<p>I have to laugh at the other thread..."how involved do your kids think you are"? I
want to know if there are other parents out there whose kids just weren't that
into it. Here are some quotes from my son...and I'm talking about a kid who is #1 in his class. "I don't care where I go to school, I can learn anywhere", "I don't care where I go as long as it's a good school",
"I'll pull names out of a hat to determine where I go". Since he's #1 his friends
were "encouraging" him towards schools beyond him. He wanted to apply to
Stanford...he is not Stanford material (and I can say that since I'm his mother)
and it ended up he didn't apply...his choice, not mine. He just had no interest in looking for schools,
we visited one school and the presentation was horrendous (some people
walked out...and this is a top ranked university) and after that he had no interest in visiting anymore schools. He applied to 6 (said school included)
and now we wait to see where he's accepted and then visit. Someone let
me know I'm not alone with this.</p>
<p>My daughter was "stealth" into the process. She thinks researching is an utter waste of time, and would include asking questions, E-mailing profs, and attending classes as researching. She would not look at this website until after she was accepted. Her research consisted of receiving a copy of PR's 351 Colleges with the pages (courtesy of Mom) of all colleges that scored 90 or above in academics marked, and a few 88-89 schools in our general area. In the spirit of not influencing her, (other than she had to start somewhere, and Dad and I weren't going to pay for a school that even the students didn't think had top notch academics) all schools were marked, including everyone's personal favorite, Deep Springs. She made a list of about 10, we visited most of them. I proceeded to research them to death, while she complained about the tidbits I uncovered. She dropped a few for incomprehensible reasons, added a couple of safety schools for very good reasons. She did her apps ignoring most of the advice given on this website, finished early (Nov 28), applied ED and was accepted, despite all of Mom's angst.
I realized how much she had invested in the process when one of the GCs who watched her look up her ED result on the Internet at school described the look of total relief that came over her after getting in. Within 48 hours of being admitted, after her clarinet solo was over too, she became a different person, a person I honestly hadn't seen since she signed up for her first ACT.</p>
<p>When I was getting ready to leave High School I had never looked into any schools, my grades were subpar (I had a 3.1, I scored a 1000 on the SAT, had no AP or honors, all I had going for me was some very good EC's) and I knew I was doomed to a community college. My parents had also accepted this fact, so college was not really a big issue. We all assumed I'd do my time in the CC and then move onto a Cal State (CSUN to be more specific) school... That was 2 years ago...</p>
<p>Since then I have substatially changed my grades (I've got a 3.9 GPA now) and have decided that I can do better then a Cal State. I think my parents are honest in a sense shocked. Last year when I really got serious about my future, they were just kind of dumbstuck, I'm the oldest in the house and in the matter of a few months wen't from wanting to go to CSUN to either Cal or UCLA, a major change. Honestly they really did not know how to help me that much, and for the most part I did all the research on my own. Of course, they've supported me, but my college search has very much been my own thing. As I've done I've helped them, and think they will be much more active when my sisters reach this point, simply because now they know what it is like. </p>
<p>I've learned a lot from having to do this on my own however and am glad that I have had to go though it somewhat alone. After looking at tons of schools I have learned that simply being average (despite what people on this site would ever say, nearly everybody who posts on this site is far beyond average) does not cut it. I find it funny how many people I know at my CC who have GPA's well under the 3.0 mark that think they're going to be going to UCLA or USC next year. Overall I really am glad that I was so involved seeing this is my life, however this is just one persons opinion. Am I in the norm, or is this process typically something the parents do and the student just nods and agrees happily?</p>
<p>MY S was not too invested initially but by the end was very involved. I remember leaving college books out on the breakfast table and being thrilled when he would leaf through one. By the end he knew every statistic about Pomona and was quite knowlegable about different colleges.. My D's interest and investment in the whole process grew considerably too over time. She even on her own decided to take the SAT a third time to get her score over 1300. I would never have dreamed suggesting it. It is a growing process for them regardless of the results. Just the skill learned from the 1st interview to the last is amazing to see. and the ability to chat with reps and coaches on the phone. The process is a rite of passage.</p>
<p>My son wasn't really into the "college shopping" thing. When I initially suggested looking over the apps of potential colleges during the summer (to get a feel for what they wanted) he told me that was what Christmas break was for and nobody would be doing apps before Christmas. Then he said "I'm going to get into a good college Mom, just Chill!" We visited a few schools last spring at the suggestion of his counselor....just to spark the interest and get a feel for a campus. At first, he liked every school we visited...never really excited...but liked them enough. He later decided that he hated them all. Then we booked the New England trip in late summer....and he seemed to have a better feel for what he liked and disliked....but I realized that his mind was made up about HYP before seeing them....so we spent a night in Cambridge and never saw Harvard....took a driving tour of Amherst because he didn't want to walk the campus.....etc.....he was pretty bored by the whole thing - tours, info sessions, etc. I don't think he ever really got to understand what schools were great/good/not so good/competitive, etc......here's an example of a conversation we had just before the ED acceptance came in...</p>
<p>Me: I hope you're sure about Penn. I still think Stanford would have been a nice fit for you as well. (we had discussed Stanford before-but never visited)
Him: Is it a good school?
