<p>Carolyn, how much are the monthly fees? Looks very nice.</p>
<p>Carolyn, I just followed the link out of curiosity since I have been down this road as well and See we were right! After college, work, babies, teenagers, grandparenting....the next phase!</p>
<p>Kendal's Admission Process</p>
<p>....A few of our 222 residences are now available and Kendal on Hudson is accepting applications from those who are interested in being considered for admission immediately or in being placed on the Ready List for some time in the future.</p>
<p>A note from the other side, sort of:</p>
<p>My D got into the school she hoped for, got some merit money, and was thrilled to head off to a top public, very excited. Everything was great, when my friends kids were homesick, my D was enthusiastic. After about 6 weeks, she decided, it's "fine classes are fine, but she does not appreciate the public school not wanting to teach the kids everything, but rather trying to weed out half the class! Her grades are fine, roommates are fine, campus job is fine, sports are fine, but it's not "fun." :eek:</p>
<p>She has been homesick ever since, but while partially she is homesick for home & family, she is also missing that wonderful environment, caring teachers, and class group from HS. Some of her angst is the passing of a wonderful time which, which cannot be recreated. This will just take time. The other issue, as I see it, is that she has always been slow to transition, yet buys in 100% once she has adapted. She changed schools for high school and it took months before she was having a good time, so we are counseling patience.</p>
<p>I post this for all the people reading this thread about kids having great times and wondering why their kid is not, yet not wanting to post, but feeling sad, disappointed for their child, and let down. I remember reading the posts a few years ago, when older D ended up at her safety, and I felt so badly for her, not having the wonderful "dream" experience so many kids here were having. But here is D2 at the dream school, top 20, yadayadayada, and still having angst. </p>
<p>So, if things are not as wonderful for your child as you'd hoped, be aware:
A} Even at their dream school, some kids are not having a dream experience.
B} Even at their safety, kids can end up having a "dream" experience, with the right attitude and a little luck.
C} When you or your kids hear how wonderful life is for their friends, in some cases it is true, in some cases, it is the "Christmas letter syndrome" yes, the good stuff is true, but they leave out the bad stuff and SOME people MAY exaggerate the good stuff (okay, we all know who on our list writes this Christmas letter!! ;) )
D} Some kids need to vent their frustrations to their family, some dont, your kid may be having as good a time as their friends, but using you as a safe venting resource more.
E} Remind your kid, attitude is everything, you are where you are, you can have as good a time as you make up your mind to have, so even if you want to change for next year, try to make this year as good as you can, you may end up liking it!</p>
<p>Oh Somemom - that brought back a couple of memories! There are 2 solutions for her angst - one is time, when that "half" of the class has been weeded out, or moved on to some other major, the learning experience may be dramatically different, although if the school is a big, bureaucratic public school, it may remain as such! Secondly, involvement in an EC with lots of "her" people will cure some of that angst, too.
Your advice is very real, and we should list some of the bad with the good!</p>
<p>Great post, somemom. Great, great post. Thank you.</p>
<p>Somemom, </p>
<p>We are with you. I posted about my D discovering alcohol. I can't give the details without compromising her, but I can tell you although SHE is having a wonderful time, the college experience has been "sobering" for the parents. Nothing apparently serious, just so different from HS years.</p>
<p>We all do eachother a favor when we drop the "Christmas card letter" (love that term) just enough to let everyone know we all have bumps in the road.</p>
<p>With three teens, I see and hear alot. One of the things that gets my goat is that there is always, in our town at least, a hugh "popular" crowd in every class. They all have the big parties, etc, etc., My kids, although having a ton of friends and having a ton of fun, were never in any of these "popular crowds". After careful observation, it occurred to me that many of these kids held on to the safety and security of each other year after year. My kids always went out and made new friends, tried new adventures, etc., etc., In each and every different kids' three grades, what every the popular group of girls and boys were, clung together. I once told my D that the girls in that crowd reminded me of a bunch of caught crabs in a bucket, just clawing at each other trying to get to the top, only to be brought down by each other, and the whole process starts over and over.</p>
<p>So, here it is my first child is off to college, and WHAT DO YOU KNOW! The report back is that these popular clingers, can't make it on their own (at least not yet) and are miserable, as the kids who always had to be adaptable, innovative, etc, and etc., are doing very well. In fact, to take it one step further, there were at least five different groups of kids who went to the same colleges together. roomies and all. Can you imagine? Will they always need that security blanket? One kid even comes home every few weekends to see his girlfriend......and he is a five hour drive......and his parents have to get him because he isn't allowed a car. Insane!</p>
<p>But, hey....to each his own.</p>
<p>MP:</p>
