Also for me (and my kids) I was expected to work over the summer to earn my spending money.
We pay tuition, books, room & board, health insurance and flights home (but not to head spring break in FL say). Our D and older son paid for incidentals (movies, restaurants, cafes, gifts, etc) out their own earnings starting in about 9-10th grade. However, we did not just say ‘whereever you want to go, we will pay if we can afford it.’
I expect that our kids might move back home for a time. Older son did while studying for the LSAT and again when applying to grad school. We live in a small house so we all cram in a bit, but there sense of teamwork and everyone pitches in to make it work. My H and I did the same with our parents during similar times (finishing dissertations). When our kids have kids, I expect that we will help there too; not necessary with $ but with childcare. Our parents did the same and all our friends’ parents did too, e.g. when one of us had to travel for work and extra pair hands was needed for a week, one of our parents would come visit. When our kids are older, I expect that it will fall upon them to help us, not necessarily $ but time and managing things. Just as we helped our parents, and all my friends have helped their parents and my parents helped their parents and managed finances when their parents became incapable of that.
I’d planned along that D would take out $5K a year to have ‘skin in the game’. But then decided not to do that when it came time. Our older son had about 3 years of unpaid internships before he was able to work up to a paid job; unpaid internships are typical in his field and he came out of school during the recession. His $200 a month in student loans was a huge struggle and he was late many times. It messed up his credit for awhile. In retrospect, we should have helped but I was in ‘you’re an adult now. you’re responsible.’ mode. Now with #2, I’m a hesitant to have her take out loans if it is not needed, at the moment at least. I’ve become more risk-adverse and less optimistic I suppose.
Both our kids went to OOS schools and earned significant scholarships (eldest was on full tuition NCAA D1 scholarship plus U’s Presidential Scholarship, youngest was NMF/Presidential Scholar with Full Tuition/Fees/Stipend Scholarship) so they were responsible for maintaining GPA’s high enough to keep them. We paid for off campus housing/sorority dues/meal plans/car and car insurance/phones, they paid all incidentals/spring break/etc. from excess scollies and from savings - both worked summers starting at 15 and both had paid internships during college. Both graduated in 4 years, got good paying jobs (OOS), and started life with no debt and 5 figure savings accounts. We ended up spending about $120K, which was about half our projected in-state COA for the two. It worked out that our costs were almost identical for each.
We pay any and all expenses except for discretionary “fun” money (movies, pizza etc). However my kids contribute 1/2 of anything they make (both during the school year and summer) and take minimal loans. The reason we picked “1/2 of what you make” instead of a set dollar amount (or specific items such as books) is because while we wanted them to help contribute, we didn’t want money concerns to distract them from their studies.
My college roommate had a semester’s worth of expenses placed in her bank account by her father each semester. It included enough to pay her rent, sorority dues, food, gas (she had a car and a motorcycle), etc. Really more than enough to live on, buy her books, pay any school fees.
And every Tuesday morning, she received a letter from her mother, mailed on Monday, with a $20 bill in it. Every. Single. Week. That was a lot of money 40 years ago.
Was I jealous? NO. She was very generous sharing her belonging, buying food, etc. And her mother saved us at least once a semester by showing up with toilet paper, cookies, mac and cheese, dishwashing soap, cleaning supplies. I’m not sure I would have survived without my roommate and her generous parents.
I gave allowance to both of my kids from high school to college. They learned to manage their spend.
Both college kids get monthly deposit into their checking accounts, to cover all monthly expenses. The older one’s deposit is large because it is supposed to cover all food and other living expenses (including commute to internship etc) now that he is off campus. The younger one’s deposit is quite small since all meals plus campus events, and off campus trips, are covered in our tuition/room and board payment. The goal is for them to learn to budget, understand the difference between “credit” and “debit” for purchases, understanding how hard it is to pay off a credit card balance and still have enough money to cover regular expenses. They’ve made mistakes, but learn from them, as is our hope.
My son got an allowance monthly. My daughter, who was more responsible, got a lump sum dumped in her checking account at the beginning of every semester. By the time she moved off campus and was paying her own rent and buying her own food, that lump sum was quite large.
It worked out fine, except that somehow, she didn’t spend all the money. My husband became aware of this after she graduated and said that we should have asked her to give us the extra money back at the end of each semester. But like another person who posted above, I didn’t want to create perverse incentives. If I had asked her for the extra money back, I would have created an incentive for a finals week shopping spree.
We don’t give our son an allowance per se. We deposit enough money to pay his rent, electric and food each month. He pays for anything outside of that himself. He says he has enough money to eat out someplace cheap once a week and buy groceries/cleaning supplies.
@Marian, I think your daughter’s situation is the best thing that could happen. We are purposely overpaying our daughter on a semester basis, while we still have some control over the situation, to get her used to not spending every dime she gets and has a savings target in mind. We are doing this vs. giving a chunk of money at the end. Again, just trying to help her develop some good habits.
Our plan is that we will pay the costs equivalent to our flagship university, room and board, and books. If D chooses to attend a private, between her merit and small student loan she needs to make up the difference. She is also responsible for incidental spending (car insurance, any trips, spending money, study abroad costs above tuition/fees, etc). She will be working summers but since she will be a college athlete (div III so no money attached), I do not necessarily think she will be able to work during terms.
Very unlikely she’ll have time especially during her season. My daughter does not work during the school year. She had a few teammates who had work study, and they do work like statistics and timing for the boy’s games, working in the weight room, etc., but it is very limited in time and the athletic department is flexible.
Over Christmas break she was able to earn a few bucks babysitting and dog sitting, but that’s about it.