Me: (frustrated that he had no recollection of prior Stanford discussions) Uh, YEAH! Really good....and lots of success with black students...like 12% black.
Him: Cool.....but, (then sarcastically) TOO LATE NOW! (and he laughed)
Me: If you don't get into Penn we're going to visit Stanford
Him: If I don't get into Penn, can you do the rest of my apps?....puhleeze! (joking)</p>
<p>See....some kids just aren't into the whole "shopping" thing. I think I recall previous threads discussing that boys have more of an issue with this than girls. Honestly, I really think he sees this as more of a nuisance than anything. Life is great.....and here comes this college choice thing to mess up my day.....I know he's excited about college and taking the next step in life...but the whole "choice" thing didn't excite him. </p>
<p>Kids get a whole lot thrown to them at once....then turn 16...get a drivers license...a car....lots of freedom....in my son's case he got a serious girlfriend...they've mastered high school and how to manage their grades/time....social life is excellent.....for many of them being 17-18 is really cool....... Then along comes the college choice.....and the pressure.....and I don't blame those of them who would rather just enjoy being 17 a little longer. But, that's life. We always have to think and plan ahead....several steps ahead.</p>
<p>My son was very involved. He tackled the apps and essay with vengeance and got them done much quicker than anyone I have ever seen. Then his lack of organization came into play, and things degenerated quickly. He was all over the place with his apps and essays and audition plans. He had completed 30 applications in his manic period. We had to go through the schools one by one, and get them on a chart which was pure torture for him. This is very typical of the way he operates. He works like a fiend and does an outstanding job while the project has his interest, but once he reaches a point where it is tedious and needs tracking and organization, he throws his hands up and leaves it a mess. I was amazed at the quality of the work he did, his apps were some of the best I had seen, but appalled at some of the carelessness in there as well. He followed little of my directions and had applied on line with essays pock filled with mistakes and some essays best left out. When it came to scheduling and making appointment commitments, I took over, as what he started was a disaster, a mess I am still straightening out and has cost me a tidy sum. </p>
<p>Though for some of the things, he acquiesed to my demands, there were some things he insisted on keeping as is, and in the end it paid off as he was accepted EA to Yale. I would not have thought he had a chance.</p>
<p>Neither of my kids was very involved. They weren't interested in doing stuff before the summer before their senior year. And so they did very little, except, of course, for all the string of tests that they had to do.</p>
<p>Even so, my son had other priorities, namely his deep involvement in debate, virtually the whole year (debate camp 3 summers). I couldn't get him to read any of the college guidebooks. He didn't want to be bothered with it. But we had a few conversations about the types of schools he might be interested in (schools where they don't look down on you if you like to think), and we came up with a list of schools, most of which he did not visit until after he was admitted (and never did visit one of them). Because his grades were excellent, his ACT and SAT's were stellar, and he had fine EC's (championships in debate, awards in journalism and math), he never got worked up or worried about where he was going to go to college. He would have been happy with his main in-state safety (UMich). He got his applications in -- all RD only -- at the last minute, except for the rolling admissions ones. Once he was admitted to places, he made a couple of visits and then made his choice (UChicago) rather calmly. It fit all his criteria academically and was in a major league city.</p>
<p>For my daughter, the process was different because she had to do a lot more to get ready for applications. Namely, she had to prepare a portfolio because she was mainly applying to art schools. And so in addition to all the tests -- ACT and SAT -- she was anxious about the process, and also making sure that she held up her grades. Still, several of the places she applied to she applied "blind." We made one big college visit swing in summer after junior year; that was the only time she visited colleges prior to applying. But once all the (all RD) applications and portfolios were in (last one on Feb. 15), and her first semester grades proved to be excellent, she was worn out. In some ways the acceptances (all applications were successful) were an anti-climax, and the decision was easy to make in April.</p>
<p>i threw out most of the stuff that was mailed to me, researched a few schools, scheduled visits with a few, my parents and i went to them, i ended up applying to 2 of the 4, got accepted to both, chose which one to go to.. and now i'm ready to graduate.. one more semester.. yay :)</p>
