<p>Do you talk daily? Weekly?
Do you text? Daily? Hourly? Weekly?</p>
<p>I remember back in the day, I maybe talked to my parents once a week, if that.</p>
<p>Now that DD has been gone 5 days, I must say....I'd really like to talk to her (really talk for 10 mins or so not the 30 second calls I've been getting) once a day or every other day.</p>
<p>And I'd like to get random texts 2 or 3 times a day.</p>
<p>But I understand my expectations may be unreasonable....so, how often do you talk and text with your college freshman?</p>
<p>I text my son at least once a day. I ask him to call me if something big happened that day. Today was his first day of classes so I asked him to call. He wouldn’t contact me so often if I didn’t initiate it though. It is really for me not him.</p>
<p>A once a week ‘heartbeat call’ at a predetermined time is the gold standard from what I understand. Many check in via text and call here and there more frequently, but if they get busy, no one gets their feelings hurt as long as that weekly call is met.</p>
<p>I certainly text here and there but don’t worry if he doesn’t get back with me.</p>
<p>What has worked well for us is Skye. Not the video part, but the on-screen messaging. I can tell when DS is online, and I shoot him a quick note. He can reply or not (unless I’ve told him it’s important). It’s like texting, but I can type much faster on a computer keyboard than on those tiny phone buttons! And it’s fun because I have a record of everything we’ve talked about for the past year.</p>
<p>That would be terrific for most of US! But you state that your expectations may be unreasonable. Some students do just what you describe. Mine did not. Please try to take some comfort in knowing that you have raised a competent and self-sufficient kid. Your relationship will evolve.</p>
<p>I think that there is a very important part to this- let them bond to the dorm / kids/ college- time to let them grow up without you- you are always there mentally but not physically.</p>
<p>Last year frosh D texted most days, called at least weekly and we skyped often. I texted her first if I had something interesting or newsworthy but tried to let her initiate. We started FB chatting second semester pretty often.</p>
<p>I think girls are generally better at communicating with their parents while in college than boys are, at least that is the case with our kids. My S has called once, since we said goodbye three days ago, only because my wife texted him and asked him to call. My D would call home around three times per week. I’m guessing my S will call home around three times per month!</p>
<p>We have decided not to contact our son at all until parents day in October. He knows he can call or text and we will be here for him. We believe it is his best interest to separate from us completely for a few months. He is our only child.</p>
<p>I dropped D off yesterday (sob). I sent her a few emails just regarding some logistics stuff, nothing that required an immediate responses. I texted her a “goodnight” text just now, no expectation of response. I think back to when I was in college - it was fun and exciting to do things on my own. Our expectations are simply that we talk live once a week; the rest of the communication will be up to her. That doesn’t preclude me from texting the occasional “how are you” but I really think the pressure needs to be off her; she needs to focus on bonding with her new friends, making her way, etc. versus spending her time texting and calling me. She knows me already :-_)</p>
<p>My D phoned daily her freshman and sophomore year. At first I think she did it because she was worried that I cried when I dropped her off (just couldn’t help it!). But I think she likes the connection, too – she was always the kid who followed me around after school to tell me about her day. When she was abroad, she emailed or chatted on Facebook with me daily (to be fair, I asked for at least a daily email just to know she was okay, as she was living in a studio apartment in a slightly dodgy neighborhood in a city where she didn’t know anyone when she arrived). Last semester in DC, we chatted maybe 4-5 times a week.</p>
<p>But she is the exception. You can’t make them contact you that often if they aren’t inclined to, I think. I am sure D2 will be much more “normal” in this respect, and I won’t hear from her nearly as often.</p>
<p>Boys tend to communicate with parents less than girls.</p>
<p>Both of my kids didn’t communicate much at all the first few weeks…probably their way of “being independent”!!!</p>
<p>But, after awhile, the calls/texts/emails began. </p>
<p>Someone once did a college survey…when kids are walking on campus and texting, they’re usually texting pals. When they’re walking to/from class and on the phone, they’re talking to parents.</p>
<p>True, but it’s important to let the student take the lead. </p>
