My apology if this has been asked before. I think I’ve seen it somewhere so if someone could just copy paste the info it’ll be much appreciated.
Currently D is G9, S is G8. We talked about BS, getting ready to apply, portfolio, preparing for SSAT and how nice of an experience it is if they are accepted somewhere. Sometimes I am optimistic listening to their comments but sometimes I feel like they could care less because they’re happy with their current school. Obviously as parent we want and hope we could give them the best. I myself moved away from home at similar age my D will be if she goes in Fall 2022 and I am very thankful my parents had the courage to send me away. I got to see the world, moving from one country to another. If only these children knew!
I tried to think back of what my mind was at 15, I couldn’t. At that age I follow whatever my parents set me up to while my children are conditioned to discuss, ask many questions, debate and argue about all different kinds of things and almost everything. We wanted them to have critical mind but this is kind of boomerang back :))
So when do you know they are ready? How do you come to the conclusion? I wonder if the children that go to BS have certain personalities that set them apart compared to the ones that don’t? Or do they have such an direct, strong drive that make us say yes they’re ready.
I second @Publisher’s comment. If we had had a truly strong LPS option that our son was happy with, boarding school never would have been an option. However, we knew he was “ready” when he asked if we would be open to considering BS for high school. He had been poking around on the Internet for better high school options and had come across boardingschoolreview.com which led him to school websites. What he saw excited him. We went from there. Eventually, we told him if he could get in he could go. He never looked back.
We know what you mean, but none of us sent our kids away; we allowed them to go. It’s an important distinction on this board, but hard on us no matter how you phrase it.
I agree with all of these comments. We have an academically decent LPS, but my DD was looking for something more, a deeper community connection, a more diverse and engaged group of peers, and a different teaching style, among other things. It was her idea. My son on the other hand is not interested in BS and is starting 9th at the LPS. DD is trying to talk him into applying to her BS but so far, he says no.
My younger one did a summer program at a boarding school while in middle school and announced he wanted to go to BS for high school. That’s the same path I took 40 years ago!
As we are dependent on visa for our current stay, I sometimes worry if we get caught in a situation where we have to leave and the children have nowhere to go. Next Fall they will be G10 dan 9 which I assume is an important point to the next leg up. It will be even harder if we were to move on higher grade. I always like to over prepare, from reading I conclude that going to BS requires more preparation than regular LPS.
Beside this, I’d like to know the characteristics of children who are ready to leave home. My children are quite independent on time management and both are in honor roll. I am however nudging them to do more clubs and volunteering work. Sometimes I think they’re quite ready to explore the world but sometimes I can see how immature they are and it’s making me unsure. I feel that they’re still an “ongoing work”
Circumstances often make boarding school the most logical choice.
Many schools terminate at grade 8 requiring students to find a new school to attend for high school. If the commute is too long & stressful to any new school, then boarding school becomes an alternative to investigate.
Sometimes parents work or are stationed in dangerous locations abroad.
Sometimes parents work schedules involve frequent overnight travel and long hours that make daily parenting challenging.
Some kids just need to be in a school environment that can match their drive & intellgence.
Boarding schools understand very well that young teens are unfinished works and do not expect them to be or act like mature adults. What they are looking for, instead, is independence, curiosity, kindness, and the ability to contribute in various ways to their unique communities while successfully handling a rigorous academic load. Every student admitted to boarding school is an imperfect work in progress, but each has demonstrated in some way that s/he can:
Adjust to being away from home
Handle the level of academics at that school
Self-advocate when necessary
Rise above failures
Be a shiny thread in the fabric of that community (where each BS community fabric is different, so finding fit is important)
If you feel your child can demonstrate these things, then proceed to @CarnegieDad’s list above.
@ChoatieMom Ahh, thanks! It does make me feel better. We watch some of the promotional materials and I felt like yikes my kiddos don’t look as mature or as confident as those kids. I know in the end it is us families who need to weigh their readiness, I guess I’m looking for confirmation that other families are feeling the same about their children. I see your point about rise above failures and self advocate, those are things we also encourage ours to do.
As I was walking to work this morning, I thought to myself we only have about 4.5 months, I wonder if we can make this happen, there’s still so much work to do and the logistics to us is going to be somewhat complicated.
Have faith in yourself and the kiddos. 4.5 months is more than enough and many folks have done it within much less time. When we decided to go with BS, we had the campus tours/interviews in October, did additional research in November, wrote the essays and submitted our packages in December. It all worked out just fine.
Most schools use common application systems like SAO and Gateway, so you will only type your info twice and not for every school you apply to. Very few schools require essays specific to them (Groton, SPS and Deerfield come to mind), so the amount of work really isn’t that much. Better yet, this will be a great practice for college applications!
It is interesting that you mentioned the maturity of kids featured in the promo videos/websites. IMHO, it was only natural for the admin office to pick the most presentable ones.
