@MostlyDolores - there was a significant gap between costs for schools for D (to us at least). Her cheapest options would have meant we would come out ahead financially - after using 529 money, college would have cost less than we were paying for Catholic high school. She had one option that was way outside budget, so that was off the table. Her top school was right at the top of the budget we set.
H was fine with it - but I’m the pragmatist. I’ll admit I struggled for a while, and we had a lot of talks about the extras (spring break trips, car) and so on that would be available if she chose a cheaper option. Ultimately I saw how perfect a fit this school was for her. She is taking a small amount of loans each year. We haven’t told her but we plan to pay those off after she graduates, as she has achieved so much in college and deserves it.
Like others have said, to me it was like when I bought my car - wasn’t going to spring for the Lexus, even though I longed for one, but also didn’t feel that cheaper options would be as durable or cost-effective long-term, so I spent the money on the Toyota. 8 years later I don’t regret that decision - and I can’t see ever regretting helping D go to the school she fell in love with.
My eldest son narrowed his college choices to two - a state school paying full tuition and a private which would be approximately $12,000 more a year. He didn’t know which one to attend. My response was to ask him if liked school #2 $48,000 more than school one. He ended up going to the state school (and graduated in four years without debt.) However, when he hit a rough patch at school 1, I always wondered if I unconsciously or unfairly “pushed” him toward school 1 because of the money difference. I did ask him if he had any regrets choosing his university in a conversation we had a year or so after his graduation and he said no. I was glad, however, keep in mind that many students second guess their decision sometime in the four years as most have ups and downs during their academic careers (it is, after all, lots of hard work, tests, and challenges). Sometimes the grass does look greener on the other side because you are not there to look closely at it.
If your child picks the more expensive school, will they make the best of it? Or are they solid in school but don’t reach out to do extra research/interships/etc.
What if they lose their scholarship?
What if they want to change majors? Is the school strong in many majors or just the one of interest?
But wouldn’t you want your child to make the best of any college they picked, regardless of cost? I mean, my child picked one of the lesser expensive choices but I still expect her to make the best of it. I want her to reach out to pursue research/internships/etc. I still worry what if she loses her scholarship (maybe more so). I’m hearing about slight changes in her interests portending possibly a change in her major. Just because I’m paying less than $20,000 doesn’t mean those issues are less important than if I’m paying $30,000.
Now, if she had applied to an in-state public and we were “only” paying about $10,000…nah, I’d still want her to make the best of that college experience.
First, our D. has attended the least expensive (for her) college - tuition free.
However, if the best fit was only $40k more in total than the others, we would not think twice. Basically $40k this days is a price of reasonably good car. We would settle to skip buying a next car, just as simple as that. We paid about that much for her private HS. On the other hand, our financial help for her Med. School would be less…
Anyway, you are the only one to decide, nobody in a world can tell which way to go.
When u go on vacation, do u choose the cheapest hotel room possible? Or do u WEIGH VALUE in terms of access to sights, security, comfort level, ambience and the objectives of the fellow guests?
U can get a cheap stay if u pick a ‘capsule’ hotel or a ‘rent-by-the-hour’ room.
Neither of my kids went to the least expensive school. They both chose where they wanted to go, considering money as part of the equation, with some influence from us. One recognized he would have to take out some loans to go where he wanted to go.
This wasn’t part of your question, but I do suggest you carefully consider the requirements for any merit money. My son would have likely lost his scholarship if there was a GPA requirement for keeping it (That situation was not expected for my very high stats HS student).
@bopper, another angle is whether your kid does better when pushed harder. For my kid that will take advantage of every opportunity, the less expensive option worked well. She squeezed out all the juice her college had to give. Other kid has huge talent, but does better when pushed harder by peers and profs. She picked the more expensive school, which is a great fit for her.
Maybe $10k/year is something OP needs to think about. Not everyone can afford to drop $40k on a car, so there’s not necessarily a car purchase or the like she can delay.
Sometimes GPA requirements to maintain a scholarship are a good motivator. As @intparent suggests, a LOT depends upon the individual student. For my son, who never cared one way or the other if he got an A- or a B+ at his very competitive private HS, he worked really hard his first semester at college to make sure he didn’t jeopardize his scholarship. Now he’s working really hard to hold onto his 4.0 (something that isn’t all that easy when taking statics, differential equations, and thermodynamics all at the same time). Regardless of how it turns out, he’s approaching it as maintaining and surpassing his “personal best.”
I’d summarize my philosophy when it comes to questions like this:
Know your budget.
Know your kid.
Hedge your bets by not taking unnecessary risks.
College is a four-year proposition for most students. You need to have a reasonable plan for getting them in and out in four years without taking on an unrealistic financial burden. Only you can decide what works for your budget and your family, but “best value” for YOUR money is rarely a bad way to proceed.
