Why not apply at Interlochen for the school year? Or Walnut Hill or another art school? She can get the social experiences and remain lopsided, which sounds like her natural state.
@laenen, I totally agree, and see my mistakes now.
@Mama2Drama, applying to art schools was a plan and that’s why we chose Interlochen’s Summer camp. But when she came back, she ruled it out. She says she can do art for life, while there are other things that she can only experience while she is young.
I know nothing about BS, but have been following your threads because they are interesting. I want to offer this resource, as perhaps it will help you and your daughter make a decision. It is a TED talk called “How to Make Hard Choices.” It’s brilliant.
Here’s the descriptive blurb:
Enjoy.
http://www.ted.com/talks/ruth_chang_how_to_make_hard_choices
@Sculptordad it seems that you and your daughter are more interested in finding a place to grow socially and to have the time to learn new things while still a kid. Although I can certainly see all points of view, if the current short-term goal is not a college degree, then it seems the Grier opportunity might be best. JBS would let her grow and adjust to traditional schooling but as to the social aspects, she would face the challenge of integrating as a final year student and then have to turn around and find another school and experience more change and integration.
On the other hand, if Grier is your choice, then she is facing 4 (potential) years in which to learn, grow, and integrate. Friendships can become lasting ones, and new things learned (sports etc) can be mastered. Worst case scenario is that after the first year at Grier she wants to apply elsewhere. Then you are no worse off than if you had gone the JBS route… but also have the chance to fully become a long-term member of Grier’s society.
Good luck! I am sure your daughter will be a success… there are many ways to get there.
Not to burst a bubble but to bring some real life experience, the child of dear BS friends applied to a bunch of competitive BS last year as two older siblings already attended and the family knew both what they wanted and what the drill is. Student was waitlisted most places, rejected one and accepted to one they decided they did not want to pursue. In consultation with some of the key schools, JBS was highly encouraged. It was felt just a little more maturing would help (student is a boy, strong academically, competitive athlete, blah blah). They enrolled him in a recommended JBS for the year, he had a successful experience, and on M10…he was 12 for 12-wait listed everywhere. So there is no guarantee even if your D goes down the path.
Not to burst a bubble…
Here’s another thought. This JBS accepted your daughter with FA knowing she’s be attending for a year only. Are they trying to make some money or are they better on her for a good placement a year later? We know placement is JBS’s life line.
I just heard a talk about “destination addiction” in current students and how it turns high school into a 4-year college admissions exercise rather than a journey in and of itself. The audience was parents, and the speaker said that she felt that parents had a role in this – some more than others, whether it was making college the focus or simply enabling – and I couldn’t help but think of that as I read this.
I honestly can’t answer your question about whether a year at JBS will enable your daughter to be admitted to an “elite” BS. All of the responses above – even the ones that conflict with each other – make sense to me. Who knows why your amazing daughter didn’t get into her top choice schools? Maybe the adcoms will tell you, or maybe they won’t. If you are going to address what you feel were the shortcomings, are you doing it for the adcoms, or are you doing it for your daughter? If your daughter is feeling bad about the outcome, what role are you playing in that? (You are her father, her tutor – her world! If you’re unhappy with this outcome, is it possible for her to be happy with it?) I don’t ask these questions confrontationally (nor thinking you should answer on this board), but as things both of you may want to reflect on. In your heart, what do you and your daughter want her life to be when she finishes high school and why? She clearly has outstanding gifts, but what are her passions?
If you use the journey analogy, it’s like someone says “I have to go to L.A.!, I have to go to L.A.!” And when you ask why, they answer “I’ve always wanted to see the Pacific Ocean.” At which point, you realize that a lot of other places besides L.A. would give them what they want. And if you’re in Chicago, heading East is a bad idea, but if you buy a ticket to Denver, well… you’re on your way AND you get to see the mountains! Which is all to say, maybe you should start next year with the plan that this will be where she stays until college. She can make friends with a plan to stay friends, not with the idea that she is going through the motions to demonstrate social skills. I’m going to guess that with her gifts, she will rarely in her life be among true peers, so learning to deal with “normal” people is going to be a critical life skill. If early in the year, it seems like this may not be a good fit, talk to the counselors at her school about it and let them help you figure out whether re-applying makes sense (maybe she needs more academic stimulation, and maybe early college is better) or whether the issue is one that time can resolve (maybe she needs to become accustomed to being around peers). It’s possible that this will provide her with a better platform for more “elite” schools AND that she doesn’t need to that.
These 4 years are incredibly important in terms of personal growth, and they’re more meaningful when you can be present in them rather than simply grooming yourself for the next thing. You aren’t cutting off any options, you’re giving her a chance to be with people her own age, and you’re giving her a chance to develop independence. FWIW, I think you’ve done a great job in getting her to the point where she can have these opportunities. Try to be patient and see where they lead.
