How has your understanding of "best fit" for your child changed?

Parents Forum
1

Now that many have made commitments, I thought it might be helpful for those with DC still deciding to hear how the parents’ idea of what was a “best fit” for their DC evolved as they went through the college search, application and selection process. This is not intended to put down any specific school or type of school, but rather to point out that there is a school to fit everyone. I’ll go first.

Way back in spring of sophomore year my DS was interested in 2 top engineering schools. However, once he made a list of his criteria for what he wanted in a school, one of them met only one–his major. It came off the list. First “bad fit” casualty.

I was very excited that my DS was interested, and seemed qualified to attend, the 2nd school. It is easy to get caught up in dreaming about that school. We set up a visit. The school met a lot of his criteria, but not all. It stayed on the list–after all it is a prestigious program. The last data point of the day would keep coming back to us over the next 2 years. The program seemed to be more focused on theory than hands-on learning.

Fast forward to junior year, DS added more schools to his list of schools to tour. All had his major, but were of varying sizes, geographic locations, ranking, amounts of school spirit, prevalence of Greek life, availability of merit aid, prestige, cost, urban/suburban/rural setting, mix of theory vs hands-on, campus vibe, etc. Each met some of his criteria, but none met all. It became clearer and clearer that a prioritizing of the criteria would be necessary. Also, some more specific criteria were added as his knowledge of engineering programs increased like use of TAs, chance to study engineering abroad, and type of honors program.

As I watched my DS on these visits there were places where he was clearly more comfortable, but not always where I thougt it would be. I tried to keep my opinions to myself and only point out which criteria were met and which were not. The list of schools was carved down to 7 by the time application season opened senior year.

He was lucky enough to be admitted to every school he applied to.

2nd visits and/or admitted student visits were reserved for his top 3. All were done by mid-February. Ultimately, my DS chose a school that fits him amazingly well. It is not the most prestigious, well known, or highest ranked but he has more than one option to study engineering abroad, will be farther away than he was first looking for, will study in a LAC style honors college at the same time, has already been admitted to his major, will have lots of hands on learning and will be able to attend as many sporting events as he has time for. I started with a vision of fit based on ACT scores, prestige, school spirit, and size of school. Then I moved on to hands-on learning, focus on UG education, and study abroad opportunities. Finally, I totally agreed with his choice based upon direct entry to major, graduating without debt, and overall campus vibe.

How did your vision of what was the best fit for your DC change as you have gone though this process?

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My parent idea of “best fit” really had no bearing on my kids’ college selections. We parents had a lot of input in the application choices. After that…it was up to the kids to choose from their list of acceptances.

So really in our house…it was all about what the KIDS thought was the best fit…not what the parents thought.

The kiddos were going to college…not us.

3

My D2 thought she might want to do bio research, which affected the schools on her list. Fall of senior year she took Physics in HS, and was charmed by it – resulting in some last minute juggling of her list, as good physics schools are fewer and further between.

I wasn’t sure either of my kids was ready for a school far away when we started their searches, but both matured a lot senior year, and by May it was obvious that a far away school would be fine.

4

I agree @ thumper but that is why I am mulling it here. None of it was discussed with my DS but I could not help but weigh the options in my mind while I was wondering what he would choose and why.

5

Like @Cheeringsection , my son has recently committed to his " dream school". What’s most important to note, is by most people’s standards on CC and among other students , few would consider it a “dream school” Our search began with instate schools due to large state funded scholarship opportunities. He thought he would prefer a smaller school , so his search started with smaller schools both public and private . Then, during his junior year he was offered provisional acceptance to a large state university that is extremely competitive to be accepted into. He decided to take a closer look , and that school quickly moved to second on his list. He also looked at another public state school with of a reputable and competitive Honors program. It was medium sized in comparison and was in an urban setting which was different than all of his other choices. He began to investigate Honors programs which offered additional perks like mentoring , specialized residence halls, priority scheduling , etc to make the larger schools seem smaller. From there he looked at study abroad opportunities , internships , community resources etc.

