<p>To echo something else that people have said - go have fun. If I am very sad or disappointed, after an initial cry or whatever, I need a distraction. I suspect this is pretty common. So go get ice cream or see a movie or something.</p>
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<p>If, by the time a child is ready to graduate from high school the above statement is true, the parents and their child have led a very charmed life.</p>
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<p>This will be an interesting issue in our house next week. DS is certain to get more rejections than his sister did three years ago, because he applied to more “reach” schools. </p>
<p>DD, a musician, applied to a very small number of schools because she had to audition at each one. She was accepted to all of them. Only one was a “reach,” and that’s where she is attending.</p>
<p>DS, a math/science type, applied to many more schools, including some that are much more selective than his sister’s. He has already received as many acceptances as she did, but he has also received one rejection, and he hasn’t heard yet from two-thirds of his applications, including the biggest reaches.</p>
<p>There’s only one school to which they both applied - it’s the one that DD is attending, and DS has not heard from that one yet. Even though he has already been accepted to a higher-ranked school than hers, I don’t know how he will feel if he ends up being denied by the school where she attends.</p>
<p><<<i am=“” dreading=“” april=“” 1st.=“” my=“” child=“” did=“” his=“” very=“” best=“” at=“” high=“” school,=“” has=“” excellent=“” stats,=“” and=“” challenged=“” himself=“” in=“” senior=“” year=“” taking=“” four=“” hard=“” courses=“” the=“” local=“” ivy=“” league=“” college.=“” he=“” been=“” waitlisted=“” by=“” mit,=“” as=“” we=“” all=“” know,=“” admissions=“” can=“” be=“” a=“” matter=“” of=“” luck=“” chance.=“” how=“” do=“” i=“” help=“” rebuild=“” confidence=“” if=“” gets=“” rejected=“” first=“” tier=“” schools?=“” afraid=“” that=“” any=“” rationalizations=“” might=“” offer=“” will=“” not=“” mean=“” much.=“”>>></i></p><i am=“” dreading=“” april=“” 1st.=“” my=“” child=“” did=“” his=“” very=“” best=“” at=“” high=“” school,=“” has=“” excellent=“” stats,=“” and=“” challenged=“” himself=“” in=“” senior=“” year=“” taking=“” four=“” hard=“” courses=“” the=“” local=“” ivy=“” league=“” college.=“” he=“” been=“” waitlisted=“” by=“” mit,=“” as=“” we=“” all=“” know,=“” admissions=“” can=“” be=“” a=“” matter=“” of=“” luck=“” chance.=“” how=“” do=“” i=“” help=“” rebuild=“” confidence=“” if=“” gets=“” rejected=“” first=“” tier=“” schools?=“” afraid=“” that=“” any=“” rationalizations=“” might=“” offer=“” will=“” not=“” mean=“” much.=“”>
<p>1) Temper your own disappointment. Hard for the helicopter parent.
2) Remind him of the other non-academic things he does well–good son, sibling, funny, warm, good family member, etc. It’s a real set-up and toxic when kids are validated purely for their academic performance but oh-so-common.
3) Remind him that he may fall in love (with a school he wasn’t really expecting to attend), again
4) Show him articles, they’re innumerable, that it doesn’t really matter where he goes, that that is more for vicarious parents who don’t have a lot going in their own lives/marriages.</p>
<p>Hug him and let him cry, if need be. AND, THEN, WARM HOMEMADE COOKIES!!! (either way)</p>
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<p>D. has assigned numbers to each school on her list. She got to every school with very substantial Merit scholarships. However, she has applied to very selective programs within each college applying to only colleges that have such a program. Well, she did not get into the program at her #1, but got into similar program at #2. We have continuously discussed verious possibilities and have agreed that to get to any of these programs is an accomplishment by itself. She did spend a couple minutes being upset and went to her #2. Selective program at #2 used to accept only 10 freshmen and has been cancelled since then. D. feels even more lucky being part of this program, which makes big difference for her now - she will be college senior next year. </p>
<p>The point of this is that it will work out no matter where, if a kid is prepared to accept situation which is not under his/her control. Talking beforehand and putting everything into prospective makes a lot of difference.</p>
<p>If we could only convince them all that they can BLOOM WHERE THEY ARE PLANTED!</p>
<p>Very difficult to maintain this perspective at the same time they are determined to identify and get into the “best” school/fit/program, etc.</p>
<p>(That said, I admit that things were much calmer at our house at this time because S had an acceptance to our really excellent state flagship in his pocket while awaiting other decisions.)</p>
<p>There was a wonderful thread during the EA/ED process on this and their are some comments that might help, even though it was more about the EA/ED decisions.</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/823550-whatever-mood-your-house-week.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/823550-whatever-mood-your-house-week.html</a></p>
<p>I’m also going to put Olymom’s words on my fridge! My daughter got deferred EA then waitlisted from UNC-CH last week then left the house to lose a challenge match on her tennis team. Horrible day! The next day she got into NYU when she really didn’t think she would. The roller coaster is killing us! She hears from her number one choice at 5:00 his Friday. I absolutely dread it! Already have my valium refilled and a bottle of wine chilling! Just kidding.
