With two college graduates and one still in college, I can offer perspective that comes from watching things play out. My ideas of “fit” were completely irrelevant. Their lives have been shaped by those four years of college in ways we can’t imagine when they are in high school. It goes far beyond majors and classes and size and geographic location of campus. They made friends, met mentors, found jobs and (at least one of them) met his about-to-be spouse in college. They spent summers in jobs in found in ways that could only have happened because of who they met and became close to at their specific colleges. They’ve traveled around the world because of the colleges they chose. None of that was knowable or even predictable ahead of time. Their lives would be fine, but very different had they gone to different schools.
For what it is worth, I would have chosen a small LAC for our oldest, who went to our large instate flagship. I would have chosen our state flagship (big merit scholarship) for the one who went to a “better” OOS flagship. I bit my lip throughout the entire process for my youngest, who chose the LAC I would have said was the perfect fit for her. I didn’t want her to feel pushed in a decision she needed to make for herself. (She came close to picking a large, urban research university, but is at that small LAC and is very, very happy.)
I don’t think the original intent of this post was to imply that the parents idea of fit was more important than the student’s idea of fit . I think it was meant to be more a discussion of how things that you originally considered important may have changed along the way or how they stayed true throughout the journey.
My idea of “fit” was first and foremost affordable. That didn’t change. Otherwise, I saw youngest D at a school with a quirky student body and a considerably larger percentage of minorities on campus. I was wrong about about the quirkiness factor, but right about the minorities. In the end, none of it matters. She chose a school I could afford and will graduate without debt in just two more years.
My understanding of fit has changed from thinking that it is something you can investigate and predict, to something that doesn’t become apparent until you are there living the experience. My nephew had loads of great college choices, and picked Georgetown after visiting it a total of 4 times! It wasn’t possible to look into a school more than he looked at that school, yet he only stayed one semester because when he was there living it, it did not work for him. Lesson learned was that it’s still a crap shoot which can only be determined once you’re living there and going to school.
@b1ggreenca my older D had that experience. Picked a school she felt she’d love based on its location (small NE town, close to dad’s home), size, program, and EC’s that spoke to her love of the outdoors. She lasted a year and hated every minute of it. Turns out that after years of big city life, a small town no longer appealed to her, a small town made it difficult to get medical care in an emergency, and the remoteness made it almost impossible for friends to visit. Her dad and I had thought it would be perfect for her, but it wasn’t at all.
Someone on another thread said that the school where you “find your people” is the best fit (assuming affordability, etc.) I believe that. Looking back at the schools D toured, then applied to, the one she ended up picking was the one where she “found her people” from the beginning. I’m hoping that actually living there will be as comfortable for her and we won’t have a repeat of her sister’s experience. What I do know is that in the end for her sister, academics had little to do with her fit or lack of it. She was a fine student. But she was just miserable.
My understanding of best fit has changed from a romantic notion of her finding her people and loving all her classes, sleeping in a beautiful dorm and eating peanut-free freshly made food, to being able to afford college.
My daughter went to the school that seemed like a poor fit for her because it was the affordable choice. It has been beyond awesome. She (and we) couldn’t possibly be happier with how it worked out. One thing that made a huge difference for her was choosing to life in an residential college on campus. It made a big school small in a way that worked well for her.
I have to say, no, my opinion of fit did not change …because both of my kids ended up at a “parent pick” school…and I picked based on what they had said they wanted.
I knew we would be full pay, so I wanted to find places that met her criteria but were affordable. She wanted big school, didn’t care about sports, major in math, north east…and what really clinched it was generosity in IB credits for the college…she ended up at Binghamton (#5 top value school!)
My youngest wanted smaller school, major in Psych/pre-med, 1-2 hours from home…she ended up at TCNJ.
