i was the diversity committee chair (a position they didn't even have before)... working with a national organization to start similar diversity committees all over the country (we'll see how successful that is... but i'm working on it now)</p>

<p>Voting member on my county's drug and alcohol board... allocate over $3m in state and federal funds to prevention, intervention, and treatment programs. i also do a lot of volunteer work for that kind of thing (11th-12th grade)</p>

<p>Additional passion (I know this doesn't really fit in anywhere else, but it's just something i do) -- editor-in-chief and founder of my school's lit magazine since 10th grade... we grew the club from nothing to over 60 editors with a BIG presence in our school. right now, i'm working with a few other lit mags on producing a literary magazine as part of a pretty active state journalism association (again, we'll see how that works out, but i'm working on it now)</p>

<p>Pretty involved in the Boy Scouts -- I was the head of the county-wide honor society (over 800 members) from 10th to 12th grade, and i'll be an Eagle Scout in just a few weeks (knock on wood!)</p>

<p>Public relations officer for my class 10th and 11th grade -- did a LOT of work -- but unfortunately i lost the election for senior year ): I'll still probably be active and have an "added position" like assistant to the adviser or something like that.</p>

<p>debate (like evryone else in the world) 4 years, my school's not very good but i've been a finalist in extemp for my league for all four years. small league... not a big deal. i'll probably be a captain next year (but basically every senior at my school is a "captain")</p>

<p>Summers:</p>

<p>summer going into 9th grade -- volunteered at boy scout summer camp (overnight) and interned at my state representatives office </p>

<p>summer going into 10th grade -- took African American history at an urban school... this is probably what i'm going to write my essay about... feeling embarassed that i, a middle-class white kid, was doing better than these much older african american college students... it made me think about the advantages i have and (i'm not going to write this, but hopefully the adcomms can infer this) that's why i developed programs to keep kids on track</p>

<p>summer going into 11th grade -- planned first student leadership conference, taught ESL to immigrants and refugees/victims of torture</p>

<p>summer going into 12th grade -- planning second student leadership conference, paid internship at research institute that studies drug and alcohol prevention. i'm writing and will present in a 1-hr seminar to all the doctors and researchers (and perhaps publish) a paper on how student leadership can deter kids from high risk behavior. </p>

<p>Awards:</p>

<p>nothing major, AP scholar with distinguished honors, national merit semi-finalist (i'll probably be finalist), philly young hero award (not a big deal), boy scout "youth of the year" (again, not as big a deal as it would seem), local creative writing contest, eagle scout, congressional gold medal (both pending but will be done by app time)</p>

<p>Hooks: </p>

<p>just 400+ volunteer hours so really nothing... i'm an upper-middle class white kid from the northeast... i'm a legacy at penn though and i'm applying ED</p>

<p>My thoughts -- I think I should package myself who's all about keeping kids and teens on the right track. I'm really passionate about the problems surrounding drugs, alcohol, and diversity. I might write my essay on the advantages i have as a middle-class white kid and hoping that the adcom (as shown through my experience taking African American history) infers that what i did was to keep kids in my community on the right track</p>

2

<p>sorry, i gave up reading on line 12. i’m pretty sure the adcoms will as well.</p>

3

<p>Scattered…what’s your real passion?</p>

4

<p>Duh! Everyone knows you had an advantage</p>

5

<p>im trying to make my app more cohesive. my real passion is positive youth development… making sure kids grow up with strong skills and positive morals (not in like a religious sense per se, but still). student leadership gives kids confidence, self esteem, and the ability to make a difference in the world; diversity and expression (through creative writing) contribute to healthy self esteem and relationships, everything with drugs and alcohol prevention is to keep kids off drugs and alcohol… obviously an important part of child development. I’m really passionate about making sure kids grow up strong not just in the classroom but outside of it, and each project i do tries to make my community’s youth that much stronger. </p>

<p>also as for the essay im not really talking about my advantage… obviously i have an advantage… im talking about this:</p>

<p>i wanted to write about how an experience taking a course at an poor, inner city school changed my point of view about privilege, poverty, and what it really takes to succeed. it wouldn’t be anything that talks about my achievements (i heard thats bad) but i want it to reveal my inner motivation behind all my ec’s. i’m certainly not going to make it about me changing anyones lives… just changing my perspective. i didn’t fix poverty or save anyone from inner-city life… all im saying is the experience changed my views.</p>

6

<p>deathblade… sorry it was long – i don’t plan on writing out my ec’s like that on the application. i was just trying to give you a clear idea as to what i did</p>

7

<p>Your application is strongly oriented towards community service. That is probably what you should write your essay on too. Or perhaps about your research on drug and alcohol prevention. Wouldn’t writing an essay about how you were doing better than older African Americans sound a little pretentious? A little bragging about your academic merit maybe? And what is the point of writing about how you had an advantage? What picture of you would that paint to adcoms?</p>

8

<p>I wouldn’t say community service- I’d say leadership, which strongly fits an interest in pp. The essay is not meant to describe your passions or explain research. They’ve got your stats rigor, EC list and LoRs. Now they need a closer look at “you.” </p>

<p>Don’t write about your uneasy feelings about surpassing others. Pton is right that most kids inadvertently end up sounding pretentious. And, privileged. </p>

<p>Why not use an incident in the leadership program that was a challenge or turning point? How you tackled it, turned it around and grew in tangible ways? In a nace tale, you can show resiliance, focus, ability to handle a hurdle. But, remember, it’s “show not tell.” Ie the tale yields the picture of your personal qualities, not just saying so.</p>

9

<p>Again do not write about your privilege. Adcoms do not care how your views evolved by seeing the diffs between your status and another’s. You’ll end up likely informing them of your parents’ success, and how keenly you see your privilege, not your own valued qualities. Likewise, it’s crazy for a hs kid, still growing, yet to leave home, to write thinks it takes to succeed in life. </p>

<p>Btw, adcoms rarely infer, when a kid leaves blanks. It would be a bit unethical and the responsibility to submit a solid self-presentation lies with the applicant. Make it: not too much, not too little, just right. Garner up your confidence and strategize.</p>

10

<p>I believe UPS sells boxes.</p>