<p>Just wondering... once you send your children off to college - do you visit them there? If so, how often? What do you do on your visits? How long do you stay? Where do you stay? And if you are a student - how do you feel about parents visiting you at college?
Thanks!</p>
<p>I'm a student. I usually see my parents about once every term and then during vacations, though not necessarily during the one-week Spring break. I'm a short plane flight from home, but it's not an economic hardship for my parents to fly to my school or for me to fly home for a weekend. I'm very happy with how often we see each other. Usually in the fall my parents come and visit me at school for Parent's Weekend, which falls near my birthday. I'll have dinner with them the night they arrive and then we'll usually spend the next afternoon and evening together. My parents can drive me to pick up things I need at the store or mall and take me out for some good meals. In the winter or spring I may go home for a weekend. It's good to get a short break from dorm life, which can be busy and stressful. I can just go home and enjoy the quiet for a day or two, and of course get some home-cooked meals. If my parents visit, they usually stay in a hotel downtown. We try to find a time when I don't have papers or exams early the following week. It's worked out really well so far.</p>
<p>It's on the opposite coast, so I visit perhaps once a year - usually but not always in conjunction with a business trip. I stay about two days and see D usually about twice during that time. I stay in a hotel.</p>
<p>We are within a comfortable drive away and we have visited one time per year.</p>
<p>Have visited S (a jr) at college exactly once. It was last summer after he got back from a trip to Europe. We took him out to eat and visited a few hours. He is only 2.5 hours from home so he comes to visit us instead of us going to him.</p>
<p>S is half a world away. I went to visit once for parent's weekend. H visited on a different weekend on the way home from a business trip. We stayed with a family friend, S spent one night with us at the friend's house. He spent some of the weekend doing his normal routine, and had dinners with us.</p>
<p>We see S (2nd year) a lot in the fall because we go to all of the home football games and tailgate with him, his friends, and their parents. He also sits with us during the games so he and H can talk. S says the kids don't really watch the game seriously. Last year, we only saw him once or twice in the spring passing through on our way back from the mountains for a hike--usually take him out to dinner. However, this year, H is making noises about going to some of the college basketball games. It is only an hour drive and father/son like to watch sports together. I would skip the basketball myself.</p>
<p>S doesn't have a car at school and doesn't come home except on Thanksgiving and for about a week over Christmas (between skiing and back to school early for a J-term). Spring break he goes away with friends, Easter he stays at school, and he lives away from home most of summer as well.</p>
<p>My son's school was an easy hour and a half drive from us, and his sister was a further hour north of that. There was a two year period when they both were in college at the same time.</p>
<p>My son was a music performance major, and we took a number of trips to see his orchestral and chamber performances, as well as a couple to see a visiting artist's concert.</p>
<p>My d was a starting varsity soccer player and we would see as many home games (plus the occasional away game) that our schedules permitted. At least once a season, they would have games scheduled for both Saturday and Sunday, and we would come up on a Friday night, and make a weekend of it. My son would drive up from his school and catch a game if his schedule permitted. It also worked out that if he had a performance on these weekends, we would see the game in the afternoon, and his performance in the evening.</p>
<p>Real time spent with the kids was fairly minimal, and other than the actual event, was usually limited to lunch and/or dinner, and the time it took to transfer various food and drink items we had purchased in quantity to resupply their respective larders.</p>
<p>D was in an animal care major, at a very dog friendly school, and we would often bring our (read as HER) Newfoundland along if we weren't making a weekend of it.</p>
<p>Visited DD for parents weekend after she had been there for 2 months, then went to 2 performances after that. Stayed in hotel and she joined me a couple of times to get a big bed, quiet night and long hot uninterrupted shower. I combined business with the performance trips so was there a couple of nights and saw her for dinner one night or snack after the performance. One time took her shopping. Won't be there as often in spring since I will be out of the country during performance times so may only make it once.</p>
<p>She seems to feel it is about right. She was home for Thanksgiving and Christmas break. Not sure about other breaks and summer plans may be in a different city. School is a 3 hr flight away but can be done cheaply with planning.</p>
<p>We had a conflict with parents weekend this year so we haven't been at all. Son is more than 6 hours away in the car. I'd kind of like to visit some time this spring and actually see a bit of Pittsburgh. Don't know that we will though.</p>
<p>My own children very seldom. The neices and nephews are closer and need more help so visit them about every other month.</p>
<p>S attends college 6 hours away (driving). We usually go up once a year for a couple of nights (in a hotel). He comes home Thanksgiving, Winter Break, sometimes Spring Break and for a couple weeks in the summer.</p>
<p>Two daughters, each five hours away. One visit each per year for three or four days, excepting the semester D#1 was ill. (Oh, and I guess I should mention the six phone calls and four emails each week.)</p>
<p>My oldest I visited 4 times (and was within a 2 hr. drive)--once to move in, once to help move to apt, once when younger son was visiting campus and graduation/move out.</p>
<p>D. I visited a 3 to 4 times a year-- she rode on collegiate equestrian team and I went to a few of her shows and we bought a condo there and occasionally went to oversee some repair etc. on condo. </p>
<p>Youngest son--first 2 years was on campus probably 4 times a semester, though much of the "visits" were due to him having 2 emergency surgeries.