<p>I have warned my D that whilst she had an incredible HS experience, because she bought into everything offered 100%, she cannot be a Bruce Springsteen bemoaner of those "Glory Days." It is time to move on and make new glorious memories.</p>
<p>I do think that kids with really close HS friends need to be reminded that it took years to develop those relationships and finding new best friends will also take time and energy.</p>
<p>Oh, and in all fairness, I must mention the very nice BF is about a 25 hour drive away from D, and they are still trying to be going strong, that is a biggie pulling her emotionally back, much as I would like to think it is us :D</p>
<p>I wonder if any GF-BF situations make it past the first year apart when far away?</p>
<p>Somemom, I actually think that your daughter's experience is probably closer to the norm. Most kids seem to have such high expectations about the 'college experience' that it is inevitable that they will be disappointed. It is work, after all, to take and succeed in a challenging academic program. Most of life is not about living happily ever after -- so I would guess that college doesn't always live up to what kids want. I fully expected that my quiet, science/music kid would feel out of it at ANY college, and I spoke with him at length about it over the summer. I told him that he should expect to be somewhat lonely, and maybe unsure of himself, for at least the first quarter, or maybe even the first year. I think we just got lucky that he is so happy -- I think that even in a different dorm, that might not be the case. And, just to prove that you can never please a mom, I now worry about what kind of expectations our younger son has about college. I don't want him to think it's normal to be SO happy so soon. Argh!!!</p>
<p>Alumother - stay tuned for Off to College time (late August) when I post about DS' "discovery" of alcohol. I am saving it for then, as this is another danger time for the kids (and us parents of kids) who did not discover or get into it during their hs years. We only learned of DS' discovery two months after the fact, but it was beyond sobering. </p>
<p>Yes, we owe it to each other I think - as the wonderful cyber-support parenting group we all are - to move outside the Christmas Card Letter boundaries when we have something important to tell.</p>
<p>great post, somemom.
In spite of a positive experience, our kid has had his homesickness, his gripes, his winter doldrums, his share of disappointing professors and classes. I just take those as a given, and write about the upside because I have been so surprised at what a generally happy experience he's having -- given how miserable I was through much of college, especially first year.</p>
<p>Of course, he's also aware he chose the "high-price spread" when he could have gone to some great public universities. I won't say that he filters out the bad news, but that I allow for an element of justifying his choice.</p>
<p>I share the alcohol concern, by the way.</p>
<p>MommyPain, H and I have told our kids (neither has ever been in the coolest clique, though S2 is definitely more social) that it's best not to peak too soon. Some kids seem to live a perfect life in HS -- perfect car, perfect GF, perfect vacation, whatever. I hope that HS is NOT the best four years of my sons' lives -- not even college should be that, in my opinion. So the kids who seem to be so popular are having an unbeatable experience, it seems, and there's nowhere to go but down.</p>
<p>I am still waiting to get the real story from DD to post - but I can tell she seems happier in college, she did not have the super high school experience - I really think that matters, because if as SJmom says everything has been "perfect" how do you know how to make your own way? How do you appreciate what you have?</p>
<p>D loves Smith. She says..."so much better than hs..I am taking classes I like/interested in; people do not treat you as a freak because you are different; or are interested in quirky subjects." Although miss her terribly, she appears to have found herself...has been cast in 4 different theater productions (one at one of the five colleges); and is maintaining same grades as in hs...at least so far. Now I just need to get over the aching loneliness (on my part) when she or I leave from a visit</p>
<p>I, too, am grateful for the un-Christmas-card-letter postings. As I said way back on page one, my son's Tulane-Cornell experience has been rough for all the obvious reasons, and I'm not entirely sure how he's doing except that I know he'll do better once he's back at Tulane. I know he's doing some drinking, but I believe him when he says he's being safe about it, so I sleep at night. </p>
<p>One thing that calms me is that the culture--at least the one around him--is such that drinking and driving is treated with great contempt, so there's no worry there. Also, he spent enough time in high school "taking care of" stupid people who drank while he watched not to want to make himself sick repeatedly. At least that's what he tells me, and I choose to believe him.</p>
<p>What else can I do? He certainly LOOKS healthy.</p>
<p>SamAtty: I think your phrase "aching loneliness" is perfect.</p>
<p>Symom2329: I like your caution to your kids of "peaking too soon." My own kids were quirky outsiders in h.s. Because they didn't have ties, they both went far away to school. It's been a good experience, but I sometimes worry. If every virtue has its defect, then I sometimes see in them an excess of self-reliance. They each have friends, but both enjoy--perhaps prefer--their own company.</p>
<p>ctymomteacher..your son has been through a real wake up life experience (Katrina aftermath) that may add depth and dimensions to his life and world view forever, although it is not what any one of us dreamed of for our college freshmen I am sure. What a year.
