Here’s my new retirement plan:
[1/5 of Millennials financially support their parents](1/5 of Millennials financially support their parents, says new survey)
It’s a bit shocking to read this, though.
@notrichenough, when H and I met with a financial adviser-type 20+ years ago, that was one of the questions we were asked: whether we’d have to account for a need to support our parents. We were young enough then that we had no knowledge of our respective parents’ retirement finances, save for knowing their occupations, having grown up in their homes and knowing their then-current lifestyle. We had to make an educated guess.
It’s one of those things that should be asked and answered, eyes wide open.
I agree that talking about finances with our parents is extremely important. Fortunately both my husband and my parents were able to save and plan for the future. They took different paths, but both were able to manage their own finances admirably with conservative lifestyles.
A few years ago both of them entrusted my husband with full disclosure. We were very fortunate with our timing. They were beginning to make questionable decisions that could have proven problematic. At some point, privacy must be replaced with practicality…and for us, we were able to address things before cognitive decline.
That said…don’t ask me about siblings.
I will likely wind up supporting my mom. Hopefully we can get our kids through college first. She gets only a minimal amount of social security, and lost most of her life savings in a real estate deal. (Doesn’t matter that I told her not to do it). I’m hopeful that my kids will pick a good nursing home when my time comes.
@1214mom , it is difficult to watch parents make bad financial decisions. I’m sorry to hear what happened with your mother.
On a lighter note, have you heard this one? 
“Be nice to your daughter-in-law. She’s married to the man who will pick your nursing home.”
Or a less genteel version of the quote.
I’m relying on the fact that I technically won’t have a DIL as a personal exemption from that admonition (we have a D).
@1214mom, wow it’s tough but I think my nephew will have to do similar thing with his parents. Real estate deal went sour.
It’s hard to know how much to calculate for parental expenses. We went to see a financial planner, and he said we are looking much better when it comes to retirement savings than most of the people he sees. But I have my mom, and a step-daughter with mental illness. step-daughter is doing much much better with meds, but it’s still a concern for us. We will likely work an extra couple of years to help compensate.
I think it’s one thing to be in your 50’s or 60’s and supporting your parents in some way as they get very old.
But millenials are in their 20’s and 30’s. I can’t imagine having to provide support to my parents only a few years out of college - basically the age I am now. I can’t imagine my kids having to support me right now in my 50’s.
And 20% of them are doing this!
It’s tough but not all baby boomers made the the right decisions. They are people so duh.
I may need to assist my mother and possibly my brother. I tried to get my mother to sell her house with the really high NJ real estate taxes 10 years ago. She wouldn’t do it for reasons relating to the difficulty of leaving the house she and my father had lived in for many years before he died (they raised us there as well) and one of my siblings who, while he has an apartment, stays there sometimes and has never fully launched (he has a job as a public school music teacher and used to teach private lessons at her house but has stopped the latter and generally seems a bit depressed). She now realizes she has to sell her house. My guess is that this would fund 10+ years of living expenses and she is 91 and completely cogent and physically OK (goes to the gym 3-5 days per week). So I am hoping she doesn’t need my assistance. While my brother qualifies for a pension, there is also some possibility that he will need help as he has a long history of making bad decisions, especially financial ones. While I have other siblings, none currently have the ability to help.
I looked yesterday at possible homes in the Canadian Rockies – my heart lives there. The US/CDN exchange rate is very favorable but I just don’t know if it is practical. I can rent out to a ski family for the winter and mostly want to be there in the summers to hike. My wife has always wanted to live Canada (and she has a lot of relatives 1 hour away from where we were looking. But, it might be isolating for her. I’d like to help her get recognized as one of Western Canada’s best artists (they have not yet claimed her but Canada waits for the US to validate and then reclaims their Canadian-born talent).
I have helped my parents financially enough. My mom just bought a dining room set. One of those styles only somebody over 80 years old could like. Threw away $5,000.
I told my mom, “You run out of money. You are going on Medi-Cal”. (We get along well but I am tired of helping out).
@strawbridge, after your mom sells her house, your mom and brother would stay in NJ?
Does your wife want to live in the Canadian Rockies?
My wife was just in Banff and Jasper. Loved it there.
Oops. I had strawbridge in my mind instead of @shawbridge. Is there a strawbridge on CC?
@dstark, I have encouraged her to look at Florida – the real estate costs are much lower. She is very involved in Jewish life and organizations and there is a fast growing Jewish community there so she would likely know people. But, she has been intimately involved in NJ and has a big community there. My brother doesn’t love his job anymore as far as I can tell – lots of internal politics – and he might move if my mother did. He could even try to teach down there. Their total RE costs would go way down and there would probably be no issue with respect to helping either. But, I think NJ is more likely.
My mother has been subsidizing my brother by staying in a very expensive house for many years and has also occasionally helping pay for some of my niece’s Jewish day school education. In a move to NJ the former subsidy would end. Not clear in a move to FL, but I see the housing costs as so low that she could get a big place if she wanted. In FL, she could more easily continue the second subsidy.
