It seems to me that it’s worth a tour, though I’m not sure I could go the extra step and force an app.
My kid was dead set against “following in my footsteps” as a sophomore, but now as a senior feels intuitively at home there and it is currently #1 on the list.
Have him apply and then if he’s admitted, compel him to go for a student visit overnight. My sister-in-law did that with our nephew. He was very upset but after the overnight, he decided he wanted to attend that particular college.
If this college is a rolling admissions, and an acceptance would be better than many other safeties, then explain that logic to him. Not all, but some colleges lookmfacorably upon alumni status.
We made our son apply to our alma mater. It was in state, affordable, and we figured a safety as we both went there, his grand father went there, and his great-grandfather was a professor there. He had toured, didn’t really like it, but applied. In April of senior year we took another trip to visit after he was accepted and he committed. He starts his sophomore year Tuesday. You never know! I would have never forced him to attend, but the app couldn’t hurt.
In answer to your question, you don’t. S19 has changed almost everything he thought he wanted in his search as we have gone through the process. He is one who has been researching on his own and visiting, as we are nearby colleges on our travels, since freshman year.
This is their journey, not ours. I will advise and ask them to factor in distance and cost but this is the time to let them lead. My alma mater could be a good fit and offer great merit but he has no interest in the school or location.
Three of S19’s top schools are all great choices. Choice #3 makes the most sense on paper but that is not the one that captured his heart. What I love is how he looked on the visit day and how he talks about it now.
Your son will change a lot over the next year. Let it rest and see if a mention in a year is a good idea.
I asked my older son to apply to our alma mater as I thought he’d be better off there than at his safeties. I promised we wouldn’t make him attend if he didn’t like it after visiting He did apply (very reluctantly)as he hadn’t liked it at reunions - well duh! all he saw was people his parents’ age. He ended up getting in, but decided to attend a lesser ranked school that was stronger in his major. When he visited during accepted students weekend liked it much better than he had expected to and waffled about his choice until the last day he had to choose.
My daughter would have been third generation legacy to our alma mater. She’s had swag since she was a baby, made multiple trips, and we just assumed she would apply. She visited again with us between sophomore and junior year we stayed on campus, had a private tour with a student in her attended major. By that point she had seen 8 schools prior so had a really good idea of what she wanted in a school. Our alma mater checked off almost none of her boxes. The inlaws were originally really upset, but once they spoke to our daughter about her reasons, they backed her decision.
I will also say, she wanted to be accepted to school based on her own merit and would always be wondering if she really belonged, or if her legacy status got her in.
I’m with the other posters that the college decision needs to be your son’s. This is his process and journey.
Other than taking my DD to my college reunion when she was 8, I never mentioned my alma mater and bent over backwards not to talk about it even though I could tell from a very early age that she had the personality that would thrive there. We visited it on a tour of other schools when she was a junior and I told her all of the bad things about it. Lo and behold, she decided to apply EA to it, was admitted and is about to start her junior year there. She’s absolutely loved it. She has a very hard head and I am positive that if I had talked it up at all she would have gotten it in her head that she’d never apply.
Back off til the fall of his senior year, and then ask him to submit an application as a parent pick. The more you harp on it now, the more he will dig in.
I guess we took a different tack on this. DH and I went to two different in state public schools, different systems, but same state. DD applied to my alma mater, but was not accepted. We had anticipated that, based on her stats. DS, on the other hand, has the stats, and once he realized that my alma mater had the major (well, specialization) he was interested in, it was the last school added to his list. When his top pick wait listed him, my alma mater moved up his list. I talked about why I had chosen my alma mater, and I told him that he had to come up with his own reason for whichever school he chose. He did just that and will be starting at my alma mater in a few weeks time. I’m happy that he’s found a place that we think will be a good fit. And, it IS a totally different place from when I attended. [i was also very happy that he did NOT end up in the same dorm or complex that I was in.]
You should check whether your alma mater limits the legacy preference to ED applicants. If there’s no preference in the RD round, would you still be pushing for him to apply?
I have a good friend who had this exact problem. She and her husband went to X College and they were absolutely convinced it would be a great fit for their older daughter (about to start senior year). This was NOT about wanting their kid to go to their alma mater just because they loved it. In fact, they don’t think it’s a great fit for their younger daughter, who is about to start junior year. The older daughter started out very anti X College, mostly because it was where mom and dad went.