@brantly Thanks for the link. That speech was very helpful.
@london203 I have been studying Grier extensively, both their official materials and other information online. Grier offers everything that we wanted in the beginning when we decided to apply to BS. I am confident that daughter will become a good member there.
@dowzerw Thanks for the information. I realize that thinking about the possibility was not nearly close to hearing that it actually happened. Probably it will be much worse if we personally experience it.
@panpacific That’s a good point. JBS accepted her last Summer, and until then daughter had taken almost only art courses at CC so they might not have realized the extent of her atypicalness. Also they felt that daughter will be a good community member of their very small school where older students share many activities with younger ones.
@gardenstategal I and daughter knew we wanted BS but hadn’t quite articulated why she “needs” it as you clearly described. It is now more clear to me that she really needs BS and we can’t afford loosing the already given opportunity. Grier gives 100% of what she needs. She can’t risk it for additional qualities that a top BS may give, which is only what she wants and not what she truly needs.
We have been in a gifted homeschooling group with many kids who have achievement and talent dwarfing her. What she really wants now is not yet company of truly “normal” people who are abundant at LPS, but not the most competitive people either. She wants well brought and mature teens with decent moral standard and reasonable independent thinking ability who can share a lot of time outside of academics or other college preps. And she wants that company every evening.
She is used to self stimulation and learning through years of homeschooling. Unless a school forces lots of busy work that eats up all the free time, which Grier surely won’t do, I have no worry for her being academically unstimulated.
She doesn’t need flow of other highly motivated kids to follow. She can lead the motivation where there is some mood of wanting to do good work. She often talks about her classes. She had some difficulty in the past but now got the hang of organizing and leading group activities with community college students who might not be as smart but reasonably care their education.
My bad feeling is from so many rejections that left some scar on my ego, and not due to Grier. Her regrets is with not having done her best and not with the outcome itself.
@sculptordad: it sounds like Grier is a “go”! Exciting!! Congratulations to SculptorDaughter.
(This is a fabulous and outstanding thread and it’s great to see such an open and constructive conversation).
My personal view is very simple: What, other than name brand recognition perhaps, do these other schools that she would, in theory apply to next year, really offer her that Grier does not?
You were happy enough to apply to Grier in the first place, so you must have assumed–and been ok–with the potentiality that she would attend. So other than the sting of rejection (which I would not minimize, but that’s all it is), going through an uncertain JBS process to back, potentially in the same position next year–and as a 9th grade repeater having already moved close to a college curriculum–seems like a very tortured path. Her life will not be defined by anything other than her long-term success and happiness. And it should go without saying, nor yours.
She is intellectually capable of doing the work now of 9th grade–and obviously beyond. Grier was the best outcome. And it’s a great outcome. Unless she’s begging for an alternative path–and can clearly articulate in her own words why it is her chosen path–I’d endorse her moving to the next stage with no caveats.
The other option–which I don’t love but is a potential one–have her go to Grier. 9th grade curriculum there will be every bit as challenging as JBS. If, in a few months, she is still focused on a school or two that she really wanted this past cycle, have her apply as a 10th grader to that one or two schools. That’s still a big applicant pool, and all the boxes you’d hope she’d check at JBS, she could check at Grier. Transfers do occur especially at a younger age.
I hope what I am going to say will not be too controversial. If I had a child as good as OP’s per my perception, I would think Grier was not “good enough” for her. I mean it’s a natural reaction I wouldn’t dismiss as unreasonable. I don’t know how many of us here have intimate knowledge about the school, but it’s probably safe to say it’s out of “the top 30”? OP and his child didn’t feel they had done a good enough job in the application process and believe they could’ve achieved a better outcome if they had. Now they have the choices of enrolling in a BS or Grier. If it takes persuasion to like the school you are attending, it’s not a good starting position. Transferring out in a year is not the best proposition, especially when you have the other option, because you are looking to start the process basically after a semester in the school. How well you do in that semester and how cooperative the school is are big uncertainties (you do need LOCs from your current teachers and guidance counselor). On the other hand, JBS shares the same goal as yours, which is to place you in a good BS. That will make a lot of difference. So, my vote? If you like Grier, go for it and don’t look back. If you don’t, you have JBS as an option, which not many do. Use that to your advantage and work to achieve a better outcome for the next admission season. That been said, I think you need to start thinking of a Plan B. What if you don’t get enough FA next year, do you have a day school or a public school you could see your daughter going to?
