<p>I'm just floored by the amount of parents that actually allowed their child to cross a school off the list because of intuition or gut feeling. My parents would laugh that notion off and just make me go to whatever school is ranked highest on that infamous US News list.</p>
<p>Seriously, I got rejected from American earlier this week, and I made the offhand comment that I wouldn't have really wanted to go there anyway, because when I visited, DC seemed too lifeless for me, personally, and the atmosphere wasn't that great. </p>
<p>My parents retorted with the fact that I shouldn't care about the atmosphere, the people, or the city - I'm there to study and the programs/prestige of the school is the ONLY thing I should be thinking about.</p>
<p>That makes me worried for when all my decisions have come in and I actually have to choose between a couple schools. If they don't agree with my choice, then they'll make me go to the school they think is best.</p>
<p>I mean, I obviously didn't realize how out of touch I am in terms of how people choose their schools, because based off of my parents, I never thought a simple thing like "gut feeling" would EVER be used as a real reason to say yes or no to a college. But on the other hand, it's so important! I'm not just going to be studying at these places, I'm actually going to be living there for four years.</p>
<p>Interestingly, I come from completely different parents. Their attitude is so laid back to the point where I start getting mad and ask them to help me more but they claim they are too preoccupied with work and what not. Dont get me wrong, they care deeply about where I go to school, however, they think it is a choice that I have to make and they can only guide me with. Their advice is to pick the school that we can afford (financially, we are really struggling), where i would fit in best with the people, and would prefer that i go to a place that is driving distance from home. They dont even follow what schools are top ranked, in their eyes, everything is a “good school”. I really wish that they would be more involved, for my entire high school life has been me having to motivate myself because they would never push me to do well. Luckily I have enough self motivation to take all AP’s and maintain a 97 gpa. </p>
<p>I dont even know how to give you advice for your college decision because I have no idea what its like to have parents who make decisions for you (I actually wish they would sometimes). I think that you should really try to convince them about the school you want to go to (if there is one). The thing i find that works best is saying “how do you expect me to ever go out on my own if you wont let me make my own decisions?” it works with my parents but then again i cant tell if its that im extremely manipulative or they give in easily. Goodluck!</p>
<p>Happykid knows our budget. Any school that she liked that fell within that budget was OK. Her list was very short, but she is happy, and none of us will be broke when she graduates.</p>
<p>I am a firm believer in gut feelings. Last campus we toured we weren’t on campus 5 minutes, hadn’t even checked in with admissions and I looked at DD and said “well, what do you think” knowing full well it wasn’t right-she said “no way”. We continued with the tour because we were there hoping that maybe something would change our minds, but it didn’t.</p>
<p>I also know that for DD, where ever she lands she will be just fine, however, I want her to be somewhere she wants to be too. For our DS, fit comes more through the programs they have and we haven’t looked at any schools with him that don’t have those programs. He did a visit at one school and was totally turned off by the staff and tour guide but academically and socially he would fit in great but he won’t apply there now, and I don’t blame him at all.</p>
<p>Like MindySue though, it will come down to money in the end. We haven’t crossed off any schools because of money because until you get your aid package, you really don’t know how much a school will cost. They have a few financial safeties in the mix so we are good there. One financial safety is also DS’s 2nd choice and with his #1 being a lottery school, he will probably end up at his #2 so that is good all the way around.</p>
<p>I am a believer in gut feelings, too. There was an outstanding LAC that both H and I <em>really</em> wanted our son to like (Haverford). We toured it, he didn’t like it - he just had a feel. We actually flew him back to tour it another time with relatives who live in the area. Nope, he still didn’t. He just didn’t have the right feel. We swallowed our like for the school (which we still think highly of) and moved on.
