<p>OLDFORT -</p>
<p>How true!! I also keep getting flashbacks of when my kids were little!! If we could only make time stand still for awhile... Just a little while...</p>
<p>Seems as if I'm in the minority because I think it took me longer than 2-3 weeks to get adjusted. Things got easier, but they didn't get easy. He was one of the those "I need to establish my independence" types and didn't want contact, which didn't help. I was really jealous of those cc parents complaining about girls that called constantly.</p>
<p>My sanity saver was I'd bought family unlimited texting and I learned to text. The only email reply I ever received said "yes"..., but he slowly started to text more and more. Things were better by Thanksgiving and continued to improve throughout the year. He leaves Sunday and it's sooo much better this year, so hang in there if you are a freshman parent!</p>
<p>My oldest went to summer term to get acclimated; it was a great decision as he was anxious to get back and went up a week early. So now I start that adjustment period. I still have one at home who is experiencing teen ups and downs (and right now we are in a downer) and some of that may be as we adjust through new family dynamics with one gone. </p>
<p>I won't kid; it's hard. Way harder for me than my husband. I do have a job - but it's a job not a career. I think what may help me make the adjustment is finding a hobby or something that I love so now I just have to figure out what that is. I should be thankful my college freshman is only 2 hours away and that he is so excited about this stage of my life...but I am still sad.</p>
<p>My oldest S will be starting junior year in college. I think the first year it was easier than I expected it to be because of the breaks listed above--he flew home for each one, and we flew there for parents weekend. And, he spent last summer at home. Then, his sophomore year, he didn't come home March spring break, and then decided to stay at college for the summer because he got a great job. So, we only saw him for a few days in June. This was really hard! I got very teary eyed when he left after Christmas, and now we're all really missing him. But, family cellphone plans, email, and instant messaging are wonderful. Fortunately, he is great about calling and keeping in touch usually. But, it is hard when they get more and more independent--I, too, would love go back to the 'little boy' days and can't believe how fast the time went. I am thankful I still have younger S at home.</p>
<p>Last year, my oldest child went away to college. I remember thinking that the hardest thing was the "goodbye" as we left him at school. But I was wrong. The hardest part was the "adjusting" that I had to do in order to accept the fact that he was no longer going to be a daily physical presence in my life - the family dynamic had changed and that was such a loss for me. It truly is a loss and the feelings that you will feel are so intense - they will overcome you at first. I was so "down" the first few weeks - my friends noticed it in my voice over the phone. But all it takes is that first phone call home when he sounds happy and adjusting to school and making friends - Wow! What a difference that makes - things will seem a bit brighter after that and you realize that your loss is really his gain as he sets out on a new path of making his way in the world.
But just as soon as I found myself adjusting to my new family routine at home with our other children, my son's high school girlfriend of 2 years (who went to the same college as he did) decided to break up with him and he was devastated. I will never forget that 3:00am phone call when he was sobbing at the other end of the phone - absolutely heartbroken. It took all I had not to jump into the car and drive down to school to comfort him. It was heartwrenching. I wanted to jump through the phone and hug him while strangling the girlfriend! That was probably the worst feeling in the world - to not be able to comfort your child in person while his heart was breaking. We talked on the phone for 2 hours that night - and then my husband and I could not get back to sleep after we hung up the phone. I remember the first week after the breakup - he would call every day and sometimes not really say anything. He just wanted to hear the sounds of home and be comforted by them. It was a tough year but he got himself through it - He came home maybe 4-5 times during the first semester (his school is 3 hours away) but he only came home once during the second semester. His experiences at school have made him a stronger person and as much as I miss the adventurous fun-loving "little boy", my son is becoming a very interesting and wonderful adult.
Now, a year later, we are sending our second son off to school and once again, I am overcome with a feeling of sadness and loss. No, the second one is not easier - I don't think it ever will become easy (I have 7 kids). The family dynamic is changing once again and it will never be the same. I will miss my children. I can let go - but I will still miss them. I am anticipating the feelings of sadness though and I know that I will adjust - so that is a good thing.</p>
<p>In a little over a week I will take my oldest son to Boston for his freshman year in college. It is a long trip as we are ex-pats living in Seoul, Korea. I will spend almost a week with him in Boston--helping him get over jet-lag, picking up the bedding we ordered at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, buying more things for his dorm room, maybe even attending an Improv show--something we both love. But then, after he has moved into his dorm, and the Freshman Parents Welcome is over, I will have to say goodbye to my dear, funny, fun-to-be-with 17-year old son, drive to the airport and take that long trip back to Korea. He is so excited about college, and I am very, very happy for him. But I can't imagine what that plane ride will be like or the days to follow with him so far away. I have never done this before. One of life's passages, right? Still, it is going to be hard.</p>
<p>How long? There are as many answers to that as there are posters here on CC! Before D left for freshman year, I was so focused on the actual logistics of getting her to school (buying bedding, filling out endless forms, setting up online accounts, etc) that I didn't really think about what it would be like when we drove away and left her. It was all complicated by us moving about 2 weeks after she left. So, even when she was still home, we were all overcome by nostalgia as we packed and sorted through the artifacts of our family life. We were leaving the home where we raised D & S, and it was so very sad for all of us. And yet, D was so excited and eager for the next phase of her life. How could I not be happy for her? And yet, suddenly she wasn't there every day, chattering away, singing, laughing, crying, and coming in the door from another grueling gymnastics practice. How could I not be sad? No matter how you cut it, it's a tremendous change resulting in a dramatic shift in your family dynamics. We went from a family of 4 to a family of 3 -- and because S is not nearly as outgoing as D, it's a very noticeable change. Plus, there's the whole underlying realization that it's not just about your child going to college -- rather it's knowing that this is the beginning of a whole new phase of his/her life that reaches well beyond school. In so many ways, your job description as a parent has changed -- and change is hard. So how long? No one size fits all answer, BUT, the old cliches are true -- "It gets easier," and "Time heals."</p>
<p>dvk, I can almost feel the sadness in your writing. Yes, sadness, because that is what you feel when you finally say goodbye. I just dropped off my son 2 days ago (first child) and it was hard. I had a 5-6 hour drive following with myself and my daughter. The drive was not that bad but when I got home, all I could feel was sad despite being excited for my son and the new adventures ahead.
