With our son the best he can expect from his first choice is full tuition. It would cost more than he has
in his college account, but it’s doable. Another place he’s applying would be guaranteed tuition +room. He liked it well enough, but it’s in a small college town and he wants to be in a large city. The difference would be around 50k over 4 years. If he chose college 2, he would have lots of money left in his account after paying for board and travel. It’s his choice as long as we can afford either.
@MostlyDolores
if the schools are reasonably close in terms of quality and the opportunities she will receive, and if she’s fine going to any of them, then just tell her to go to the least expensive one.
is a nebulous feeling about which might be the “best fit” REALLY worth $40K?
it sounds like you know the right decision and for some reason are second guessing yourself and talking yourself out of it. you should not feel guilty for choosing what is clearly the wisest and most financially prudent decision.
@mstomper
for $50K I would learn to enjoy a small town for 4 years. that is a pantload of cash. if he wants to go to grad school, that money would come in handy.
@Wien2NC , I actually misspoke (mistyped?). The difference is actually 30k, 50k vs. 20k or less. Still pretty significant, though.
My kids went to their flagship with large merit awards. However, it wasn’t their cheapest choice. They could have chosen schools that had offered even more.
The school they went to was a better fit than the two other schools that offered larger awards.
Only you can determine “how much more” you’re willing to spend. If a difference of $40k total is too much, then maybe a school that is only $20k more would be acceptable?
OP: It sounds to me like you made a promise and are trying to back out of it.
I would honor my child’s choice within the original financial parameters I set. I don’t think you should force your child to choose the cheapest school merely because it’s the cheapest. If that was your feeling, it should have been made clear from the outset, i.e. “You will go to the cheapest school you get into.” If your financial situation makes this a necessity, so be it. Otherwise, there will be some (justified) resentment.
40K over 4 years: what does it mean to you? If it means no vacations, dinners out, home renovations, or new cars, I would allow the child to choose the school without regard to cost. That’s just me. If it’s a matter of hardship, basic financial security, raiding retirement savings, or depriving other children of college funds, I would enforce the cheapest choice, but it seems that the wiggle room is what’s providing the room for doubt.
Did you previously tell her that she could choose any within-budget school? If so, was the budget realistic in that it would not endanger your household finances, including retirement savings, college money for any other kids, etc.?
You should let your daughter make the decision and not have her feel she has to go with the least expensive. Last year my kid was thinking he should go with the least expensive. When the aid packages came in, his favorite was not the cheapest. We told him not to decide based on $5k. On his own, he wrote to the FA office of #1 school and they revised his aid. He not only got his 1st choice, he got a better aid package and started wearing their clothing the next day.
@Pentaprism At the rate your D is going, that money will be used for her retirement! Congratulations.
We faced a similar dilemma. DD was National Merit Finalist, which meant full tuition, room, and board at schools like New Mexico (close to us) and Kentucky ( very good state school.)
She hated all that. Too big. Too urban. Too much concrete
So we looked at schools that were smaller, grassier, prettier, where we’d have to pay room and board. And that’s what we chose, at a difference of roughly $12K
(I’m a sucky storyteller because we ended up not doing quite that, as you’ll know if you stalk my reply history. BUT it came very close, and I stand by our initial decision. Full tuition was a better deal than full ride because she liked the full tuition school better-- and because 12K was doable – though 15K would not have been)
@WasatchWriter Is she happy with her school? That is what my kid and I talked about. Whether any of his friends and new classmates had any buyer’s remorse. Not a single one. One HS friend is unhappy he didn’t get into a particular school, but is working real hard at his local UT so he can transfer to a different school next year. My kid loves his school, his dorm, the city, even the weather so far. He made the right choice. He would not have been happy on a campus in the country, even a spectacular ivy-league campus.
My Dad reneged on paying for school after I had applied and had my admits. I was the oldest of five kids, he could afford to pay but said he was concerned about the cost for all five of us. So at the 11th hour he decided he wouldn’t pay anything. I said no to the ivy and yes to our flagship state school.