Full disclosure - I did not think I was ready when my dad pushed me to attend BS years ago. I was doing very well academically at a prestigious private school near our home, but all we did was study. My dad thought I should leave for BS to be challenged on all fronts, especially from a social and diversity perspective. Boy, was he right. While I struggled during the first 2-3 months in BS, I gradually adjusted myself and blended in just fine. I made amazing friends that I still hang out with today. I picked up new sports. I attended small, thought-provoking classes. I learned to present my own views effectively and engage in friendly debate. Those would not have been possible at my local school because the focus and student/faculty ratio were quite different.
Having said that, BS are not for everyone. You really need to visit them to get a feel. Finally, as I mentioned earlier, leave the ultimate decision to your kids. They are the ones going to school, not us.
Your experience sounds wonderful, it is the kind I imagine and hope we could give our kids. I wouldn’t be where I am if I had stay home. Being away thought me many different ways of independence and open my eyes to the opportunity I never thought was possible. I’m not saying it is bad to stay home, I only want to point out how I really grow by not being next to parents. I know along the way there are many pitfalls as well, one example was emotion/feeling as I felt so alone on foreign places. I hope when it comes to the time we will be able to guide our kids.
I’ve been reading CC, the information is so valuable. Thank you to you all for your time, wisdom and guidance, there’s so much to learn. We never stop learning and I’m glad I found this site.
You could also consider, based on where your kids are as students, socially, and emotionally, which types of BS would be best for them. Some are smaller, less competitive, more nurturing, more structured, etc. than others. For a kid who wants or needs those traits, there’s a school. For kids looking for something else, there are other schools.
I think most kids would be fine at the right school for them if they take some initiative. But fit matters!
A year before kiddo applied to BS, we were driving to a golf tournament and saw a bumper sticker that read as follows: If a woman’s place is in the home, then why am I always in this d… car?
If your kid does multiple sports, is a strong student that needs greater educational/academic opportunities than your local school can offer, athletic competition beyond their hometown, maybe juggling performing arts in their along with sports & MUN, and you are tired of spending 4 hours a day in the car (like I was)….YOU might be ready for boarding school, as well as your kid.
I’ve made a list but all I can do is looking at website because at the moment traveling is still rather impossible where we are. I’m spending 2-3 hours daily and sharing with kiddos on dining table. They’re practicing SSAT, doing well on math but terrible on reading and verbal. Yikes!
DD is more social, more open yet more emotional, expect more attachment with friends, talkative, articulated, argumentative(sometimes funny sometimes annoying and tiring to answer). Academically, less accomplished compared to DS but is quite competitive and has goals in her mind although always looking for short cut so she doesn’t have to work too hard or too long.
Aside from academics(I’m not worry about this part), DS has soft heart, prefer teamwork to individual competition, not overly talkative but able to write amazing essays, has vast knowledge both in literature and current news, his knowledge amazes me for a 12.5 year old. Good study ethics, interested in picking apart computers and iphones(always watching youtube tutorial and reviews). Showed interest in finance at such young age too while DD just spend as she wishes
They both are socially and emotionally ok but I wouldn’t say 100% mature. They still need our encouragement and guidance at times. DD is more open, DS doesn’t talk much about his friends and is more private I feel.
In my mind I hope to find a not overly competitive school as I’m sure they all are as rigorous. I’d prefer an environment where they are happy especially since we’re far.
Chiming in here…as others have said, there are are myriad of reasons for choosing BS and it’s not always because the child is asking to go. And I would guess, that despite how confident a family or child may be in his/her readiness for boardings school, no 14 (or 15 or 16) year old is truly ready. BS are built for this growth, especially the ones that don’t take the sink or swim approach. I can now say this confidently with kiddo1’s first year under her belt.
We chose/choose BS because we don’t have great local options. So it has been our choice, not our kiddos’ choice. It turns out, Kiddo1 was not ready. She was mature, she was smart, she was excited for challenging courses, but she struggled. A lot. She’d call asking how to use the laundry machine (despite having her do her laundry the previous summer), and how to place an online order with her credit card, and how to talk to the head of her extra curricular when he said there wasn’t room for her, and the list goes on. But now, in her second year, the calls are less about “how do I do this” and more about "this happened and this is how I approached/fixed it ". This week, she called frantically because she’s run out of contact lenses. We have been trying to get her to wear contact lenses for years, and she’s been reluctant, so she only has that one trial pack. She was finally ready to wear them, and woke up early every morning to put them in and figured it out on her own.
Every day, these kids are learning how to do things on their own. And your kids, however ready they are, or not, will figure it out too. It’s pretty incredible to watch the transformation.
I would add that realistically speaking the conversation often begins even sooner…13 or even 12 years old. That can be a scary prospect for kids who don’t come from a BS family and haven’t been hearing about it (or even visiting) all their lives.
