<p>Alumother, does your D know my S? Sounds like they must at least have some friends in common. I tried to pm you but you appear to have that function disabled.</p>
<p>Dizzyson came home from TGiving and it was the best of all worlds. He appears to be thriving at Princeton, but was touchingly happy to see his brother, his room, his cat and us (I think in that order) and it was also nice to see how all his far-flung high school friends managed to find each other during the brief holiday and catch up. There was even a lunch reunion of one of their classes with a favorite teacher.</p>
<p>He is smitten with his team, teammates and coach. Bleeds orange and black, as far as I can tell. Likes his classes. Seems somewhat more vague about his grades than others here, which concerns me, and is extremely reluctant to approach his professors, which I try to remind him is one of the outstanding features of his university choice. Tunes me out, but somewhat more lovingly than before he left for college. Maybe one of us has changed?</p>
<p>I disabled PM after weird messages. Why me? Hmm. Not a question to ask oneself in a public forum:). Anyway, if your son swims, my D's best girlfriend at P is a swimmer, so she hangs out with that crowd. The rowers sort of come in a package due to the eating club they all belong to.</p>
<p>Here's another silly thing. D has gotten sick, bad cold, cough, also got bruised up slipping down some stairs....Anyway, she says McCosh is the greatest place and that she thinks colleges ought to actually talk about their health services because the people have been so nice to her and she thinks it makes a difference for a freshman away from home.</p>
<p>Who knew?</p>
<p><em>Promises herself no more P is so great posts</em></p>
<p>Sorry to hear about your negative pm experience. If you ever decide to enable your pm's, send me one and we will see if our kids have crossed paths.</p>
<p>Hey Dizzymom! Good to hear from you! I also tried to PM Alumother, so I hope you try to turn it on again. PM me if you do. One of cookieson's roommates is also a walk on swimmer, so they may all know each other.</p>
<p>Somemom - Great post! What we sometimes forget is how stressful college is and how much students struggle with social and emotional issues at this age. In a recent survey over 50% of college students reported being stressed or depressed to the extent that it interfered with their functioning during their college years. The same report states that less than half of these students ever seek help through the college counseling centers available on campus. I remember dropping my younger brother off at college a few months after I had graduated myself. My parents were happy to see him going off to college. I cried because I knew that his college years would be stressful and challenging. However, I had forgotten that by the time I dropped my own kids off at school.</p>
<p>Both my kids have had their ups and downs and I mostly get phone calls when they feel stressed out about something and are looking for reassurance. They are both at wonderful schools, but they both tell me that some kids drink too much, some kids play video games too much, and a lot of kids feel stressed out by the workload. Both of them have found that getting exercise and getting involved with an activity that bonds them with other students helps deal with the stress and provides them support..</p>
<p>Son is very happy as a freshman at MIT. We met him in NYC for Thanksgiving. He was glad to see us, but was positively glowing when it was time to go back to school. He is taking one grad level class that he describes as extremely challenging. Doesn't say much about the others except that he'll pass everything (1st semester freshman are on pass/fail). It doesn't sound like he's working very hard in terms of coursework. I feel a little sorry for MIT in one respect. Son was a very high level math and CS competitor in high school, which MIT probably figured he would continue for them. Although he is a math/CS major, he has no interest at all in competing in those things in college. Instead, he is on the ballroom dancing team! He spends 10-15 hours a week practicing (more than he spends studying). He has attended competitions at Harvard and Brown, and will be traveling to Yale this week-end. Apparently MIT is a powerhouse in competitive ballroom dancing. Who would have guessed?!! He is also in a small learning community which gives him a place to hang out and makes him part of a small group of freshmen and faculty who get to know each other well. No GF yet, but it's just a matter of time. He has tons of friends, many of whom are girls, and is socializing up a storm. He's looking at intership opportunities for the summer, including one that would put him in NYC for the summer which he seems kind of excited about. The only negative is that he doesn't like his dorm. It's physically fine. He has a large single and it's well-located. But most of his friends live together in a dorm across campus from where son is living. He's on the waiting list to move there next semester, and we'll find out in a couple of weeks.</p>
<p>Sac - he took some classes as a senior in high school (mom and dad told him that being able to dance is a good way to attract girls). Doing it competitively, and doing so much of it, is new in college.</p>
<p>Wow! Lots of posts in just one day! Lots of very excellent responses to somemoms' concerns. No one wants to see their child unhappy.