Most importantly he began to search for the sense of a personal connection with the school. Where was he valued and respected, not just seen as a number . He ultimately applied to 5 schools( 2 private LACs and 3 publics including Honors program ) He was accepted to all 5 schools and the Honors programs . He crossed one off of his list because he felt like it was the least challenging academically . He visited the other 4 schools on several occasions during scheduled visiting days and impromptu visits during different times of the year. One school began to emerge as a clear leader . He felt connected to the department of his major, other students in the Honors program and the Dean of Honors. They made frequent contact with him. They recognized him on every visit. They contacted him with opportunities he may be interested in. They skyped him for notification of acceptance into their Honors program and invite him into a living learning community. He felt appreciated , respected and connected to the program . He turned down programs that are falsely perceived as more “prestigious” to attend the perfect school for him . If more students would actually truly look internally to determine what would fit them best, rather than externally , IMO there would be a lot less stressed and happier students , and the decision would come much easier.

6

I remember my daughter just beaming on the campus visit. She’s a kid who ALWAYS changes her mind, but she didn’t for this school. Perfect fit for her. After a year she said “You know, I think any school would have been fine.”

She realized that there is more than one glass slipper, and that a lot of schools could get the job done of making her an engineer. I don’t think a very small rural school would have been a good choice, but any medium or large school would have been fine.

7

Here’s a way to assess ‘fit’ that I don’t see discussed often: The application, esp the supplemental essay(s).

If the kid can:

  1. reel off the Why X with a twinkle in their eye, it's probably a good fit.
  2. some schools have essay prompts designed to appeal to a certain kind of a kid. If the kid says "Oh this will be fun to write" then that will likely be a good fit.

DD had 3 fave schools after tours. 2 of 3 met the above criteria. Accepted at both. The third, she struggled with, waitlisted. Other schools, that would have been a good enough fit, she decided the prompts were too boring and the schools did not get an application. It helped that she already had an EA accept under her belt.

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I put every one of the colleges that he applied to on my son’s list based on his expressed interests. He was not interested in spending time reading about or searching for colleges. He made no visits to colleges for the search. (He had visited quite a few for other purposes, namely, debate competitions and camps.) He wanted to attend a college where it was considered okay to be a thinker, where the students weren’t stuck up or pretentious, and that was located in a major league city (as in major league sports). He chose the one he liked best after admission was offered: University of Chicago. He did not shift the criteria during the search, though admitted that he might be willing to attend our state flagship because it has “major league college sports.”

I put every one of the colleges that she applied to on my daughter’s list based on her criteria: (a) stand-alone art school, (b) in a real city, © in the east. She made a grand tour in which we visited 10 colleges in 11 days. Under no condition did she want to attend our state flagship university, even though it has a decent art program. She did apply to one art program in a university (CMU) that was not in the east. She was admitted to every college she applied to. She ended up at RISD. Providence was “enough of a real city” for her, and was readily accessible to large metropolises in the east.

9

My D2 could not WAIT to write her UChicago essays. She got a taste of the topics when her older sister was in the college search (older sis did not apply, but we did visit and look at it). D2 knew right then that she would apply (any schools asking those types of questions of applicants was worth her while!), and would ask me to look up the essay prompts every year for the next few years until it was her turn. I thought it was a good sign, and she was admitted – didn’t end up attending, but I wasn’t too surprised that she got in giving her enthusiasm for their essay prompts.

10

In terms of essay prompts, out of the 5 schools my son applied to, he never had a " Why school X" essay prompt except for a scholarship essay. He was tasked with some extremely though provoking essays such as " what would your You Tube " video be about, " In a tweet of 140 characters or less, like in a tweet, tell us why we should admit you to this program" and the dreaded " design a course essay" Because we limited our schools to instate schools DS16 was fortunate enough to have visited every school on his compact list prior to applying which made it easy to write those more complicated essays.