<p>My parents were hardly involved, except as a sounding board. I researched all on my own over mostly spring of junior year and the fall of this year (I worked at a residential camp all summer, and on the days I had off, researching was the farthest thing from my mind. Sleep was all that mattered.) I did my ED app alone, barely letting my Mom proofread before it was in the mail. Then I finalized my remaining list and got working on the rest... I found out the requirements for all my colleges; I decided that I had to take the SAT II's... </p>
<p>Looking back now from the lofty vantage point of being finished, :) I really identify with Makinaw (or kids, anyway). I just wasn't really interested until it came down to "Oh no! I graduate in a year! That is not a very long time from now..." and I faced pressure. Other than making sure I took my PSAT and SAT, my parents gave me complete independence. I think they were thinking that if I couldn't handle apps on my own, I wasn't ready for college... Visits, other than to my ED, were not financially or organizationally possible, especially as we moved in late March.</p>
<p>Am going through it a third time with my youngest. Process has been different with each.</p>
<p>Oldest had outstanding GPA, test scores and extra curriculars. My husband and S went on New England/Middle Atlantic college tour spring of junior year. S was accepted EA to first choice and never looked back. I don't even recall proofing his essays which had been written for assignments, school newspaper, etc. Only thing:
first choice school called after he submitted application -- S had forgotten to submit
check for application fee!!</p>
<p>Second kid was/is rebel. Had a definite interest/passion so choice of schools was limited. Husband and I took him at different times to look at various schools but he seemed sullen, disinterested, bored. He had first choice, a school where had done a summer program. I took over bookkeeping and nagging him about doing applications, one a weekend. I insisted they all be done by Dec. 1 or else no ski vacation in December. Luckily he was admitted to ED school.</p>
<p>Third kid is a junior and went in fall with husband to see New England schools. Because of his spring activities, he will not be able to look at more schools till summer. He has no clue re: location, size, possible major, etc. Right now he seems very disinterested in the entire process. We keep emphasizing that this is HIS choice and decision NOT OURS so he needs to get more involved. I think he feels stressed out over junior year with PSATs, SATs, college tours, etc. even though I warned him last year that 11th year is a tough year. I think he wants to remain a kid and not deal with any of this stuff.</p>
<p>My daughter, a junior, goes in and out in terms of her involvement and interest. Sometimes she gets into research about specific colleges, sometimes she just kind of ignores the whole process. I think that's pretty normal.</p>
<p>My daughter resisted the process completely. While visiting family at Thanksgiving in Boston during her junior year we took her up to Tufts to look at the campus figuring that with no students there would be less pressure---she cried. After 20+ college visits, many of them drive bys, she settled on the last college she visited and will graduate this spring.</p>
<p>I feel better now. I thought all the kids/parents on this board were totally into this process and had happy family outings to select just the "right" school. I'll never forget our first campus visit with D, now a soph at Rice. It was to Lawrence in Appleton, WI. H and I jumped through hoops to travel from TX to Michigan to collect D at her boarding school, travel on small planes through Chicago to Green Bay, rent a car etc. D was a surly brat the entire time. She thought the kids at Lawrence were nice, but hated Appleton and Green Bay and didn't think the school was good enough for her either musically or academically. Of course, this total waste of her time was MY fault! She did better on the spring break tour that year- Oberlin, Cleveland Institue of Music and Indiana. The June trip to Rice was spent with her acting like she hated spending time with us. I had to keep my mouth shut at Rice since I figured out in about 30 minutes that it was the right place for her. She figured it out 7 months later on her audition trip. She did all her applications herself- I never even saw one. I wanted to read the essays but she wouldn't let me. She was very organized, but never seemed as excited about the whole thing as I was.
S is a junior now and I have become obsessed. I can't get him to look at the big college books, even though I marked the pages for him. I think he gets on the websites, but won't admit it to me. He seems to think it will all work out, and tells me he is sick of me talking about college all the time. He knows we have to make visits over spring break.
You all should read the HILARIOUS book by Hank Herman "Accept My Kid, Please". It is a quick read and we can all relate.</p>
<p>I didn't want my mom involved. I took care of emailing professors and writing applications, and I involved my dad when I needed a check (which was very kind of him) or a proofreading. I wound up applying to 16 schools "by myself." It couldn't have gone more smoothly.</p>