Why would I send him someplace where he didn’t have a sense that he had found his tribe or his people? This is 4 years of his LIFE. That’s about as goofy as “making” him date a girl because she ranked higher in a beauty contest than another girl, even if he prefers the company of the second girl.</p>
<p>Don’t tell me, sigh, let me guess, your parents are from another country and they don’t understand that the USNWR ratings are to be used to be squinted at, not to pretend that there is some major difference between (say) #9 and #18. We’ve heard the story a million times on CC.</p>
<p>You have the ability to use the U.S. News List and your intuition, but if you only had access to one, I would choose intuition over the USN List.</p>
<p>However other parents may handle school choice with their kids does not really matter, as the parents with whom you have to deal are yours! I know a number of people who are stuck on the USNews ranking and their own perceptions, that nothing is likely to change their minds. I know some that feel that religious schools, commuter schools, small schools, the State Us are the only way to go , and they won’t budge from there either. It was no coincidence that Romney’s 5 sons all went to Brigham Young. So it is in a number of families. </p>
<p>I know several families where the dads will not pay for more than tuition at a local (but reputable and highly rated) state u unless the other schools are ivy or other selective school that THEY know. Forget Harvey Mudd or Colorado College. And what the heck is Bowdoin or Wesleyan? Maybe, they’ve heard of Amherst. </p>
<p>I’ve let my kids choose, and it’s not always been the right choice. I have one depressed and unhappy right now for the very reasons I was afraid he would be depressed and unhappy. An introvert is going to have trouble making friends at a large OOS university. But that was his choice. It’s not as though intuition is such a great thing. My dear friend who let her daughter choose is now being bothered by the transfer app. Yes, her DD got what she wanted and it’s all wrong. A large number of kid who transfer or drop out are at their first choices. </p>
<p>If parents are adament about what they will “buy”, you gotta go by their rules. It’s their money. Or you can go yourself. My nephew has a NROTC scholarship, has earned and saved enough money to pretty much pay the remainder and he can tell his parents to “Go FIsh” if he so chooses. Otherwise you have to toe the line. It’s the Golden Rule.</p>
<p>I think it’s important for a prospective student to own the choice and take responsibility for it, within the family’s financial limitations. Yes, students can choose the wrong school. But I’m not so confident anymore that I know what will make my 18-year-old happy better than she does. Life is full of high-stakes choices that could go wrong. College is one of the first that many kids have to make. And it’s not irrevocable. I don’t want my D to choose the school that I would like and then blame me for being unhappy there.</p>
<p>That said, there are schools I would not pay one red cent to have my kid attend. And I’m not sure I could really justify my aversion on rational grounds.</p>
<p>Applying was simply about what they were drawn to – based on visits, or research, or gut reaction. Of course schools that didn’t have their major interests were rejected. And we “found” these schools via the junk in the mailbox, google searches, and the like, but not with tons of effort. But the choice was always theirs, they are semi-adults. </p>
<p>Attending always comes down to money; even the greatest school on the planet is not worth 5 figures of debt at 21, imho. S2 applied to one school he knew we could never afford, but I told him at least he would always know whether they wanted him or not, and that would be worth the work of the application. Got accepted yesterday, with a big smile and no regrets.</p>
<p>Mine have/had pretty much free reign. They go in knowing what I’ll pay, and they’ll need to stay under that or take out loans. We didn’t even look at rankings because they’re essentially meaningless.</p>
<p>My kiddo chose her own school, and not even one I would have put on her list, out of many more “prestigious” acceptances. But, it’s her life, not mine, and she had her reasons, and I respect that.</p>
<p>three years in and it has gone very well, for her.</p>
<p>Do I think she would have been equally as successful and happy pretty much anywhere she went? Yes. It’s in her nature to be happy and busy and to work hard. Do I think it matters that I have an opinion on this? Not really. No.</p>
<p>I’m just happy she still comes home to visit when she has time.</p>
<p>For some families, finances are a big issue. That’s where I think it can get tricky. Usually in these cases, however, the parents really WISH the kid could choose WhateverU over University of the AffordableOption. It’s a tough situation, then. But, not for the reasons OP is asking.</p>
