<p>I'm always seeing posts here from parents that seem kind of ridiculous. I saw one where a woman was concerned about a school because her daughter would have to cross a busy street(!). Certainly there is a certain level of interest and involvement that is natural, but some of these moms seem WAY too involved and protective. So, I was wondering, how do the students here feel? Are your parents too involved? Not involved enough? Do you have friends whose parents are too involved?</p>
<p>My parents are totally removed. My dad will give me money if I really really need it, but that’s never happened. He comes to visit once a year or so and asks how my classes are and stuff, but he’s not involved. I almost never speak to my mother at all; I’m not sure that she’s even entirely aware what I’m studying or even where I go to school.</p>
<p>Healthy distance–not too involved at all. Most parents’ level of involement is directly related to their children’s immaturity and neediness–there are exceptions, but if you don’t beg for parental intervention, you should be fine.</p>
<p>My parents and I talk everyday but that’s just to see how I am doing but they never have any input on my decisions because I’m not an idiot. My parents never visited in college until move-out day. During the application process, the only involvement was financial (application fees & deposit). Maybe, it was just me, but I didn’t think it was that difficult. Choose list of schools. Apply. Send application. Wait for responses.</p>
<p>I think certain parents add a level of unneeded stress on their kids with too much involvement. Too much input and you’ll have your kids confused and second-guessing their own instincts which were probably not wrong in the first place. Leave them alone. How are they going to make decisions for themselves if they constantly need the approval of someone else?</p>
<p>My parents are interested and involved but not overbearing. They ask about my classes, ECs, club hockey, etc., and remind me if I need anything, they’re there for me.</p>
<p>However, my school seems to have its share of helicopter parents who are constantly hovering and getting involved in their adult kids’ life, to include calling or e-mailing professors on their kid’s behalf to handle issues the student should handle on their own. A lot of them don’t seem to think their kids should be forced to deal with the consequences of their actions and they protect their kids like they were still 6 years old.</p>
<p>I talk to my parents maybe once a week… probably less, and I really don’t tell them much. I’ve always kind of been like that, always wanted to make my own decisions and do things independently.</p>
<p>I have a few friends who are super dependent on their parents. Some of them get by just fine, some of them I wonder how the hell they’ll ever exist in the real world without mommy holding their hand…</p>
<p>My parents, especially my mom, are pretty engaged & interested in my life, but they usually don’t try to make decisions for me. I’m pretty self-motivated, so they’ve always trusted that I’m keeping my s**t together (my younger sister, on the other hand, needs some structure haha). </p>
<p>They’re funding most of my education, so it doesn’t bother me to give them periodic updates on what I’m involved with and how my classes are. Also, I’ve probably gotten closer to my mom since I left for school–I think she misses me a lot, and it’s nice to talk to her when my friends don’t really care about what’s bothering me haha.</p>
<p>My parents are CRAZY. They’re Islamic Fundamentalists from the Mideast so their outlook is totally different from the average American parents.</p>
<p>They’re not like the parents on CC. I’ve been doing my own laundry since Jr. High, often cook for myself, baby-sat throughout HS so didn’t rely on them for an “allowance”. They never helped me with my homework, applications, or reminded me to study, they don’t ask about my college grades. but they’re also control-freaks; I live at home and they expect me to call them once a day to “check in” with them so they can monitor where I am. </p>
<p>I think this has helped me become more independent because growing up I felt i couldn’t rely on them for anything. My entire life to them is one big lie. They don’t know any of my real friends, boyfriend, my real personality, where I go and what I do. I’ve invented like a fake personality around them…weird, I know.</p>
<p>stargazerlilies- Your split life is common among first generation Americanized kids. You are an obedient daughter in the house and IF community but live a responsible, independent life at school.Because your parents don’t understand the American school system you’ve had to figure it out yourself. You don’t want to disappoint or go against their traditions and beliefs so you’ve become what they expect at home but have evolved into another person away from home. It’s not a lie, you’ve compartmentalized the different facets of your life. It’s who you are and you aren’t alone, lots of kids lead dual lives.</p>
<p>thanks, that actually made me feel better about my “split personality”, but it is a lie. to be honest, i’m selfish. if i told my parents who i really am, that i’ve been agnostic since like 13 and don’t believe in most of their superstitious beliefs, that I have a boyfriend and do normal college things, i’d be thrown out of the house in a heartbeat. I used to argue with them more when younger, but now I’m basically selfish and use them for shelter/food/tuition.</p>
<p>My parents are involved and not in the same time.
They don’t want me to go to a 4 year UNi in the States, rather they want me to get some sort of “financially promising” career in Mexico</p>
<p>but I don’t really want to go to Mexico cause even though they have great unis, only 5 of them rank internationally and u actually have an international future</p>
<p>My parents are not involved in my life. I think the last time I saw them or heard from them was last year during the summer. I can’t have them involved in my life because it creates unneeded stress. When I lived with them a few years ago, they were completely involved in my life and it hindered my personal growth and independence. My parents would literally open my mail and pay for my bills because they were worried that I wasn’t “responsible” enough to pay them on time. They would also pea to do my homework back in high school so that I would be able to get a passing grade.</p>
<p>One of the reasons why I refuse to talk to them now was because of their condescending attitude towards me. They’d make negative comments that I’m less capable of learning and being mature as my peers, that I’d always need supervision and never able to live independently, or that I’d never hold down a job.</p>
<p>My parents have little confidence in me and I realized that it was doing so much harm to me emotionally that I packed my bags up and moved across the country to start a completely independent life. Now that I’ve done this, I’ve been five times more successful and mature. I’m completely financially stable and independent and am able to pay my bills on time, maintain excellent grades in school on top of working full time and maintaining a serious relationship with my boyfriend.</p>
<p>The only thing that is really hard about not keeping contact with my parents is that I’m not eligible for financial aid since I’m under 24. My college expenses for three years will be over $50k which is a lot considering it’s all out of pocket.</p>
<p>Pay your student loans with the money you would have had to pay a therapist to help you recover from your “toxic” parents</p>
<p>My parents have never really been involved in any of my schooling. I just kind of studied on my own and made sure I had my homework… They never know when I have tests, I’m not sure they even know the name of my school, or the name of any of the schools I want to transfer to. My dad only pays about $300 a semester and thats about it.</p>
<p>SOad- If you read around CC about the pressure some parents put on their kids, you are lucky. If that’s all your dad can do and you do the rest then you should be proud. You’ve figured out what it takes to become an adult.</p>
<p>I talk to my parents about once every two weeks to check in; I go home to see them about once every month. Partly that’s conflicting schedules, as I have to take the Greyhound to go see them and it’s a pretty big hassle. </p>
<p>They’re interested in my life, but they’re not really involved in my day-to-day work.</p>
<p>I’m very close with my parents and the rest of my family. I call them once a day on average to tell them about my day and ask them about their opinions. In general, I always like to ask for other people’s opinions to see a problem from someone else’s point of view. I really like listening to other people just to hear their opinions. But, in the end, I am the only one who can make the decision and they realize that.</p>
<p>I really love my family and enjoy talking to them. They are not just my parents, they are my friends. (cheesy, i know). Again, my whole family is really close and we just enjoy talking to each other.</p>
<p>My dad is not really “involved” when it comes to action type things, but he keeps in the loop and researches stuff about the policies and workings of my school in his free time. He probably knows more about my school than I do, but I guess he is intitled since I am going to college entirely on his dime.</p>