<p>I think it's important to have a good safety school in the mix - a school that your child would fit in at and be happy to go to. My daughter has several very bright friends who only got into their safety school and are not looking forward to attending.</p>
<p>My S was just like Binx' - we thought the bases were well covered, but ended up at the last minute choosing between two places where he was pretty sure he would be quite happy. I finally said, if it's TRULY so close you can't decide, then go to the one with the slightly better scholarship offer.
He then, of course, chose the other one :)</p>
<p>Enjoying all the wisdom above. You've attracted some great advisors!
Knowing your child (sounds smart!) and yourself (organized, oh how I wish...),
I echo the sentiment: know your child because that's who you'll be sending to one of these great schools.</p>
<p>My 3 represent different personalities, and without going into detail per child, since you want to know how to avoid late-stage indecision, I'll focus on that.</p>
<p>Eldest S: Fabulous all-around student achiever and kind soul; the most logical systems thinker of the 3 but who didn't do well tapping into his own emotions (has gotten better at that). We began by asking him to place himself in the midst of the broad-sweep decisions: large v. small, urban v. rural. For example, re: small v. large, we always asked him to ask himself, "how would YOU learn best and which picture excites you more: being able to choose a course from an Alan Dershowitz (we're fans) who'd lecture brilliantly and unforgettably but in front of many, or be sitting among 20 others with a professor of lesser fame, but asking/answering throughout in a very participatory "Socratic method" teaching seminar. He knew enough about his h.s. learning style to project forward in his imagination. We were working towards "rightness of fit" but starting with the child outward to the schools.</p>
<p>Middle D: Very intuitive and knew her first-choice from the feel of it; it was the last place we visited of 8 campuses. She got in ED; what a happy senior year! "Only apply ED if you're sure it's your first choice" is wisdom I subscribe to, although some also use ED to improve their chances for a reach school, which I can understand fully.
D had the added wrinkle of "coed" v. "all-women." The best advice to help her break that indecision came from an older student she knew (from a summer program) on the all-women's campus she visited: "Think about who your friends are in h.s. If they're all women now, you won't miss men on campus, but if your close friendship circle is now boys and girls, you will miss
having men around and will have to deal with that issue in an all-women's college." So, more power to asking kids a few years older. They're quite wise.
When we visited, if possible I stayed at a motel overnight while she stayed on campus overnight. This wasn't always possible, depends on the college. </p>
<p>Youngest S: Focussed passionately on one MAJOR not the college, and has the social confidence to handle large, small, urban or rural as long as he's learning the major. He actually began his process with Calmom's wisdom of going over the course catalogues with a fine-toothed comb, reading about courses and faculty biographies intensively, before we even knew much about how green was each campus, because he just doesn't CARE about that. And we concurred with his perception about himself; he really CAN be happy in many kinds of environments, we've seen him do it. </p>
<p>For the first two, since we live in the Northeast and their academic interests
were within the liberal arts majors, we said we wouldn't support any applications west of the Mississippi. We felt anything they wanted was available within a "reasonable distance" (to us, within 8 hour drive or affordable plane trip). For the youngest, when we saw his focus on the major (related to film) we allowed him to also apply in California because there was a reason to send him far for a specialty major. On this, I compared flight costs, not map miles, and realized that even California was do-able.</p>
<p>Money was/is always of issue here, so if you have ease on that, count your blessings! We set out understandings ahead of time, and in one case particularly the disappointing money awarded ruled out one school but it was no heartache because we all knew that could happen, and others did better by us financially. By always seeing each college for its pros-and-cons, that helped when the money didn't work out on one favored college, since we don't really believe in "dream schools" but see them more as "more pros than con" schools. Nothing and nobody is perfect. </p>
<p>I'll add this: we parents grew in our understandings of our kids, in addition to
taking many pleasant trips and staying in silly motels. Except for that last kid; he's never set foot on the California campus he'll attend, did it all by websites, like a mail-order bride. I'd rather have pre-visited but it was impossible. If you can visit, do.</p>
<p>Paying3tuitions's post is a super example of "know your child" and as a result helping your child to know him/herself. The whole process is driven by the child's personality, maturity and needs, governed by finances.</p>
<p>I applied to ten schools because I was competitive at every school in the country but a sure bet at none (there's no such thing as a safety school for an international financial aid applicant). I was accepted at four, waitlisted at four, and rejected by two. I was less-than-gracious in handling the rejection from my "dream" school--and by that I mean I cried and railed and was generally maudlin and insufferable for the next 48 hours--but the decision itself was fairly straightforward.</p>
<ul>
<li>small urban coed liberal arts college in Minnesota ($25,800 grant)</li>
<li>small suburban women's college in Massachusetts ($2,900 grant -- not a typo!)</li>
<li>smaller suburban women's college in Pennsylvania ($21,000 grant)</li>
<li>smallish rural Ivy in New Hampshire ($25,200 grant)</li>
</ul>
<p>Sometime between December and April I'd started to panic about having applied almost exclusively to small liberal arts colleges; I'd outgrown my tiny high school and didn't want to make the same mistake in college. I'd known all along that I would choose a coed school over a women's college barring any significant differences in academic quality. I wanted to leave the Mid-Atlantic area, ideally for New England. I preferred(!) a rural environment to a suburban or urban one. The difference in financial aid between the most generous and "second best" was negligible. I ordered the sweater online on April 2.</p>
<p>Once I recovered from the "dream school" debacle, it was a very easy decision. :)</p>