They talked to her from time to time about why they thought it would be a good fit. And, of course, there was the larger college search process, seeing schools, figuring out what kind of school she wanted. As she realized that College X really did fit what she was looking for, she became more open to the idea of looking at it. She agreed to look at it. She’ll be applying there ED this fall because SHE wants it.
Of course, what worked for my friend won’t necessarily work for you, but in general, I’d suggest the following:
-Try to get him to articulate what the problem is with going to the same school you went to.
-Try to bring him around to the notion that, just as it would be ridiculous and a bad idea to insist that he apply to a school that is a bad fit just because you went there and liked it, it would be an equally bad and ridiculous idea to eliminate a school that’s a good fit, just because you went there. IOW, except for the usefulness of legacy status, the decision of whether or not to look at or apply to a school should have nothing to do with where his parents went.
-Make your goal getting him to look at the school with an open mind. That’s it. Just look at it.
Why make your kid apply to a school that he doesn’t want to attend? Don’t we repeatedly tell kids on this site to love all the schools they apply to, in case they only get into one?
However, if I felt as strongly as you do, I would make him visit the school as a prospective student (and not just to some alumni thing you’re going to). The visit may change his mind, but if it doesn’t, let it go. Just because he’s being stubborn not to give it a try doesn’t mean that you’re not stubborn for making him do so!
“How do you get your child to see that your alma mater would be a good place to apply?”
We went on a tour and the girls were super cute…
He’s just a junior. Teenagers change their minds all the time. I wouldn’t push the issue now. Maybe go for a visit - can you use a football game as an excuse?
I just tried and failed to find it, but there was a thread earlier where a kid was forced by his parents to apply to a certain prestigious school, so just before submitting he changed his personal essay to “please don’t admit me, my parents are forcing me to apply”.
This would seem to be a pretty painless way for a kid to start to assert their own independence and character. I would back off.
Actually, in a vaguely similar situation I did back off. I had a yearning to see my son apply to my alma mater, but for some reason he doesn’t want to go to a woman’s college. I have accepted that he’s not the same person as I am, and the person he is knows the sort of school he wants to go to. He hasn’t made a bad choice on his college list.
When you think of all the ways teenagers act out, not applying to the alma mater is such a small thing. Be happy you have a kid who is smart enough that he is going to go to a good college and smart enough to avoid the other pitfalls of adolescence.
There is another thread about the “Stupidest reasons your kids won’t consider a college”. I would say because my parents are alumni at least makes more sense than I don’t like the color … . I think the aversion is similar to the one many students have about attending their instate flagship. It’s too close, too familiar and the value of it is diminished because of their perceptions. I like the idea of someone recommending it other than the parent. If he could somehow come to the conclusion that it was his idea and not yours his chances of him really considering it will be much greater. You can make him apply, visit and perhaps if you wanted to play financial hardball even blackmail him into attending but without him buying in he (and you) will be miserable.
If our son could’ve gotten accepted to one, THAT would have been his hands-down favorite. The M/F ratio at his college is dismal.
“If our son could’ve gotten accepted to one, THAT would have been his hands-down favorite. The M/F ratio at his college is dismal.”
My youngest son would LOVE to go to a woman’s college. Many of his friends are girls, he’s perfectly comfy being the only guy and has been a little bit of a trendsetter in getting boys to be interested in things that were previously done mostly by girls locally. As a 5th grader, he begged to go to a summer camp at a bakery with one of his closest friends (a girl.) He loved it and the pictures were hilarious - one smiling little guy in the middle of a sea of cute girls. One of his guy friends asked why he wanted to go to camp with a bunch of girls and he was honestly puzzled about why a guy WOULDN"T want to go to camp with a bunch of girls…
Right. he’s probably 16. Most ar that age don’t know yet what’ll make their final list. Nothing wrong with a low
key visit. Maybe you combine that visit with a cpl of lesser schools.
Remember, they grow alot up to junior spring, more over that summer, and more between the start of senior year and 12/31. Views change.
When I visited a college with D1 in Nov of sr year, I was very hesitant to admit how much I liked everything there. I did, gingerly, and was relieved when she said. “Me, too.” It became her clear #1.
Nothing wrong with asking him to visit. It’s not abuse. Lol. But yes, be careful to seem measured in your own input. There’s over a year until app decisions.
You don’t convince them…you plant the seed…and let it grow.
“hey did you know that Alma U is also a rural college with a basketweaving major? Something to check out.”
The seed grows…or it doesn’t.