somemom: Excellent cogent post that should go in our Must Read CC Post files. Great advice
Cangel's point that the more specialized courses will also likely be more intimate is quite right, too. And can being separated from a first strong love skew everything. Yes. Yes. And often.<br>
I described my S as Slammed by the Happy Train and much more social than in HS, and that is all true. Not sure where the study hours are being built in to this new age just yet!! Some kids socially peak a bit later for various reasons but one reason is that he likes the conversation among his new peers at college immensely. No one sneers if you have passions at college. He admires their passions and they support his.
Re alcohol ..waiting for rumbles when Rush starts, and may know nothing. Unless something bad happens, why would he tell me anything at all. Who knows till you get to those parties and we all can only hope for judgment to win over other things when 19.<br>
I know of a girl who got the date rape drug dropped into her drink already at a large state U. When she showed up at her dorm amnesiac and sick, her GFs finally called 911 (after an hour debate!). We have had those explicit talks. The ones about "don't step over any bodies of friends or even strangers quote sleeping it off unquote." Don't debate the 911 call due to fear of reprisals. Don't stand on balconies of creaky buildings with 40 kids who are drinking (sorry...UVa and Va Tech Balcony deaths). Don't walk alone at night. My godson would be dead now if his roommate had not called an ambulance and realized he was not just sleeping it off.</p>
<p>"I wonder if any GF-BF situations make it past the first year apart when far away?"</p>
<p>Daughter met a guy between her junior and senior year of high school at a pre-college program. She lives in mid-Michigan and he lives in Chicago. They finally decided they were "boyfriend-girlfriend" in April of their senior year. He is now a sophomore in at a college in Pittsburgh and she is in Decatur, IL. And they are going strong. Talking engagement rings. Spend hours talking every night on the phone. Every sentence seems to start with "Greg says". (gets nauseating after a while . . .)</p>
<p>Somemom, thanks for your post and I hope that your D feels better about her university soon. </p>
<p>A couple things, I think you are so right to mention that some kids need to vent on their parents and others don't. My D is that way. She just needs us more emotionally and we always know every little nuance to her moods. I'm sure it will be the same when she goes to college in a few years. With S, he holds everything inside. He seems genuinely happy about his school but I'm sure there have been frustrations and disappointments; he just hasn't shared them with us. </p>
<p>Also, S really didn't believe me when I said all those years that he would be happier in college than high school. So I don't think he built up the university experience before he got there; in fact, he looked downright miserable the night before we dropped him off. He was already missing his close friends. But I think the reduced expectations might have helped him let go of high school a little. And of course, he doesn't have a girlfriend back home.</p>
<p>As for peaking socially. Very true. D is a born socialite with many friends of all kinds since preschool. S was miserable in middle school and beginning of high school. So different from peers. That he is blossoming now, finally, is such a relief because there were days when I prayed he would find just one good friend. That he now is comfortable and finding his niche in a giant university is still sort of shocking to me. </p>
<p>Right now, I could write the glowing Christmas card, but for years it has been otherwise, so I do sincerely feel for the parents whose kids are not as happy as they could be or have been.</p>
<p>Hey, SamAtty...good to see another Smith parent chiming in. My sophomore really likes all the first-years that she's met. Small sample size, I know.</p>