<p>^By the way, I think I deserve some credit for not mentioning "the P word" (prestige) once in that entire post. :p</p>
<p>I have a S who decided at the very last minute. He had narrowed it down to three great choices, but they were all very different. His ultimate choice was initially his number 2 choice and he was rejected by his dream school, so it seemed logical that he would go with #2. But, he felt strongly about giving his other options a fair chance and he just couldn't bring himself to make the call until the very last minute. He is a procrastinator by nature, so that didn't help. </p>
<p>Some kids take this decision very seriously and it weighs heavily on their minds. Certainly true with mine. He struggled and imagined and dreamed. If the postmark deadline hadn't been looming in 24 hours, he'd still be struggling with it. He's undecided about his major and he was undecided about which school to attend---just so many question marks for him. </p>
<p>Of his final three choices, he couldn't make a wrong choice because they were all excellent schools. But they were very different--the quintessential college town, a great major city and a small LAC in the middle of nowhere. </p>
<p>I don't think a teenage kid can make the decision based upon location. If he'd made his mind up early on that he wanted a city, this LAC would have been off the list before he even started. They simply can't be sure until they go there--sometimes visit more than once and always with students buzzing around. Their initial preferences are very often not where they end up. </p>
<p>The overnight visit made a big difference for him and he probably should have done overnights at more schools. He is a thinker and the disappointment of being rejected from his dream school early on hurt his feelings to the bone. Think he was a bit 'burned' even though he knew the dream school would be a long-shot, at best. He knew he was qualified, but the competition is so stiff! </p>
<p>I compared it to how I feel about not marrying my first love. I'm SO much happier now than I would've been had I married him at age 20! Must admit there is a bit of the 'what if' syndrome with S. Think most adults feel that way about their first love, too!!</p>
<p>He grew and matured on a daily basis and is glad he went through the whole process, even if it nearly drove his parents nuts!! He figured it out and I know it was the right choice for him. </p>
<p>Best of luck to those of you just starting the process. Read. Read. Read. Be prepared for disappointment and tears. MOst of us have to deal with that before the deposit check is mailed!</p>
<p>On reflection, I think the problem is setting your heart on an "ivy" or its equivalent-some school that has so many qualified applicants applying that it's a crapshoot. If you look at those schools as "lottery schools" and pick one or two for fun, then focus your effort on finding a real alternative to your state schools you can reduce your application list to less than 10, and then the whole decision process gets a lot easier.</p>
<p>
Er, hate to break the news, but it is really easy to guess the schools in question from the clues provided above. ;)</p>
<p>Also, no extra points for not mentioning the "P" word when you did manage to inject the "I" word. ;)</p>
<p>But it is very clear why the $2,900 grant knocked school #2 out of the running.</p>
<p>I think in the end, what helped my son most in deciding, other than the re-visits (and they felt ESSENTIAL) was focusing on personal fit. He only applied to schools of high academic quality with student bodies described as quirky, dorky, weird, etc., so it was a matter of fine tuning. Which brand of quikiness best matched his own? Which students seemed the most intellectually curious and enthusiastic? He seemed to totally ignore ranking, name recognition, prestige, selectivity, etc. and just focused on fit. He happened to choose the only school (of his favorite 6) that offered significant merit aid (we told him to disregard this factor). Location was not an issues for him--he had finalists in tiny midwest towns, suburban Philly, western city, etc. It was only and completely about intellectual and social fit. I came out of this experience with a great admiration for the integrity of his process. </p>
<p>Agree with Carolyn about the duct tape. Parental preferences (with the exception of financial parameters) are not that helpful, imo. I wouldn't pick a life partner for my son and I wouldn't pick a college either. I DID have preferences, of course, but I tried not to share them with him.</p>
<p>calmom, I wasn't trying to be secretive, only descriptive (since we were discussing choosing between schools with very different characteristics). You're right that I could have written "university" instead of "Ivy," though.</p>
<p>I've said elsewhere that the reputation of the school only mattered to the extent that prestige and academic excellence tend to correlate; going to a "name" school was never a priority for me (I didn't apply to Harvard, Yale, or Stanford). I guess I do feel pressured to justify my decision to attend an Ivy sometimes because people--including my university counselor at school, who should know better--tend to assume that I chose it because it's the most "prestigious" college I got into, as opposed to "fit" or any of the other reasons I listed.</p>
<p>My D applied to a variety of schools in a variety of locations. Applications are due relatively early senior year, and a lot of personal growth & change takes place over the several months between applying & choosing. During those months, D read online student journals, read online student newspapers, perused websites over & over, visited overnight, attended classes, and thought long & hard about what she wanted & where she fit in. When push came to shove, she had 2 very good, very different schools as top choices. We visited both again, and she looked at things with her now-18-year-old point of view (she was "only 17" when she last visited, after all!). It was hard for her to decide ... especially since one was very prestigious ... don't underestimate the lure of having everyone recognize the reputation of the school when you tell them where you might attend! In the end, just a couple days before the deadline, she chose the less prestigious school. Why? It simply was the best fit for her. And only she could decide!</p>
<p>Even with lots of thoughtful research, analysis, and consideration ... the decision was filled with stress. She would have been perfectly happy & done very well at either school, so the final decision would have been great no matter what (so would the other 6 choices she had). If your child puts together a good array of school choices, s/he can't go wrong.</p>
<p>My S should be much easier ... he just wants an academically competitive school with easy access to snowboarding!!</p>