Again: when you are applying to boarding school, especially if you are a sig FA family, please realize that for many families getting even one acceptance is a stunning victory, so don’t apply to any schools you would not attend without hesitation. If a school is “not good enough” for you and your family, don’t waste your time or theirs.
I agree with what others said about her disadvantage of being a unique and pointy candidate. Another significant one is being an ORM with FA need. If she was a FP candidate, I have no doubt she would have had many more acceptances (not all acceptances though, such as Andover (need blind) and Exeter.)
However, all she needs is one school to attend and she already has a wonderful ONE. How many more do you need?
I can understand her feeling she could have done more and the hurt with so many rejections.
Acceptance is not about her. It’s is about the school and their need to build the class.
The FA need (and ORM) will still be a huge disadvantage for any future M10s. However, it no longer will be when College application time comes.
I hope she has wonderful four years at Grier. As someone mentioned in anothe thread, in a couple of years, if she realizes the need, she could transfer to another BS school for a good reason or she could decide to go to Early college.
I feel that Grier provides more possibilities than the JBS leads to.
Congratulations again to you and your daughter and I hope you had some time to celebrate your hard work.
Agreed–my post was absolutely written from the POV that if Grier were not an acceptable outcome, it would not have been part of the application process. I feel like this is more about where she didn’t get in, in the post-process haze, as opposed the thoughtful component of picking the list in the first place. This kid seems too talented to do anything other than just take the next step–or steps–forward. It’s natural to want what you can’t have in life–we all do that–being happy is about maximizing the opportunity set and enjoyment of what you can have!
Are you revisiting Grier? You really need to… listen rejection sucks, and it never stops happening through out our lives, so it’s a meaningful experience. I like what was described above… how wanting to ‘best’ the rejection isn’t the same as ‘needing’ a different school. The sooner we learn that accepting rejection often means adapting/changing direction rather than obsessing on failure, the better we get at achieving goals, thriving and discovering happiness.
We hired consultants and found two good options including a JBS. Both kids are now at St. George’s and we are very happy.
I would have direct conversations with the AO at DD’s 3 favorite BS, before I made any decisions. Why operate in a a vacuum? I am sure they can understand that your DD is not a run of the mill applicant and for that reason it is hard for your to handicap her odds in the future.
Wait until things die down a bit.
I’m a lurker who has followed you and your daughters journey and wanted to chime in.
Yes, maybe your chances will improve next M10 by attending a JBS for a year, and maybe not.
But, what’s the ultimate end goal?
Your short term quest reminds me of the writings of Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg who says, that we should be thinking about the 35-year old adult we’re raising from the day our children are born.
Grier sought you out, gave you an incredible financial aid package, offers the arts she loves and a boarding school experience. Her four years at Grier will teach her much more than academics and will allow her to be a kid in a safe and supportive environment. While I don’t see the academics holding her back, you will have breaks to pursue independent study, and college soon enough!
My two cents!!
Hi @SculptorDad , thanks for your post. Has your daughter decided upon Grier or JBS? Both sound like good alternatives. And, a repeat 9th or even 10th grader sounds wonderful. It will give her some extra social maturity and a leg up academically.
@SculptorDad , if your child does not see being a professional artist as her future career, I think that it would be very helpful for her to enter some kind of public school or Grier or JPS ASAP. The work world is very collaborative. There are all kinds of folks and it takes a long time to develop the skills to survive and thrive in the workplace. School helps. Not for the explicit learning (like Calculus) but for all the projects that you have to do together and speaking up in class and learning from your mistakes, etc. The sooner you can immerse her, the better. She will be at a disadvantage, but I am sure will be a fast learner. If she doesn’t understand something or has a problem, she won’t be able to rely on Dad.
If, however, there is more than a glimmer of hope that she will be a professional artist, please consider the continued home schooling. I remember that NC Wyeth (a famous illustrator) deliberately did not put his son Andrew in school because he felt a formal education would ruin his son’s talent. What insight, huh?
So, if SculptorKid wants a “regular” career, please consider running (not walking) to a JBS or Grier. (And, no matter what do NOT apply to Exeter. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Exeter, they just don’t teach Math in a way a right brained gifted artist can likely understand easily. It would be a huge unnecessary pressure on her.)
Please expand your search of BSs if SculptorKid decides to reapply next year. Now knowing YOU wrote her recommendations is a big red flag. You are a loving and devoted parent. But, in a more formalized school setting, the assessments are more objective.
Fingers crossed for you and her. BTW, if you have been homeschooling her all these years ,and she leaves you next year, I am concerned you will miss her terribly. Consider getting iPhones (if you don’t have them already) so you can text her and FaceTime with her.
Best of luck!!!
@sculptordad I have lost track, but I confess I am curious about the final outcome! Did you make a decision yet?