Yesterday was not that bad, a little teary here and there. I already went into my son's room and just poked around (it needs to be cleaned!!).
When I finally hear from my son and hopefully hear happiness in his voice, I think I will feel better. (I pray I hear happiness!)
So, hang in there. Know that this is a major passage in life and you (and he) will adjust.
Good luck!!</p>
<p>My S goes off for his Sophomore year next week. He spent most of the summer working at a job at school so was only home 3 weeks at the beginning and 3 weeks now at the end of summer. I still get teary sometimes when I think of him going again. We have such great conversations at the kitchen table at night. That is what I will miss. I was a mess for weeks last Fall. Got to keep busy.</p>
<p>bonmar--Thanks for your kind words. It is good to be able to commiserate with other wistful and a-bit-sad, fellow parents. You hang in there,too.</p>
<p>It's so good to read all of these posts. I started on CC when D was beginning her college search and tomorrow we make the 12 hour drive to drop her off.</p>
<p>All summer I've been seeing moms with little girls and feeling so sad. Where did this time go? My son is a junior at a college an hour away, so he's home alot of weekends, but I just can't imagine life without my little girl.</p>
<p>Guess it's time to let go....</p>
<p>dvk- We're also expats in Asia. I did the long distance drop off last year. The hardest bit for me was saying good bye and driving away from his campus for the very last time. He was so surprised when he realized that I was crying (I was trying to be stoic, but it didn't quite work.)</p>
<p>I also lost it at the airport when checking in for the long flight home. Surprisingly, the flight itself was okay, and I thought it would be awful. </p>
<p>Is he coming home at Christmas? That is only 4 months away.</p>
<p>I wish you good spirits, a fun week in Boston, and hope that he will call home often.</p>
<p>I think bonmar has it on the spot. We miss them!! It IS sad, but it's offset somewhat by the excitement we feel for them. </p>
<p>Once I saw and heard how happy S sounded at college I realized I wouldn't wish for him to be anywhere else, even home with us. It's an exhilarating time for them. I'll even admit that I felt a little bit envious!</p>
<p>And yes, you are lucky to have him so close! Hang in there, it will be OK!</p>
<p>Karens Colleges-- Thanks for your words of support. It is especially hard being so far away, isn't it. But I am looking forward to our time in Boston together, and yes, he is coming home for Christmas!</p>
<p>My son called the other night for the first time from college. He sounded extremely happy and has already met a number of people that he feels he can call friends. That made me sooo happy and relieved. The sadness I was feeling dissipated immensely after that phone call. I know he will be okay.</p>
<p>dvk, I am only 30 or so minutes from Boston. If there is ever anything I can do, in a pinch, please feel free to PM me. Good luck.</p>
<p>I have been reading this thread for several days, laughing and tearing. Well, I just got home from leaving my D at school. She is the last of my 3 children, so I am an empty nest.</p>
<p>I am so sad, and,well, empty. I am told that this will pass and we (yes we ) will feel exhilarated. But tonight I miss her very much. And Monday, when our other two children have gone back to school, I know this house will be very still and empty. And I will have to readjust after 22 years!!</p>
<p>So it is Saturday night and we have just dropped another D off (the first being a first year, yesterday ) This one today is a rising junior. Tomorrow we help our senior S back to school.</p>
<p>Then it is empty nest. Hard to deal. House is quiet and empty. When do we really adjust?</p>
<p>bonmar--thanks so much for your kind offer. You may very well be hearing from me in the future!</p>
<p>I was OK adjusting to S going off 3000 miles to school 2 years ago. He comes home for Christmas break & also for the summer. This October will be the 1st time we stop by for Parents' Weekend. We aren't sure whether he will travel to another country or do an internship in the near future and wanted to go to campus when he's still there.
D will head off to join S in January & we think that will be harder, since she's the more talkative of the two and the one we have spent the most time with (especially in the two years S has been away).</p>
<p>Yes, having them only a 5/6 hour plane ride away helps some, knowing we COULD get on a plane to see them (but really probably won't). It is nice for them that we can bring them home to HI for Christmas and summer.</p>
<p>We are going to have D teach us to use Skype before she leaves. She & her friends are all using it to keep in touch, as they're scattering to campuses all over the place--CA, Nebraska, CT, ME, and elsewhere. I think she'll be a bit lonely this fall & hopefully will plow her energies into schoolwork.</p>
<p>Starting a non-profit & creating & leading a public health project over the past year have kept me VERY busy and changed the dynamic of our lives for the better. It has been very positive for all of us & given the kids a role model of "re-inventing oneself" to follow passions instead of what is comfortable, predictable or expected. It has given them permission to explore & pursue their dreams.</p>
<p>Gosh! It feels good to hear others with the same feelings. Dropped our son off on Tuesday and by Thursday we got the call that he doesn't think this is the place he wants to attend school. It's a big University and his high school "love of his life" attends another smaller school on the other side of the state. Here it is Labor Day weekend and he wants to come home because she's coming home. It's his first weekend at the school, with all kinds of fun activities going on including the first home football game. He hates us at this moment because we won't let him come home and it feels just awful. This is a very smart kid who seems that his brains have turned to mush since he has not seen his girlfriend 5 days. Help!!!!!</p>