How do you get over not getting into your top choice?

Applying to College
21

<p>just a parent with some reminders, based on CC "histories."</p>

<p>(1) When the Dream School is no Dream. </p>

<p>I don't remember the title of the thread, but it's a recent thread on Parent Forum or Parent Cafe, probably Forum. MomofWildChild's son (I think) got into dream school recently, an Ivy, and is miserable. I think he's going to transfer. It was a 180 from what said student expected, and expected to feel. I'm certainly not criticizing him or her. It can happen to anyone. It speaks more to the general attitude we have about colleges, that there's only "one special" "one perfect match." It's especially normal to feel this way during adolescence. It is really not terribly different from the way probably all adults (self included) once felt about romantic relationships, when we were, say, college age. When your first True Love ends abruptly, it feels like the end of the world, because there's an illusion of such "perfection" in the match that cannot be duplicated. </p>

<p>But that has to do with initial <em>attraction</em>, not with alternate possibilities. We fixate on the attraction, which becomes an exclusive infatuation.
So this point speaks to the danger aspect, which impairs vision & divergent thinking.</p>

<p>(2) When your Dream School rejects you but life takes you other places.</p>

<p>These CC autobiographies are many. They appear every single year. I'm always thankful when the rejected ones are thoughtful enough to come back to CC the following year & share their story. They go in 2 directions:</p>

<pre><code> (a) Took a gap year. Major self-reflection, major re-do of application, but especially major re-do of college list itself. Time and space to put together great alternatives, great statements of purpose, & have great experiences. Result: Multiple offers the following year. Most recent CC legend is the son of CC parent andi, now at MIT after multiple Ivy rejects the previous year.

(b) Accepted at & matriculated to a match or safety, often smaller than Dream School, with more opportunities. One such poster I believe is in the CC '04 archives. Rejected from Yale EA, I think, she enrolled in Providence College and loved it. I believe she then went on to do graduate work at Yale, I think.
</code></pre>

<p>The point of (b) is that it reinforces what collegebound said above. Inevitably these posters come back here to say that in retrospect, it really seemed like destiny because the path ended up being so positive & so probably <em>better</em> for the student than what the student had assumed.</p>

<p>Same for previous poster frecklybeckly. Rejected from Yale, though brother accepted, which crushed her. I forget whether she's at Kenyon or UMich now, but she immediately began having The Time of Her Life at wherever she ended up, & shared a ton about that, esp. on PF. And when I talk about these Roads Not Taken, it's not as if these posters are just rationalizing & lying to themselves. Nor is it about, "Oh Well, at least I've found some friends." The Time of Your Life is not about socializing & partying. It's that they found great academic opportunities, and the fit ended up being better than anything they imagined previously.</p>

22

<p>i got over it, just think that if they dont want you in their school then they are not good enough to have you. plus realizing that you will probably be happy where ever you go helps.</p>

23

<p>that's when you make the shift from beer to hard liquor...</p>

<p>but really, get over it and move on with life. You can transfer any year or shoot for grad school. Also, you don't even know if Harvard was perfect for you; give Emory a shot...weather's better...</p>

24

<p>Who says it "isn't as good"? It's what you make of it. </p>

<p>I think that a lot of students go to schools because of their perceptions of those schools' status, not because they have chosen a school as offereing them the best place to get a great education (and have really put a lot of time into thinking how they are going to get the most out of where they are going).</p>

<p>Change what you think about the place you are going, and how you approach it. I think that will make you a lot happier than buying into or worrying about other people's notions of prestige.</p>

25

<p>agree with what everyone else said and special thumbs up to PORN. no kidding, it helps.</p>

26

<p>You can't always get what you want
And if you try sometime you find
You get what you need</p>

<p>And btw, 20 years from now no one will care where you went to college.</p>

27

<p>You ask how do you "settle"? The first thing you do is change the way you talk about your life and what you focus on. "Settle" means inferior, right? I understand it can be a bitter disappointment not to get into one of the ultra-prestigious schools, but talking about it with emotionally-charged vocabulary keeps the wound fresh and painful. You can walk around for 4 years (or the rest of your life) reminding yourself the kids that got in were no more deserving than you, that you got the short end of the stick, looking for tricks to help you "accept" your plight bit always talking about it with unhappiness and regret. </p>

<p>Or you can adopt a neutral "here's what I did, here's where I am" description. Eg. "My senior year I applied to a bunch of schools including HYPS, and I got into AB and C". </p>

<p>Coupled with that, and more importantly, you can resolve to make the best of what you have. You do this by asking questions focusing on the present and future such as "How can I best take advantage of my time at Emory?", "What are good ways to get involved socially at Emory?", "How can I use the resources at Emory to prepare for my career in X?", and so on. You do this by plunging with your head and heart into college, getting out there and making friends, taking part in school, working hard in your courses and setting high standards for yourself. </p>

<p>Do these things and you will have a rewarding time at college, and you won't have to be asking how to convince yourself to "settle" for Emory.</p>

<p>BTW a little longer post I made last year on the subject is at <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=167911%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=167911&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>