<p>If the student is dreadfully homesick, as mine was, there won’t be a need to reach out – they’ll be in touch all too frequently. Mine texted me 5 times a day. I finally stopped responding to every upset text; it didn’t do either of us any good.</p>
<p>If the student is adjusting well, then I think it’s best to leave them alone (I do agree with a weekly “heartbeat” check). If they don’t feel a need to be in constant contact with you, that means they’re doing well and handling things on their own. As the mom of a former homesick kid, I would have given just about anything NOT to hear from her every day.</p>
<p>Of course, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this. If the student is happy and wants to chatter on the phone every day, great. If the student is happy and has to be dragged to the weekly heartbeat text, that’s also great, although not as fulfilling for the parent. But they should determine both the frequency and modality.</p>
<p>At a parent forum at D’s Orientation two years ago, I remember hearing that we could facilitate their adjustment by NOT being a daily presence in their lives, and letting them experience their independence.</p>
<p>^ Interesting m2ck - I wonder if kids call their parents on the way to class because the call has a very specific end time…“gotta go mom, I’m at class.”. No matter what you’re discussing at that point you have to say goodbye. You can’t make them late for class. Very savvy!!</p>
<p>I’m feeling my way here (1st child at college) but I’m following smile12157 and pizzagirl’s example – I respond to her texts; I don’t call; I pretty much leave her alone. </p>
<p>I did send her a random email (notes from home) with what’s going on (emphasis: nothing). I was making dinner Saturday night, and she texted me, then H’s phone rang. He was in the shower, so I glanced at the phone, and it was her! I picked up. Call was brief. I’m thinking now, I shouldn’t have picked up. She wasn’t calling me. And if she wanted to call me, she could do so.</p>
<p>So I’m trying to hold back, because I agree – these first weeks are very exciting, and very busy. I want her to make new friends, not be tethered to mom asking “how is going? Did you pick out your classes? How is your roommate?” </p>
<p>When I was at college, I don’t think I even did the weekly call home. I was the 4th child to go to school; I moved myself in; I think my parents forgot to impose any “call home” requests; I think they were a little surprised when I came home for Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>D1 called me daily when she was in college, sometimes more than once. We talked as we would when she was home. She told me about what encountered in her daily life, not asking for my advise per se. She is working now, living overseas for few months, and she still calls me daily, sometimes missing a day because we were too busy to talk. She just told me that she willl have 2 weeks off end of Dec (mandatory time off), and she will come home to see us during that time. Of course, the fact we may go to away to a beach vacation kind of helped her with the decision too.</p>
<p>Congrats to all parents with new college students.</p>
<p>With cell phones kids can call whenever. Probably my favorite call Sophomore year - “Mom, how many potatoes do I need to make Potato Latkes?” Uh - how many do you want to make? Potatoes are like 49 cents a pound, buy whatever and give what you don’t use away. Or use that “smart phone” of yours and google!</p>
<p>Having a cell phone just extends the umbilical chord IMHO and mostly I don’t like it. I’ve gotten those I’m walking to class so I thought I’d call for 30 seconds and then hang up on you. Very frustrating.</p>
<p>The late night calls when they’re upset are the worst - they’ve vented and are ready to go out afterwards and you lie in bed worrying.</p>
<p>My view, no news is good news, no matter how unsettling that might be!</p>
<p>My daughter does most of the calling, and I rarely call only to touch base, but I cannot imagine any parent letting two months pass without needing to talk about family matters or how things are going. I think severing the ties in this manner can convey a lack of concern for the child, even if it is not intended by the parent. I know that my kids would be hurt if I did not call them for two months. While I understand that the parents do not want to be overbearing, cutting communication is not the best way to foster independence.</p>
<p>I’ve had texts and emails every day since she left, a few quick phone calls and 2 Skype conversations. Today’s emails were to tell me what her final classes were going to be and last nights texts were just after her audition for the theater.</p>
<p>I don’t initiate any of the texts and just reply to hers but it’s so nice to know that she seems to be busy and feeling settled. Can’t imagine not hearing from her for a week, never mind a few months :(</p>