<p>how is this opening paragraph to a world history comparative essay about feudalism in japan and western europe?</p>
<p>Although never in direct contact, western Europe and Japan both used feudalism as a means of control over their empires, beginning in the 6th century in europe, and 12th century in Japan. This decentralized style of government was forged as a result of weak central states that lacked the resources and the bureaucratic experience to effectively rule. Feudalism also impacted social life as it created a system in which the distribution of power largely resembled a pyramid causing land lords to attain more power at the top with peasants having little to no power at the bottom. Economically, feudalism helped lead to urbanization in cities, and larger trading networks.</p>
<p>it’s a good paragraph, but you need to merge your thesis statement to one or two sentences. Btw, your unnecessary placements of comma are grammatically incorrect: comma between “europe” and “and” and “cities” and “and.”</p>
<p>You can read the paragraph below. I don’t like the word ‘impacted’ but it’s your paragraph. Try condensing it too.</p>
<p>Although never in direct contact, Western Europe and Japan both used feudalism as a means of control over their empires, beginning in the 6th century in Europe and 12th century in Japan. This decentralized style of government was forged as a result of weak central states that lacked the resources and the bureaucratic experience to rule effectively. Feudalism also impacted social life as it created a system in which the distribution of power largely resembled a pyramid causing land lords to attain more power at the top with peasants having little to no power at the bottom. Economically, feudalism led to urbanization in cities and larger trading networks.</p>