I had no real pre-conceived notations of “best fit.” Just to get child thinking, we pushed the idea of a “gap year.” We suggested colleges on the opposite side of the country. It was interesting to see the evolution in thinking as the process progressed. Visited a couple of state flagship universities, without anything to compare them to, and then a top LAC, after which our child definitely started to think a lot more about the choices in front of them. Amazing to watch.
I have to say that my ideas of “fit” evolved quite a bit as my son matured. His final list would seem to many to include completely incongruous schools, as the schools ranged from a very small LAC to an out-of-state flagship with 40,000 undergraduates. But what linked the schools was academics, strong programs in the particular field that he wants to study. Most of his schools had sub-20% acceptance rates, but he had a 100% chance of being accepted at the OOS flagship (lots of Naviance data, no randomness, he was well above the thresholds). So it emerged as a “safety” for him, it had a smaller honors college, and it is in a state that I am from, where he’s spent a lot of time, and dozens of our relatives are graduates. So there was a level of comfort. I don’t think that such a large school would have been ideal for him, but as he matured I could see that he would manage there, and we thought it likely that he would end up there.
He had a clear first choice, a school with a sub-10% admission rate, and he was admitted ED. He had very good reasons for wanting that school, and I think that this came through in the 9 (!) essays he submitted with that application.
For him, “fit” came down to academics more than size, location, or anything else.
Too often, I think, many people seem to forget that the main reason for going to college in the first place should be to learn something and gain an education (i.e., academics).
S is still mulling and contemplating between his close favorites, while I’m doing my best to bite my lip and not push any way or another. But for me, the idea of “fit” started out with a strong focus on course selection (with a look at campus climate as more of a way to winnow down the choices than a key element) but has evolved towards a greater emphasis on what I guess could be called the holistic campus experience. What are the other students like? How does it “feel”?
Of course, the understanding can evolve that way because, at first, we were looking at a lot of schools and narrowing the list down, initially based on non-negotiables like “can S study what he wants to study there?” and “can he get in and can we afford it?” So the Ones Left Standing already do, by definition, have a high level of “fit” across the board – academics, cost, atmosphere.
But as it comes down to the finish line, I’m seeing that course selection per se may be less of a deciding factor than other elements of fit. Part of that is a broader definition of “academics” than I’d initially been thinking about. Does it mean a greater variety of courses? More seminars? More opportunities to work closely with profs? What does it mean to be “challenged”? There are so many ways to look at what it means to have strong academics!
I guess that’s where looking at elements other than just academics is also coming more to the fore. As LaptopKid said, “The courses matter, but also, I have to live there for four years.” So what feels most like it could be “home”? Where does it feel as if he’d both “find his tribe” and be supported in growing?(As if you can really even tell beforehand!) Ultimately I guess it’s apples and oranges … if you’re picking between fruit you like, each of which will make you healthy, and you can’t have both, it’s a heck of a challenge.
Sometimes I think it was easier back in my day, when we had a whole lot less information to go on Not that I’d give up our trusty and informative internet sites, LOL.
Our daughter’s college fit was a whirlpool of motion. It began with her placing Post-It Notes on the wall with the names of all the schools she was considering. The only definite was that her university would have to have a marching band. The order changed constantly. The acceptance from the school that was her initial top in-state pick was declined, even with an offer of full tuition. The OOS university that she had fallen in love with at a summer band program was dropped from the list, as she realized that it was the school itself that she loved, but the students were way too preppy for her quirky, artsy style. The huge OOS university that specialized in her intended major was just too far away and expensive. Our state flagship had accepted her into honors, but our campus tour had been a real disappointment and she was not impressed. A friend asked her son, a senior at the flagship, to spend the day with our daughter and show her what the place is really like. It worked and she was hooked. And after one semester of giving it the old college try, she was able to convince her dad that a future in the sciences is just not for her. She will instead pursue graphic design at a university that is large and diverse enough to excel in both arts and sciences. She says she can’t imagine going anywhere else. And yes, she’s in the marching band.
Not that I’d give up our trusty and informative internet sites, LOL.