I agree that things happen for a reason. For my daughter, a lot of her feelings have to do with the kids in her class asking her if she got in schools or not. Peer pressure is horrible!</p>
<p><<<for my=“” daughter,=“” a=“” lot=“” of=“” her=“” feelings=“” have=“” to=“” do=“” with=“” the=“” kids=“” in=“” class=“” asking=“” if=“” she=“” got=“” schools=“” or=“” not.=“” peer=“” pressure=“” is=“” horrible!=“”>>></for></p>
<p>I think that what bball mom wrote is oh-so-true; a lot of kids are heartsick over what their peers think or will say.</p>
<p>My daughter, already in for ED, is fortunate to go to a school where no one asks where someone got in and is very congratulatory when someone does say where they got in or highly sympathetic and supportive if a fellow announces a rejection or deferral. Don’t know how the school accomplishes this (although we have rec’d quite a few e-mails from the school, urging and remind sensitivity over the past school year, and the kids in her school have a high degree of social consciousness). But I think that most kids are not so tactful–they inventory take with a lack of diplomacy that is stunning, not meaning to be mean. The kids in my daughter’s school are really great, too, about discretion, not putting anything on FB. And if someone does say congrats, they don’t mention the issue or school, and the admitted student merely posts a smiley face or “thanks.”</p>
<p>But, most kids need a crash course in sensitivity regarding the “where’s ya get in?” part of the college admissions process.</p>
<p>N.B. When I asked my daughter if she were going to change her FB status to show that she had gotten into college, she looked horrified and said, “never, that would be so obnoxious.”</p>
<p>We’ve had this experience in a different flavor in our family.</p>
<p>D1 got accepted ED at the 1 quite competitive school she applied to. She was in love with it at first sight and still loves it as a junior.</p>
<p>But for the past 2 summers she has applied to competitive research programs and been rejected repeatedly (at all 8 last summer, w/1 waitlist that didn’t take her, and so far 4 of the 10 or so she applied to this year).</p>
<p>This is not quite as big a deal as college applications, but she’s seeing it as a major blow, and I think it’s a new feeling since she never really went through the college app process like most people. Also it means another very low-paid summer (the internships pay excellently) and scooping ice cream instead of moving forward in her science career. </p>
<p>My point is that there will be rejections someday, and maybe if she’d gotten that experience in her college apps, she’d not only understand this better but also might have applied more aggressively to these programs. Having learned some from experience, she worked harder on the apps this winter than she did last winter, and she’s made more backup plans, but she might end up with nothing again, and that reality hits hard. </p>
<p>We all have to learn these things sometimes, as hard as it is to watch in those you love. Also, this is not a science - in all of these situations, there are too many variables to control, including being over-qualified. So the “it’s their loss” philosophy continues to be apt.</p>
<p><<<for my=“” daughter,=“” a=“” lot=“” of=“” her=“” feelings=“” have=“” to=“” do=“” with=“” the=“” kids=“” in=“” class=“” asking=“” if=“” she=“” got=“” schools=“” or=“” not.=“” peer=“” pressure=“” is=“” horrible!=“”>>></for></p>
<p>Uspoken rule in my D’s group of real friends - no discussion related to academics whatsoever. Her real friends are still her HS buddies, and her HS is placing 100% of graduates to 4 year colleges every year with good percentage going to Ivy / Elite.</p>
<p>Here it goes up in the FB status, is celebrated or mourned…and the kids put up their rejection letters outside the front office like medals of honor. I really like the open approach-- the rejections ARE signs of honor, of brave attempts. Of course there are some obnoxious people but for the most part they share each other’s happiness and disappointment, and root for each other, and comfort each other.</p>
<p>“the rejections ARE signs of honor”</p>
<p>-The rejections are not sighs of honor if we call things their real name, it is wishful thinking. However, good planning should prevent overreaciting to rejections, just need to wait for the next in line. Worked fine for D after she has been accepted to #2. If she did not, then #3 would be evaluated and so forth. Being sad will not solve anything, got to have plan (identifying problem, listing options, assigning priorities, choosing one, feedback, remember all of these? - very helpful). I try to teach D. to apply this approach to all problems, not just choosing college (which by far is not the greatest decision that one ever makes). Sometime it is easier said than done, but nothing else will work.</p>
<p>^^ disagree, but I think I see what you mean. Especially if you are applying to Ivies, you simply cannot guess where how you will do. A rejection from Yale might be a sign of overreaching for some, but for many it will simply be the way things fall out. Not to make that attempt, if you’re interested in that school and are within the range of accepted applicants, would, in my opinion, a mistake. Better to take the risk than avoid it. Now, applying to 20 schools, few of which might accept you…would be dumb. Even so, it’s a far better thing to try and fail, than never to try.</p>
<p>^I am by far NOT against taking risk, I strongly believe, that if you do not, then you probably will never reach your full potential. I am not talking about that, I am talking about haveing cool head on your shoulders and have workable plan that will be applicable no matter what. D. is using the same approach now when stakes are much higher, for Grad. school application. She will take MCAT in 2 months and have a solid plan for Medical School application with action based on her future MCAT score. Yes, dissappointment is natural reaction, but it should not reach the level of major tragedy. Because, I completely agree that “it will simply be the way things fall out” in many occasions. So control what you can, and do not overreact to something that is out of your control.</p>