Are there certain types of students who would be better suited?
Are there types who definitely would be better off NOT going off to boarding school?
For a very academically rigorous boarding school, I would say the most critical trait is Good Time Management.
Without it even the most brilliant kid will struggle.
But that is a skill that is generally learned at boarding school…
Agreed. You will need it at BS, but many/most new students don’t have it (at least to the degree needed) before they arrive.
Time management is definitely a skill that boarding school will help with, not one you have to have mastered before entering.
I think a student who has a lot of interests and likes to be busy is a great candidate for boarding school. I also think an independent streak is helpful.
The kind of kid who thrives at sleepaway camp …
When we first started thinking about boarding school for our son, in 6th and 7th grade, we absolutely said no. We thought, like you, a student would have to be an already skilled student. Be responsible, have incredible executive skills. Then after doing researching it clicked that boarding school would give him the chance to form those skills. As smart as he is, my son is the kind of kid that would forget his head if it wasn’t attached to his body. If he stayed home with us for high school, I would have continually saved him - remind of that test or that paper that’s due. We knew that we’re parents who will hover and save when he needs it. In boarding school, he’ll be forced to advocate for himself, learn to manage his time, learn to get himself together. There will be MANY missteps to come next year when he starts, but I believe he’ll gain so much in the long run. As long as your child is willing to go to boarding school, and is open to the experience, he/she will benefit from attending a boarding school.
Just to point out that most 12 and 13 year-olds, even the ones on this site (who all seem atypical anyway) have yet to develop these skills. Somehow, they still manage to get through the day and can do well at BS and beyond.
Our opinions are shaped by our experiences, right? My experience is that my "normally " disorganized 13 year old boy crumpled in a HADES boarding school. We figured out why he was struggling – ADHD that could cope with middle school, but not a rigorous boarding school. Ahead of time we couldn’t have predicted this. (The story had a happy ending btw).
Another son with ADHD went to a less rigorous school and thrived. The third son does not have ADHD and has extremely strong time management skills, and is doing really well at that same HADES school as the first.
You know your child; but to me, the key to success at a rigorous boarding school (rigorous, not every boarding school) is time management, not intelligence.
My kid is not there yet, and I admit I worry about it because I feel that it could be really amazing experience or it could be a big mistake. I am not sure boarding school is any more or less demanding in terms of time management than competitive city high school, in theory boarding school should be easier since you get back a couple hours of commuting time a day (to/from school plus to/from after school activities) plus there is structure with study time built in every day. You definitely have more time to do things, and someone other than mom/dad is in charge which can be positive during teen years too. Then again you are not there to keep an eye on things and jump in should problems arise…
@417WHB A majority of boarding schools require students to do afternoon activities or participate in sports or the arts. This can take up a seven amount of time and if you are playing a sport, you could be traveling apt to oaky at other schools. Oftentimes, students won’t even start their homework until 8-9 pm when they get back to the dorm. Free periods are a good way to make use of extra time during the day. I am 100% busier at boarding school than I ever was at home, and my time management skills have greatly improved because of it, but your child will be kept busy.
I think that although there is a BS for nearly any kid, kids who thrive with a lot of structure will do well in the environment. I heard from one parent last year whose son had come as a repeat sophomore that he struggled the most with the structure and rules. I think BSs are generally similar in this regard, but the amount of free time and choices (are 3 sports required? Is chapel required?) may be something to consider.
Agree with @cababe97 — odds are, your kid will be kept VERY busy. At most schools, there is not a lot of unscheduled time. One of the things my kids loves about college is no longer having an unrelenting daily schedule between wake-up and lights out. She also had Saturday sports and classes at BS, so most of Sunday was usually devoted to schoolwork as well. For many kids, college is kind of a relief after 4 years at a rigorous BS!
I think as long as your child really understands what it entails, really wants to go and can emotionally handle being away from home, there is a school for any student. You just have to go out and find it.
Students that won’t do well are the ones that don’t want to be there.
If your child is excited about living with peers and about filling his time with the activities a BS offers, you are off to a good start. This tends to be a much gentler transition to independence than most people think. There are a lot of adults around to supervise and lots of activities that are organized.
Even though kids are on their own, they are rarely far from the eyes of an adult, and as adults who care! Most schools relax some of the structure over the 4 years, so a freshman may be assigned to a study hall in the evening but an upperclassman may not, so your kid doesn’t have to have it all figured out at the beginning.
I couldn’t agree more with @CTMom21, though, that the fit is really important. Schools vary enormously - and deliberately- in their approaches on many things. Some do a lot of "social engineering ", some have a lot of structure around time (especially study), and most have a “vibe” that is uniquely their own. I think what is really important is figuring out what environment would be most beneficial and comfortable for your child. Think about we here they will be comfortable now and where they’ll have room to grow.
It cannot be emphasized enough that you should do your research. There are probably way more excellent BS out there than most people have heard of, if part because by design, most are relatively small. But there are probably several that will serve your child well.
You are doing this right, btw, in thinking about this in the context of who your kid is, not who he needs to be to go to xyz school.
I play three sports and I am heavily involved in student activities. The problem I was finding was all the time I lost to driving back and forth from school and with two working parents, I wasn’t able to participate in as many practices, events and training sessions as other kids. BS has everything for me in one place.
If your kid is mature enough to handle living on their own, really needs an academically challenging environment, wants to be around classmates who want more out of their classroom experience and has exceptional time-management skills, I can’t think of a better place than boarding school.
As a follow up, is the child who typically asks to attend boarding school, or is usually parent-driven?
Should I wait until my child expresses interest (assumes knowledge that it is an option to consider)?
The last part of that significant. Some kids are so wrapped up in their day-to-day activities that they may not even be aware that something like BS is an option, especially where generous FA might be available for the right kid/family.
In our situation, boarding school became a consideration when son’s Catholic school terminated after completion of the 8th grade.
When examining our options, commute time became a significant factor.
Also we did not want son to be entering an environment where his test scores & academic performance indicated that he would be among the top 5% or 10%
Whether the student is an only child can also be a significant factor for some families.
P.S. An important factor to consider is the effect placing one’s child in boarding school will have upon the parents. Loss of friendships made with classmates’ parents & loss of social & athletic events for parents to attend.
@FreeRangeParent , it can go both ways. There are definitely kids who bring it up seemingly out of the blue. There are kids in environments where BS is a common option. I think it’s reasonable, if you are interested as a parent, to talk to your child about it and hear what they think.
Some do open houses - this has become more common. If there is one at a school you are considering, it’s a very easy way to window shop.