Seems like the most obvious “skin in the game” would be when the parent says:
We can spend $X on your college (through your bachelor’s degree, so $X/4 per year, or $X/5 for a BArch program or if you take 5 years).
If your college ends up costing less than $X, the remainder is available for graduate or professional school or other educational costs.
If your college ends up costing more than $X, you have to take loans and contribute work earnings.
More than about $8-10k per year in loans and work earnings is not a realistic expectation, and we will not cosign loans or take parent loans (i.e. loans are limited to $5.5k-$7.5k per year federal loans).
Both my daughters were expected to cover their own discretionary spending. I paid for the travel to and from home and their books, but if they wanted extras–Starbucks coffee, vacation trips with friends, new clothes/shoes/boots, sorority dues, Zip cars, meals off campus, cabs to the airport to come home, etc–those were on them. They also had to pay for summer storage for all the dorm stuff they couldn’t–or didn’t want to-- pay to ship home for the summer. If they enrolled in summer classes–I paid their tuition, but they were responsible for paying their own room & board for the summer.
Neither kid had a car on campus, but if they did, they would have had to pay their auto insurance and campus parking fee.
Both had on-campus jobs starting their second semester of college (In fact, both had more than just one campus job at some point during their undergrad) and both worked summer jobs to earn their spending money.
They were also required to take out federal student loans to help pay for their dorm fees.
D2 had a substantial scholarship which was what made her OOS private affordable. She was required to maintain the course load and GPA required to keep her scholarship or she would have had to come home and attend our local state U. Because her scholarship was only good for 4 years/8 semesters, she knew if she need extra time to complete her degree, that cost would be on her.
Our kids are responsible for their subsidized loans. We may pay those off once they graduate (we have not told them that). We also ask them to kick in a min of $2500/year from their summer jobs. They are on their own for spending money, though I’ll include some cash or gift cards when I send care packages. We have asked D to chip in half of her study abroad trip this May (should it happen).
Ours paid for their spending on campus and had campus jobs to do so. We covered car insurance (none had cars on campus), phone, and books (which I bought, often used, to get really good deals - plus usually had credit card points to get them for close to free). We also covered travel.
What they did in the summer depended upon the kid. It might have been a summer job (2) or summer research - usually paid (1). There was also a summer in there that one took totally off. He’s my future doctor and we know free time for him in the future is going to be limited, so he asked first and easily got our blessing. We enjoyed the time with him!
All three of mine have since graduated and turned out fine - great with their finances and as humans. There was no need to ask for extra money from them. There’s nothing I would have done differently in hindsight.
Like others, they paid their discretionary expenses. Both had generous stipends from a national program geared to volunteering in the college community. Books became so much cheaper once rental programs started. We paid for transportation home on breaks, we wanted them to come home.
We paid $100 or so for the Walmart type trips at the begining of each semester, same as we always had, at home- more shampoo, whatever. They knew the limit. They paid half of their freshman laptops (well, if you insist on a Mac,) and about half from summer earnings (because the college worded it as their contribution. The rest could go toward discretionary. It’s all in how you do the math.)
None of this was hardship to them. We didn’t phrase it as “skin,” just simply their logical part- and of course, we were leaning on the fact that the college said they should be contributing.
I agree with this. The “skin in the game” that we expect is to take full advantage of the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of attending university. Good grades is part of this. For many majors internship or research or related work experience can also be important.
I also agree with the comment about making sure that you understand what criteria are needed to continue receiving any scholarship after the first year. Merit scholarships for example often have minimum GPAs that must be met to maintain the scholarship.
We only paid for a car if it was necessary to get to a job or internship or coop program that was very relevant for the child’s academic interest.
A really big part of university is for the student to learn to be an adult. Watching a budget, taking care of a car, getting good grades, and balancing research and classes are all part of this.
Not sure if we have that “skin in the game” mindset or it’s just the reality of what the situation may be. Our son will have various options some may be more expensive than others some he may need to chip in more than others depending on gap. He is well aware of this. I think because he is our first to go to college and because my husband and I very blindly went into expensive universities and came out starting our adult life with so much debt we are trying to be extremely up front and open with our son in regards to the GPA minimum to keep scholarship, his fed loans and our portion etc… Our son is on the same page with us and far from oblivious.
This has been an extremely helpful thread thank you all for your input and advice!
We could afford all college expenses for our kids. If they chose the most expensive school over schools that offered scholarships, they would have to take small loans. We did that because we felt they needed to understand something about debt, loans and making sound financial decisions.
Our daughter chose the most expensive college. The loans were about $2k a year, because we didn’t want her to have a lot of debt once she graduated.
She is glad she made the best choice for her. We feel it was the right choice also, given her post-grad outcomes. She graduated in 2020, works full time and has paid off more than half the loan.
Our son attends a public university and we did not make him take out loans. He had more expensive options that we felt might be better fits for him, but he knows himself. At the time, his rationale was that “he wouldn’t be $15,000 a year happier” at the more expensive schools.
He had a transfer option to a prestigious private, for which we would have asked him to do the same as his sister. He didn’t take that option, as he is happy at his public and also definitely feels that no private school is worth $75,000+ a year. He might have a point, which is something we endlessly debate here on CC.
Edit: Both of our kids pay for all discretionary costs. We don’t fund anything they do that isn’t college related. Both were expected to work over all summers and breaks.
My daughter had a generous merit scholarship and really didn’t “need” to work or have “skin in the game” since she was the studious type. She wound up taking a few on campus jobs because she had free time. I sent her grocery money, she rented books on my Amazon account but that was about it, she handled trips to Applebees with friends and stuff like that with her jobs/savings.