<p>Sorry but if someone decides mostly from the USNWR ranking, they are either ignorant or lazy. Rankings are one piece of information along with other “data” (cost, programs, readiness for graduate school, alumni network, etc…) and all of those put together make up half of what goes into a decision. The environment is the other half. If a student isn’t comfortable, he/she will not usually excel. For my son, we narrowed it down to several schools by program, quality (rankings are one part), geographic preference, and had to be in a city. Two schools made the cut from both data (objective) and environment (subjective) factors and he chose the one with an honors program and lower cost (good decision son!). He’s been very happy with his choice.</p>
<p>“Ignorant and lazy” are hardly words I would choose to describe a number of people I know who go this route. They have their reasons. I don’t think they are being open minded. I’ll also say that the parents I know who tend to be rigid that way seem to uniformly have the most successful kids in terms of getting through college and finding self sufficiency. I’ve been in this “college world” for 15 years now and have seen how it goes down, not to mention my own college years and experiences. Also, statistically, it is supported.</p>
<p>Where it does not work is with an individual situation, and that is how I approached it with my kids. I felt that a kid is far more invested in making things work out if s/he made the college choice, and frankly, my kids were not of the top material in terms of college selectivity. </p>
<p>But for those kids who are, most of the parents I know here, have pretty tightly regulated college choice, mostly by their talk and opinions starting years before the kids were even looking at schools.</p>
<p>Without us outright saying it (I would suspect it is the case with most parents here), our kids knew what range of schools they were “allowed” to apply to, even though most people like to say it was their kid’s choice. </p>
<p>When D2 said Stanford wasn’t for her, I didn’t insist on it because there were HYP, if that’s what she was shooting for. Between NU, Duke and Cornell, if she didn’t like the southern feeling of Duke and preferred NU, no problem. When D2 said she was ED Cornell over Yale, it did give me a pause because she had the stats for Yale and it was my secret dream that she would go there, but we did let her make that choice because of the “fit” for her. BUT if she had considered schools lower ranking (yes, based on USNWR) because of the location, weather, people, boyfriend/girlfriend going there…No, I would have strongly objected to it. </p>
<p>I think most parents have great influence over where their kids choose to go to school, directly or indirectly, at least well informed parents.</p>
<p>My D had a lot of choice. If she’d put a school on her list that we had serious issues with, we would have discussed it and I think we could have talked D out of an inappropriate school rather than having to forbid it. We’re footing the bill, but SHE is the one who will be spending the next four years at the school she chooses.</p>
<p>As it was, I don’t think D aimed as high as she could have, but she had a certain type of school in mind (large state flagship with good business schools, a wide variety of programs and activities and good sports), and that was fine with me. She applied to two matches and three safeties, got into all of them and chose one of the safeties. FWIW, she didn’t apply to the safeties as “safeties” per se; they were all schools she wanted to go to. From your other thread, this doesn’t seem like something you would have been able to do, which is unfortunate.</p>
<p>Yes, my post IS mildly misleading, in a way.</p>
<p>My husband was very in favor of my daughter’s choice, for the same reasons she was. So, it wasn’t like she went “rogue” on us and did something I didn’t understand or disapproved of. ;)</p>
<p>I was very much tested in my decision to let the kids choose. It’s not as though their intuitions are always right either. I’ve known kids who hated a school mainly because it rained during the visit and they stepped in a mud puddle. It’s not as though these kids are bastions of intuitive wisdom.</p>
<p>We guided our oldest two students (with very different lists of needs and wants) to schools where we felt they could best thrive… and we could afford. Their lists of schools included those picked by them, their guidance counselors and us - and in the case of our son, who was a recruited athlete… schools that contacted him.</p>
<p>Their lists were quickly pared down from schools numbering 30… to 15 or fewer… for a variety of reasons. We valued their opinions, since we had already done our due diligence by giving them nothing BUT good choices. In the end, it came/is coming down to fit for my guys - where we felt/feel they would be most comfortable. </p>
<p>My only regret is we groomed their lists based more on reach, match and safety… than where they would be funded Vs. unfunded. Fortunately we have two more kiddos in the pipeline, who also happen to be very high achievers where merit award consideration will play a bigger part of the process.</p>