She is not doing you any favors by ruling out the community college option (in NJ, probably about $4,000 to $5,000 annual tuition, plus books, plus living and home and commuting costs; relatively expensive, but still significantly less than the cheapest four year school on your list; see http://njtransfer.org/ if you go this route) and not telling you what she will contribute.
It is best to avoid needing any parent loans or student loans beyond the federal direct loans.