<p>That’s a well-written essay. However, I do suggest that you write a stronger conclusion. Try to reiterate your thesis in that. And I hear that using the word ‘indeed’ really helps. (Indeed, taking an unequivocal stand helps…) I don’t know the credibility of this, but yes, sounding confident, and emphasizing your viewpoint in the concluding paragraph really, really helps. After all, examiners have only a couple of minutes to go through your essay. It’s not very impossible that the examiner might just rush through your essay, and read only the introductory and final paragraph.
:)</p>