First, thanks, as always, Carolyn, for the link. I really do think we should start a separate thread on senior/assisted living. I'll bet a lot of people have a lot of information. We are the sandwich generation and busily taking care of kids and parents.</p>
<p>Somomom-
I am sorry to hear that your daughter has not been super-happy. I do think its particularly hard when you've had an incredible HS experience. It's hard to let go of that comfort zone. There were some excellent threads last year at this time about some adjustment challenges that a few of CC's sons and daughters had. There were a lot of helpful suggestions, ranging from helping the student get connected with some extra-curricular activities to contacting the RA and getting some additional support. Sometimes the college counseling center is the route to go. Everyone handles change differently, and adjustment can be challenging. Hang in there and let her know you love her!</p>
<p>Oh-- and I forgot to mention, my son was active in his college's breakdancing club! (and if I do say so myself, that is about the LAST thing I would have expected). It is fun to watch him spin around on his head! Brown also has a competitive breakdancing club/team. Funny-- MIT- ballroom dancing, Brown, breakdancing. Who'd have guessed??</p>
<p>Thank you, really my D is "fine," every single thing you could describe is fine, she's just not yet found that sparkle of amazement, I know her & know she is slower to adjust, so am not worried, I also know the BF is part of it. She wants incredible and she had incredible in a small HS, now she needs to find it in a new, huge environment. These are all things we discussed and warned her about (and I have not even said "I told you so!") and she knows it will come. In her head, she knows it will take time, in her heart she wants it now. </p>
<p>My main reason to post is for the first-timers who read all the glorious posts from parents who are (deservedly) thrilled with their childs joy in the new experience. Reading them could make you wonder what is wrong with your child's situation, but some kids are simply slower to adjust. And my D1 definitely believed every one's "Christmas letter story" and thought every one of her friends had the perfect situation with no problems whatsoever. There is a great deal to be said for deciding to have a good time and then it happens.</p>
<p>My kids definitely are the ones who call to vent and then forget to let me know when things are better, but I know that and I know that no news is good news, so I don't stress it (any more!)</p>
<p>Somemom-
Glad to hear your d. is doing ok. Since my s. couldn't WAIT to get out of HS (he literally counted the days-- hated the cliques, the immaturity,etc) I think probably any college experience would have shined in comparison. When the opposite is true, its hard to match what you had. Things don't always measure up. As I mentioned to you privately, a good friend of his (the class prez, etc) was very unhappy his first year at Brown. Probably also tough no longer being a big fish in a small sea). Plus, he (the friend) really likes structure, which isnt exactly what Brown is known for. He really wanted Yale, but was one of the casualties of the 2004 "Yale massacre". So, Brown wasn't his first choice, he was going there as an alternative, and just didn't like it. Unfortunately, I don't know how this year is going, so I don't have a follow-up.
BTW, our 2004 "christmas letter" had more bad news than good (tho my s. got into the college he wanted, my mom was very ill and passed away, my dad was later hospitalized, and our beloved dog was in end stage congestive heart failure). You mean we aren't supposed to tell the truth in those letters?? Silly me.</p>
<p>Ballroom dancing? My sons had ballet when they were young and always had starring roles in the Nutcrak and other productions. They were really good and I believe it came down to flag football when they were even littlier and all the plays they had learned. They could run through any complicated sequence on stage with the best footwork.But by 11 they were thinking tennis. Their footwork was so good!</p>
<p>Its interesting to compare the upbeat (mostly) tone of this parent thread to the entries students are writing in the College Life threads..there's alot of homesick,not adjusting well threads over there.Is it a parent vs student perspective? Is it a self selected group who are responding in each case?</p>
<p>Somemom I'm with you. We also waited for our well-adjusted daughter to adjust to life at her college as a freshman. Like your daughter, no misery, but no spark. And like you, as I read all the glowing reports from parents on this forum, I wondered what was wrong with my kid. (Please dont mistake me: Im thrilled that so many are so happy.) We chalked her delayed adjustment to being unable to top a wonderful high school experience. As it turned out, when she came home at Christmas, she told us for the first time that she believed she had made a wrong decision, and that she wanted to transfer. To make a long story short, she did transfer, and she is now a very, very happy sophomore. I think you wind up taking your cues from your kid. She will let you know if the issues are "dealbreakers." But the moral of the story is, if an 18-year-old makes a wrong choice, its not the end of the world.</p>
<p>oops, I came to this thread late and scanned, not realizing it was started with concerns about someone whose child was having a rocky start.</p>
<p>My son is very happy now, but we did have a period about a month into the term when he called and everything was bad (had a cold, brand new screamer computer wouldn't work, wasn't getting enough to eat, hated dorm, rainy weather). All of those things passed, but I fretted for about a month until I saw him for parents' week-end. Even then, we kept asking him things like "Are you sure you made the right choice?" "Are you happy?" He has always said yes to questions like that, but he just isn't very demonstrative. It really wasn't until last week-end when we saw him for Thanksgiving that I could actually see how happy he is.</p>
<p>So perhaps things are better with your daughter than thay appear. Of perhaps next semester will be better when she has settled in and found her niche. Or maybe not. I started out at a college that was a bad fit for me (I hadn't visited). I realized it immediately, and left after one semester. I wasn't miserable or anything, it just wasn't as intellectual an atmosphere as I was expecting from college. I was able to transfer to a much better school the following year and still graduate on time. If your daughter has really made the wrong college choice, she can change it. </p>
<p>Do check the archives for a thread about this last year. Many kids do get off to a rocky start. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are actively unhappy. It may just be that reality didn't meet their visions and it will take awhile to adapt. Please keep us posted on how your daughter is doing.</p>