<p>Before I post my essay, is it safe to post essays that have already been scored? Just want to be sure. Thanks.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>yes, it’s fine lol. even if not(1 percent chance), it’ll be moderated out and there won’t be any consequences for you</p>
<p>Alright, then. Here it is:</p>
<p>My essay was about 1 and 3/4 pages long. I probably received a 11 because of the conclusion, which I scrambled to write and which was a redundant . Might have received a 12 if not for that, oh well. Just remember to BS and think of statistics on the spot and come up with original examples. Never use the Holocaust (unless you do it like I did in passing), or anything cliched like that! Here’s my essay exactly as I wrote it (including mistakes):</p>
<p>Prompt: The idea of caring about only the people of one’s own country seems outdated. Some people still defend this attitude, claiming that if we are going to expend resources to help people, we should help those of our own country first. But national boundaries are meaningless lines that shift over time. There is no reason why a citizen of one country should not feel just as responsible for the well-being of people in other countries as for the well-being of those in his or her own country.</p>
<p>Should we care just as much about people in other countries as we do about people in our own country? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>
<p>Essay:</p>
<p>Xenophobia. Racism. An “us versus them” mentality. All of these things are an unfortunate result of a jingoistic world view that the value of one person’s life is intrinsically worth more, simply because they were born in one country or another. This, in essence, is why citizens of various countries should extend a helping hand not just to fellow citizens, but to the general world population, the citizens of the world.</p>
<p>While some may claim that is naively idealistic to attempt to care for other countries’ citizens, others rightly believe that the humanity shared between peoples or around the world transcends meaningless borders. According to the Worldwide Discrimination Prevention Board, 61% of Americans feel that, given the choice between saving 1 American life or 5 American ives, they would pick the former. This reveals an unsavory mindset that many have, that one life is worth more than another. Promoting altruism only towards only one’s fellow citizens is not true altruism, for it places a value on human life. That is why humanity must care for everyone, and not just on the basis of whatever country you had the fortune or misfortune of being born into. In fact, according to the Global War Crimes Watch, 82% of genocides that have occurred through history are a result of a “significant and obviously present ultranationalist mindset.”</p>
<p>This brings us the devaluation of human life, and how it spawns as a result of a perceived national superiority. During World War II, the Japanese, when led by Emperor Hirohito, had a mentality of racial superiority towards the Chinese. This lead to all kinds of horrific genocides, such as the “Rape of Nanking,” when thousands were slaughtered for the perverse pleasure of it. The exact number, according to the Shanghai Institute, was 50,000 murdered civilians. The implication is not that looking after only one’s own citizens leads to genocide, but rather that it leads to a placement of lesser value of life. Japanese soldiers viewed the Chinese as lesser people, barely animals, which is what allowed them to commit such attrocities (sic). While it’s true this is not always the case, it often is; every major genocide, from the Holocaust, to massacre in Darfur, to the Stalinist purges, to Pol Pot’s 2-million march genocide, was a result of ultranationalism.</p>
<p>This, in essence, is why one must look out for all citizens of the world. A child’s life in Ethiopia is worth no more than a child’s life in Cameroon. Humanity shares a common link in not only anatomy and physiology, but also in a shared link, which is why worldwide altruism is vital for the continuation of the human race.</p>
<p>Did you make up those statistics on the spot?
Either way, congrats on managing an 11 with only 4 paragraphs too! loved the intro, but i’m scared to deviate from my format just because i’m happier with a safe ten than a maybe 12,maybe 8 state. D:</p>
<p>Yeah, I made them on the spot haha. Works every time. :P</p>
<p>You, my friend, are a genius.
Do you have any last-minute CR tips? I NEED TO BREAK 750 D=</p>
<p>That deserves a 12.</p>
<ul>
<li>You only used 2? examples? basically 1. And I still think it deserves a 12.<br>
*I will now make up statistics on the spot.</li>
</ul>