Not clear if there is a strawbridge.
We were in the Lake O’Hara region of Yoho for four days of wonderful hiking. Extraordinary place with emerald green lakes in in the cirques of big mountains with glaciers and a lodge that serves excellent food. Plus some days hiking in Canmore and visiting relatives. The mountains speak to me.
I used to vacation with my wife and I used to drive her crazy. Wherever we went, I would have to check out the real estate.
I told my wife, “We have to buy a place here. No. We have to buy a place here”.
My wife said to me, “We aren’t buying a second place. You freak out when the garbage disposal breaks”.
That’s true. I do. Hate when something breaks.
We never bought another place.
I thought you were going to check out the bay area?
@shawbridge, you have a lot of thinking to do.
I still am chuckling about the conclusion our DD came to when I started talking about two places for dad and me…I her panicking for a minute thinking I am revealing some kind of a parent break up (we are going to downsize and probably have a small place in the north and a bigger place near where we are now) told them dad would never divorce me and vice versa! Not in our DNA. We put up with each other’s flaws pretty well. Plus H knows I am the brain muscle with our finances.
Had our financial update (group presentation by our financial group three professionals) with also an estate planning attorney presentation and a brief CPA presentation. So now I have another person to look at for the estate planning. Got the CPA card because I need to do an amendment on 2014 returns - had a close out of family trust and had a K-1 and 2K-1 and I know I didn’t have them handled right with turbo tax but rather than chase my tail or try to get an answer from non-responsive IRS, spend a little money with a CPA that we may want to establish a relationship with.
Financial guys have a risk analysis ‘test’ called riskalyze (have any of you heard about it?) Built on academic framework that won Nobel Prize for economics in 2002, and give a 95% probability of staying within risk tolerance range of client. They may email it to us before our Tues appt with our financial guy Don to review our accounts.
Have to probably re-check out the library legal guide book from the attorney to review what things I may need to learn about.
Did receive the NOLO 7th edition “Estate Planning Basics” (2013) - there may be a later edition out there, but this will give me the basics…
Learning, reviewing, thinking, planning…
SOS, let me know how about the book. I might need to read it to refresh my memory.
@dstark, yes, lots of thinking to do. Northern California is also in the mix, though it may not be an either or. It is not clear if my wife wants to live that far into the Canadian Rockies. She is very close to her family (mostly in Toronto and Calgary but some in Vancouver and Montreal). She would welcome the opportunity to live in Canada, but knows that the art community in Calgary would likely not be adequate for her (probably in all of the cities) and certainly wouldn’t be strong in the mountains themselves. The RE agent we were talking to, when we said she was an artist, started talking about the local galleries but then apologized the next day after looking at my wife’s website that she was suggesting things that she was well beyond (my wife has had over 20 one-person shows and her work is owned by all of the museums in our metropolitan area, etc.) But, she’s going to apply for an artist’s residence in the Rockies (she had one when she was in art school (or just before she left for the US). A major gallery owner in Toronto told her that to rise to the top in Canada, she either could play the old boy network for 20 years or go to the States, make it there, and then Canada would happily claim you. I think she’d be very happy to be claimed.
I don’t recall who was looking at bequeathing an IRA to a trust. As @AttorneyMother said, it is tricky. For my father, we used a guy who was an expert in this – he wrote articles in law journals explaining the issue and my sister, a tax lawyer in charitable giving, found him. Even if you get it right (as we did), it isn’t simple. For example, not all mutual fund companies can handle tax exempt vehicles in a trust and people forget about the required minimum distributions and get confused about whose age to use in figuring out the RMDs.
Once we have our overall legal plans in place, I will discuss with nephew - he is in law school in another state, but he can at least tell me how things would be structured in his state and he can perhaps give me discussion points with our attorney. Since he was the top of his class in 3 of the 5 subjects (and a well respected law school) I think he can give me good advice or steer me in the right direction He is working/interning for a judge and a law firm in a small town/small county, so he is getting a taste of some of the routine/mundane issues that come up.
@shawbridge wow - wonderful about shaw-wife being so artistically talented! I am sure your family is pleased and proud of her work.
dstark - Arggggh … I feel your pain. Those dated dining room sets that appeal to your mother are a dime a dozen on Craiglist.
@shawbridge, Wow! Your wife is accomplished! I think the problem of trying to find a place is a nice problem to have.
Of course, I wouldn’t know. Drawing stick figures might be too much for me.
I went to Schwab to add a trust as the beneficiary of my ira. Schwab did not like the idea. I looked into it. It’s not necessary. I am not planning to add the trust.
@colorado_mom, yeah. I argued with my mother for months. But she wanted the dining room set. She investigated. Found what she wanted. Showed me the photo. Makes her happy. It’s going into the trash someday.