11

D started her college search the summer after her sophomore year. She began to establish her criteria and we watched as things seemed to come more and more into focus. First she determined the general things she wanted to study. This changed over the years from biology to allied health fields. Then campus size and general location, she had a specific activity she wanted to engage in (dance-which really narrowed her choices) and finally the general look and feel of the campus. She finally chose 4 schools to apply to but 1 of them was a clear favorite and for all intents and purposes, a safety. She had little interest in reach schools as they really didn’t fit as well. Like others here she was accepted to all of the schools she applied to. If we could have had the FA determined in October I really think she would have applied to one school.

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@mackinaw - Curious, assuming getting into all of the top dedicated art schools in the Northeast, the reasons why your daughter/you chose RISD over other top schools such as Pratt, MICA or Tyler. Thanks!

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We spent 2 years looking at schools, and although I felt she belonged at a small school, she felt otherwise. One of the HS teachers ( not one of hers), upon learning of her decision, actually told her that he saw her at a small school ( ugh) rather than the one she picked. Her guidance counselor was the one who thought she made the right choice. She had certain criteria: not a big party school ( she knows all schools have parties), not a large Greek presence, lots of school spirit, strong academics without intense competition, strong in the sciences. The school she attends was not her first choice, but it was definitely in her top 3. Strangely, her first choice is not known for sports/school spirit. After a very bumpy start, I can honestly say she is in the right place and she got exactly what she wanted. She is happier than she has ever been despite me originally thinking that a small school would be the best fit.

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@BrooklynRye She didn’t apply to Tyler. It never got on her map. I’m not sure why. She liked MICA and was admitted there. She visited Pratt but didn’t like it much when she visited, and so didn’t apply. She applied to Cooper Union but did not complete their “home test” or whatever they call it because she was sick that week.

When acceptances came in she consulted with a famous illustrator (children’s book author and a family friend) for his advice and he put it this way. “Why not RISD? It’s the best, isn’t it?” Well that could be argued in part because it depends on the field of study. She was thinking of illustration as her major, but after one course her instructor at RISD told her, “Look. You GET this. You can always do illustration. But you might want a bigger challenge.” She majored in industrial design.

15

Our story is also different than that of most CC’ers. My D decided that she wanted to apply to an HBCU from the moment she learned that they existed back in 6th grade. She never wavered. Her HS experiences allowed her to tour and even stay at several in-state publics, and she decided that she would only choose one if all else failed, for many reasons-size, location (too close to home), and of course, being PWI’s. At the end of her sophomore year, she decided to graduate a year early, with her HS’s blessing. And she wants to teach, a major not often seen on the CC forums.

Because HBCU’s are quite far from Seattle, where we live, we went to as many local-ish HBCU fairs as we could, and D built her initial list from those. After her freshman year, the entire family plus a friend of D’s took a vacation/college tour trip down south to tour 7 colleges. The following year she toured 8 more with a tour group. In the end she applied to 10 colleges-one large, PWI (Temple) and 9 HBCU’s. Three were ones she’d never seen but added because friends were there, or we’d heard about them through online research. She got into all 10 schools, half with decent merit (including Temple, with the “Temple Option” of not using test scores).

She’d really always wanted a small school, so Temple surprised me. But in the end, she DID choose a small college, one where when we toured, everyone knew everyone, and where people dropped what they were doing to talk with us (actually, a common experience at almost all the schools). None of the schools rely on the Common App, so essays varied. She enjoyed the ones that required research or strong personal opinions. At these schools, essays are often SUPPOSED to be on “risky” topics.

What I thought of as “fit” in the beginning remains what D saw as “fit” as well, with only a few tweaks. I believe she chose the best possible place to be-for her, and that she will thrive there. It was never about prestige, or sports, or Greek, or any of the things you often hear about in college “fit”. It was always about a place she’d be comfortable as a very young student with a sincere dedication to learning, and where she can become the best teacher possible. We found that with her final choice. A school that says it’s the responsibility of the entire college to produce competent teachers has my vote.