I had a great experience at our state school, never said a word to my father about it but 30 years later still harbor some resentment that he handled it so poorly. I wonder if your child will feel the same way if you force a similar decision on her.
For us, we gave our kids a budget and let them do the choosing. Any leftover money can be used for grad school. My oldest chose a middle of the pack (in terms of cost) and my middle child chose by far the most expensive but it was the only school he liked after visiting 15-20 choices.
We took a similar approach with our daughter last year. My husband said at the beginning that by the end the decision will likely make itself. It was shifting sands all year as acceptances and merit offers came in. She chose the cheapest option, but that is because it was a match school academically but a reach financially without the largest scholarship they offer. At the 11th hour she got that offer and hasn’t looked back. She is very happy. You won’t know what your true choices are until you have the real numbers in front of you.
We had our budget and our daughter knew if a school went over it, she would be taking out loans. She was not going to be a kid who would get full tuition scholarships. She applied to a couple less expensive public schools and a handful of private schools. She was in the top 25% at all of the schools. In some cases she was in their top 10% - those schools gave her the most money. Because she had a strong preference for one of the privates she worked really hard when she competed for their largest scholarship - and she got it. She was also fortunate enough to get a renewable scholarship from a local endowment that would take off $5K every year. In the end, the school she most wanted to attend came in about $7000 under our budget. Most of the other privates she applied to were at the top of our budget and one was way beyond what we could pay and student loans wouldn’t have covered the difference. We could have bugged her to attend the cheapest school and had it cost about $9000 less per year than what we are paying, but it was much larger and very different from the types of schools she was drawn to. I don’t think the odds of graduating in four years would have been all that great either. We feel like the school she is attending is a good value. She is doing well in her classes and is so happy. I feel like this is one of the best things we’ve spent our money on.
Best fit and value trump everything else considering the two colleges are not only affordable, but within the budget you set early on - since your child followed your rules regarding budget, you can’t pull the rug on her now and say "oh well, too bad you applied to two cheaper options that aren’t as good as the others, they’re cheaper ".
(I take from your OP that you haven’t had any new circumstances since you set the budget such as losing a job. This would be a different situation and my response would be different.)
Honestly, in all cases, it’s important to think of value - for college as for everything, cheapest isn’t always the best value.
Alternatively, if you had the money to buy your child a basic Honda Civic, would you buy a 1993 clunker just because it’s cheaper, even if it’s likely to break down on the way to your children’s destination?
With my oldest, there were two tiers (after scholarships)…20-30K and 40-45K.
We told her she could pick from any of the 20-30k with 20Kish being our state U and 30K being where she ended up.
Your kid won’t forget if you change the deal you offered esrlier. I have been out of college for 30 years, and still resent unequal treatment in paying for college from my parents. I never say so to them, but it festers.
We also set a budget early on. We have decided that the expectation is not for son to choose school based only on cost, it should be a huge consideration, and he is good with that . Good luck. It’s a very hard decision. Our biggest question to him was what school do you see yourself living at for four to five years?
So much of it depends on your daughter’s post-grad plans. In some fields, just about any good university will prepare your daughter for a career/grad school. But that is not so much the case with other majors/goals.
Looking back on it, our family’s decision to pay about $15K more per year to send DD to her school paid off in spades. The school was located in a major metropolitan area where opportunities for internships were vastly greater than the cheaper instate alternative. By the time she graduated she had lab research experience which helped her get into a prestigious master’s program. Which helped her get a well paying job in a competitive field. I doubt any of this would have happened had she stayed closer to home.
OTOH, I know a young man who chose the cheapest option - an instate school ranked much lower than other schools that accepted him. (He was following his girlfriend.) But he was an engineering major, a top student and someone who knew how to maximize his opportunities. In his case, the choice of schools did not limit his options at all. He graduated debt-free, with interesting internships (one of them at NASA), job offers – and engaged to above-mentioned girlfriend.