I am kind of amazed at the responses here. Everyone seems to have a large “budget” to send their kids to college, and if you haven’t saved enough don’t be surprised if your kids resent you in 20 years (even considering the cost of college today). Is this the general demographic of folks on CC? Is it understood that unless you can pay a full ride, you shouldn’t have had children? Is this the level of entitlement today? It sounds that way from the responses. We have saved diligently for 15 years, but it still won’t be close to enough for the cost of college these days for our children. It just sounds like things are out of perspective.
No, not everyone has a large budget, but it is possible for everyone to discuss up front what is the budget. When the student knows the budget is $500 or $50,000 then appropriate applications and plans can be made.
When some have shared their personal experience resenting how parents paid (or not) for their education, it was not from a sense of entitlement, but when promises were made up front that where then broken.
There is a lot of good information here about financial aid, scholarships, loans and schools at all price points and different values.
I think very few people have saved that much. But with savings, some money from the current income stream, kids working in the summers and part time during the school year, and federal loans, some families can accomplish it. There are also schools a bit lower in the rankings that give merit aid, and in-state flagships. We see plenty of students out here whose parents can’t or won’t pay, and we try to advise them as well.
There is an additional factor consider. We looked at UG as a stepping point, we wanted D. to be happy there for 4 years. Other than that, she said she would do fine anywhere as far as her goal of getting into Med. School. So, the choice may be different based on such factor as future Grad. School or no Grad. School. As another example, if career of a teacher is chosen and Grad. School is basically a must, do you really want to spend much on UG, given that all of the choices are practically about the same.
The comparisons to our other purchases and what we choose based on value we are getting for our $$ are not much applicable to college education. College education depends on a student much more than on place. There are so many options, so many opportunities and so many things that simply can derail a young adult, that the future success is going to be basically in the student hands, not anybody else, not even the profs as much as one might think. So, if a kid is saying “I will do fine anywhere” and mine said just that, what is the point of paying more? It was no point for us, but we did not have this debate, our D’s best choice also happened to be tuition free for her and the second best choice was only about $5k / year in tuition after Merit awards, so we let her to decide. And about 10 years later, she is still very happy with her decision as she had much more at her college in all aspects of her life and very valuable experiences in addition to reaching her goals that we ever could predicted. And why? Simple truth is as she said, “I took advantage of opportunities when others were passing by”. Where you can go wrong with this attitude? And OP’s kid seems to be having the same outlook on life. Good for her!
For me, the college decision is nothing like a car-buying decision. Cars last a few years so you make a ‘value’ choice. Down the road, it will no longer matter what car you chose back in 2015. The college experience/choice/credential lasts a lifetime; in many ways it determines the opportunities and path our child will take in life. So I push my kids to get into the very best college they can without considering cost. Wife and I will figure out how to pay for it, even if it means emptying accounts and taking a 2nd on the house. I realize not everyone can dismiss the financial ramifications the way I do (though most schools these days seem to be quite good at awarding need-based aid.) Again, this is just my way of thinking.
To the OP. Our kiddo had one OOS public where she got an amazing scholarship. We would have been paying about $10,000 out of pocket a year for her to attend college if she had gone there. With no loans.
Her top choice cost us well over $40,000 a year. And she took the maximum Direct Loan.
The school from which she graduated was smaller, and to be honest, was really an excellent choice. Both schools were within our budget range.
Like your daughter…ours liked the less expensive option…but loved the more expensive one. We went with her first choice…and don’t regret it one bit.
I can’t imagine dismissing finances and jeopardizing retirement to fund college. We aspire to teach our children to make informed choices that are sound financially, and we do that in part by modeling that behavior. I personally turned down a well-recognized college that I could not afford to attend a little-known college that offered me a full-tuition scholarship and provided me a terrific education. CCers would barely consider the school to be worthy of being a safety, but that school will always receive generous donations in gratitude of the doors they opened for me. In many fields, a few years after graduation the school you attended no longer matters - what matters is what you’ve done with your education and opportunities. I’m in the process of hiring multiple positions - and I honestly find I’m barely looking at what the degree is, much less the school attended - what matters to me is the experience in the field.
That’s why we were willing to go with a school that fell within our budget - which allowed us to retain our savings, and pay for child #2 to attend college as well - but didn’t force D to choose the least expensive option.
Many schools may offer need-based aid, but that doesn’t help families who make good incomes but can’t afford $60K/year for college. D’s most expensive option was $50k/year after the $9k grant the school offered. That one was off the table right away. All other schools were within our budget, so ended up being fair game. Yes, there was a swing of $10k/year between various schools, but we’d planned for that and could manage the cost without putting ourselves in a position of being financially dependent on our children in our old age.