For us, finances mattered, so we did have to wait to see if D got the merit money she’d need to afford to attend any of these far-flung places. Luckily, several of them have automatic merit and D ended up with several affordable options, including what had slowly become her top choice over the years. But there was NEVER a “dream school”. The rule was always to apply only to schools where you’d be happy top go if they ended up being the only option. There were favorites, but not a “I will DIE if I don’t get in” school. We didn’t think that was healthy or practical and discouraged D from heading in that direction.

16

We started college touring the summer after sophomore year. She didn’t like any of the schools- too large, too urban, etc. It frustrated me, but in hindsight, what she didn’t want was as important as what she did want. She finally realized she wanted small to medium LAC’s.

She applied to 9 and said she would be happy going to any of the 9, including her 2 safeties where she got accepted early with large merit.

One school emerged as a favorite and she considered ED1 but didn’t because then she would never know if she would’ve gotten into her high reaches. The school she was considering was a low reach. I thought that was a good decision and she would then be able to compare her RD choices.

Then a few days before the EDII deadline, she decided to apply to her top choice. She said that whenever she pictured herself in college, that’s where she saw herself.

She got accepted, withdrew or declined all her other apps, and has not had a single regret. She cannot wait to start college in the fall!

17

Older son hated “Why College” essays. His approach was basically “I’m a computer nerd, take me or leave me.” I dragged him on visits April senior year. He put his foot down and said no more, all dorms look the same, I don’t care about the city, I just want the best program. So he applied to the usual suspects. One he got into colleges he looked at them more carefully (including visits! wouldn’t you know he didn’t get in to anywhere he had visited.) He ended up making the very grown up choice that for computer science Carnegie Mellon was better than Harvard. Had a great time and is in his dream job.

Younger son OTOH loved visiting and used the visits to figure out what he wanted from locations, size to major. In the end he was looking for medium sized research universities in or near cities with good IR programs. He targeted essays to each college and looked forward all fall to a creative Tufts propmpt to write an alternative history of the US. (He waited till Christmas break to write it because he wanted to have plenty of time to focus on it. Drove us bananas!) He liked all his colleges, and refused to fall in love with any of them. He did revisits everywhere in April, and ultimately chose Tufts.

18

I only ended up applying to one college but my idea of “fit” definitely changed from this time last year until now. Ever since I was a freshman I thought I would go to a state school 3 or 4 hours away because it seemed the “normal” thing to do. I visited a state school with my dad in early April. It was a nice school but too big and too far away for me. My mom knew I wouldn’t like it but let me visit anyway. Then at my junior conference my GC recommend Russell Sage to me as she had worked there and I visited and fell in love with it. It feels like home, and that’s a good feeling to have about a place where you are spending the next 4 years.

19

Sophomore year-the first tour we went on she loved-- strong engineering school in a southern city, then a few big state schools in more traditional college settings that didn’t resonate. I really though GATech would be it. But as she moved into junior year, her area of interest became more defined and her outside interests became increasingly important. Study abroad programs that would work with engineering majors became a must-have. She began to realize that she wanted a school located in a more suburban/rural/small college town. She then started looking more strongly at honors programs as the idea of having both an academically challenging community and a big sports/fun aspect to college seemed like the right combination. She also wanted a campus that was bike/pedestrian friendly and somewhat traditional/collegiate looking. She decided snowy north campuses were not her thing. NMSF opened up some more doors for exploration-- and she found what she was looking for. Since the beginning of sophomore year, I kept a post it on my desk with the names of schools that were in consideration, so many were crossed off and never applied to, and the one she will end up at is the last one I added to the list.

20

As a prospective athletic recruit, my kid started exploring different types of schools in spring of sophomore year to get a sense of what he preferred. Realized he loved small, nurturing communities and loathed the big school feel. Made the recruiting search easier. Initially his list was framed in terms of using sports to get into the “best” possible school, with tippy top LACs on the list. As he continued to visit and do recruiting, he shifted his focus to schools which were his kind of community, plus we realized that merit aid was going to be necessary for us as “doughnut” families – said goodbye to the NESCAC schools. He has committed to a fabulous school, a great fit academically, socially, and athletically, with substantial merit award. Everyone is happy, but the process was definitely 2 years long.