<pre><code>I come from a broken family, a stitches on my forehead, and scars from childhood. Despite my positive views toward my “father,” his violent and irresponsible actions broke the family, I dreamed to be living happily ever after, into millions of micro pieces of rubbish flushed down the toilet. I realized an early age that there were such things as divorce, affairs, and violence. The foreign patch of skin located on the left corner of my forehead contains many whimsical memories and taught me to be careful when locking house door--you never know if anyone might slam it open! Scars engraved in my heart are from my parents’ divorce, relatives’ criticism of my parents’ decisions, betrayal by close friends, and ill-intentioned glances of asian parents. I felt small and unwanted by the world; it seemed as if everything and everyone hated my guts.
I also come from art, my current friends, and working at my mom’s boba shop. In the midst of darkness and despair, the beauty of art pulled me out of my slump. It first spore my love to draw. When I came to USA at the age of 6, I would draw colorful drawings for my classmates--thats how I made friends. Then as I entered high school, my interest changed from drawing and painting to dancing when I was placed into my school’s level 1 dance class. The class I initially signed up to avoid running in the heat in P.E class taught how to view everything artistically--everyone and everything is diverse, nothing is 100% exact--and to accept situations like the flow of dance movements. These lessons helped me accept my situations and move forward in life. Now, I’ve moved up to the J.V level Dance 3 class. My current friends, especially Samantha, always provided me a place to breathe and be myself. They never judged me for who I am, but accepted the real me. It makes me love and treasure them ever more. My experiences of working at a boba shop open me to new doors. Through interacting with customers, it helped me develop my social networking skills. Making boba drinks and cleaning every other day of the week granted me the ability to cook and to keep my surroundings tidy at all time. I feel that keeping my surroundings, especially my room, is important because it makes it easy to find materials needed and the habit of cleaning my room helped me become more organized outside my home. Although I do have some depressing times such as during my junior year, when I was in an identity/career crisis, I pick myself up and move on. I am thankful for my mom for not giving up on me and everything. Without all the experiences and emotions I felt growing up, I wouldn’t be as mature and accepting as I am now. I believe that I can become a better citizen.
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<p>It’s a pretty decent essay overall… However, an article I read on the dailybeast stated that one of the worst (and most cliched topics) is divorce. Although your essay doesn’t focus entirely on divorce, I would just remove that entire portion and go straight into the “art” that impacted your life.</p>
<p>And, for future reference, DO NOT just post your essay openly like this! There is a huge chance that it could be plagiarized by other students!!</p>
<p>Thank you for the advice. Don’t worry. I’m having a lot of teachers and friends proofreading my writing supplements so I’m pretty sure, it’ll be different at the end. </p>
<p>If the divorce had a huge impact on you, go ahead and write it.
I think you need to narrow down the ideas. I felt like you were transitioning into different themes too quick.
For example, I thought you were going to talk about art more but then you moved on to dance without providing real details. It is better to just write about two contrasting events (like divorce and art and how art helped you to overcome the divorce issue) than to almost listing your achievements. </p>