For my Son I am going to have him earn beforehand whatever the college he decides on used as their work/study figure. I don’t want him to “have” to work, and I am more concerned about him getting into College level “routine” without any additional time sucks. Going forward he can work as he sees fit, during the school year, and just stack cash from his summer work for the following year.
There is a fine line between “skin in the game” and “earn money at all costs forgoing opportunities” I would agree.
Don’t the students already have enough “skin in the game” in the outcome of their college education? My S makes about $1k/month as a TA for a course. I encourage it as long as it doesn’t interfere with his studies, but I certainly don’t require it.
They sure do! I am regretting typing “skin in the game”
We don’t anticipate asking him for anything unrealistic and his grades and opportunities such as coop /internships will come first.
I am by no means wealthy but earning $ at this stage of the game cannot be the be all and end all. I would almost like him to work now, and in the Summer, exclusively, and not have to worry about working in college to make ends meet.
We are similar to most. I didn’t require them to pay any toward their tuition/room & board/books. They both got substantial merit scholarships. IMO that was their contribution. They did the work to get those. Older S did have a work study, but it was limited in hours - maybe 5 hours/week. And, it was an office aide job. (not stressful!) He also ref’d soccer. That was seasonal, he could pick & choose his hours, and the hourly pay was phenomenal. Younger S is not working during the school year. I would rather he concentrate on school. Both kids pay for incidentals and fun money.
I want(ed) both kids to work during the summers/breaks, but it’s not easy here. Our area doesn’t hire college students. We have too many unemployed people (no college degree and many with no HS degree) that can work full time all year long. We found that out the hard way trying to get older S a summertime job after HS graduation and after his freshman year. He had to leave for other years and never worked breaks. I was lucky to find younger S an internship with my employer last summer, and they’ve kept him on staff indefinitely. He has been able to work over Xmas break and he can work whenever he’s home. His project will likely last years. No shortage of work for sure.
We asked both of our kids NOT to work their first term in college. We wanted them to have time to adjust to college life, studying, finding clubs and the like. Both had summer job money that they could use for discretionary expenses.
Neither of them did this. But both found fabulous jobs. DD worked in the university call center. There were blocks of hours from which to choose. They were paid an hourly rate but also got some sort of commission for donations over a certain amount. She did very well in the commission department!
DS got a job as an usher for the major symphony orchestra in his city. Since he was a music major, this was a win win job. Pay was actually very good plus, he was able to be in the house for half of each concert. It was like getting free tickets too. In addition, after the term ended, he ushered for the Pops Concerts at Christmas. They were paid triple time I’d they ushered for a full day which I think was 3 or 4 concerts. He made a ton of money doing that! He did that job all four years.
There is research out there somewhere that shows that college students who work about 10 hours a week actually do better in college than those who don’t work. These workers need to budget their time well, and organize.
We pay for our daughter’s tuition, room/board, books and travel expenses.
She takes care of her discretionary expenses at school. I think she spent around $300-350 her first semester away…some of it on movie rentals/music/etc, some on dinners out with new friends, some on replenishing toiletries as needed (we stocked her up before she went to school). She doesn’t expect to spend more than that this coming semester - and in fact thinks she will probably spend less.
My children are my responsibility until they finish school and get a job to support themselves. I personally don’t believe in the philosophy, “once you graduate HS you kick your kids out of the house.” I want my children to do well in their undergraduate studies. I then expect them to all go to graduate school (med, law, MBA, grad, etc…). Yes, I will support them through grad, med, law, MBA, etc… school too.
I don’t want them to be saddled with a ton of debt. They can get a job if they want to.
My parents took care of all my expenses till I completed Bachelors. They paid just tuition and fees for my first semester of graduate study with clear expectations that I’m on my own after that. I took care of boarding and all living expenses, as well as all future graduate semester tuition and fees through part-time work and a fellowship. However, it kept me from exploring internships that would have given me a jump start after college because most of them needed me to invest unpaid time upfront that I could not afford. Based on my experience, I told my kids that we’ll pay for their graduate study expenses as long as they take care of their bachelors tuition and fees through scholarships. We also offered to take care of summer expenses if they were doing research.
This has worked well for my first DD who got a full-ride for undergrad. She got some fee reduction for her medical school too, and we’re paying the rest and will also take care of her boarding, room etc. when she goes back to school after covid. She says working during medical school would have been extremely stressful for her. For younger one, we have offered the same, and are eagerly waiting to see how things play out.
I was a FA student. I worked 20+ hours/week to earn spending and food money. I did it because my parents didn’t give me the money. My grades could have been better (they were decent) and I also missed out on a lot of activities on campus. My parents told me much later on that they probably should have given me more spending money.
If you need your kid to work then it is what it is, but I would focus on them getting the best education possible. You are spending a lot of money for them to go to college and making minimum wage should not be the goal. On the other hand, I insisted on my kids to work at minimum 10 hrs/week while they were in school because I wanted them to have some work experience on their resumes.
I paid full for their school, incidentals and they had an allowance as long as they worked. D1 made a deal with me to let her go to the school of her choice by chipping in $10K/year (she had a full scholarship at another school). Every summer she gave me some money from her summer earnings toward that $10K. When she graduated I gave the money back to her. D2 was smarter, she didn’t even offer because she knew I wouldn’t collect.
This was also my thought. My kids are quite self-motivated about being successful at what they set out to achieve.
We have worked hard and started saving early, so we’ll pay for both of our kids’ college costs just as our parents did. I see no “lesson” in saddling them with debt and/or reducing their savings as they head off into the world.
We paid for tuition, books, and room and board. We also paid for travel to and from home and school and we gave a set allowance each month.
Our kids were on the hook for extras: spring break trips that were not back home and not school related, trips to Starbucks, meals out, etc.