This year have not been at all yet (except for move in)</p>
<p>S is 8 hour drive or plane ride away - we visited at Parent's Weekend both last year and this, then we drive him back after winter break. He comes home for Thanksgiving, winter break, and spring break.</p>
<p>Visiting consists of moving in/out, transporting for rare weekends home and vacations. It's a few hours of driving. Get to see son's room twice- move in/out days. Some lunches before leaving town. Know the town from my past, avoid invading his space. BTW, travel time is usually spent with sleeping back seat passengers.</p>
<p>i'm about 2 hours driving from home when i'm at school, so i can come home pretty easily. mizzou had a PHENOMENAL football team this year and i think my parents came to 3 or 4 home games (both are alums) so we tailgated and then hung out a little afterward. i went home for labor day (my birthday) as well as a few weeks later for my boss' wedding (a wonderful affair!) and stayed for the weekend both times.</p>
<p>my mom also came up after rush week to take me out to lunch and to see the house. we had a great time. i believe my mom and aunts plan to visit me this semester to do something similar again. </p>
<p>i like having visitors! worked out very well for us. it's nice to know that i can come home basically when ever i want.</p>
<p>Older 2 lived 4 hours' drive one-way, with weak options for air travel. I sometimes went to "fetch" them home for vacations but didn't stay overnight.
These were not particularly enjoyable, because I drove 8 hours in a day. </p>
<p>To brighten my year, I began to look for when they had stage performances (their favorite EC). I'd work until around 3 p.m. on Friday and arrive just in time for an 8:00 curtain. It was strange to see them first onstage before we could hug, but I always let them know if I'd be in the audience. One did this Carol Burnett thing, pulling on his ear to say "hi." </p>
<p>I stayed in a motel and we'd meet the next day at lunchtime off-campus, just us two. If I could stay into Saturday night, I'd invite my kid to invite another friend or two out for an off-campus early light dinner before the Sat night performance. That way I got to meet their friends and there was always someone who'd say yes to a free meal off-campus. It kept the meal reasonable, because before a show all anyone wanted to eat was a light salad or sandwich. Then after the show, I'd never ever ask to go along to a cast party. Those are not for parents. I would drive home late Saturday night, feeling I had gotten a LOT of value for my one night of motel. </p>
<p>I generally proposed off-campus meeting places because my kids were very busy with studies and performing. I didn't want them to clean up or in any way disrupt their normalcy. I believed the dorm space was theirs, and not mine for inspection.</p>
<p>When they became upperclassmen and started to have more options for where they could spend their nights, they began to offer me the use of their own dorm bed to save me the motel cost. I took that offer, but generally felt I had to hide in the dorm room and not upset anyone else on the hall. I basically sneaked in and stayed put all night, keeping the lowest possible profile solo in their room. For us, the cost of a motel made a difference. Otherwise I would not recommend staying in a student dorm. It's illegal, first of all, and not appreciated by hallmates who might feel a bit judged by a parental presence. </p>
<p>Once I brought my 80-year-old mom along to see one of their shows. It was a great time for her. </p>
<p>I did see a parental unit surprise their S at a senior thesis performance. They flew in from California to Massachusetts to surprise him. I thought that was fabulous. </p>
<p>The main thing is to respect that they are extremely busy on campus except for mealtimes. Other families say they shop with their kids, so that might be fun. </p>
<p>In freshman year, because I arrived in a car, S (no car) would have a few errands backed up that I helped with. By sophomore year, however, he had learned to impose on all of his friends so those requests stopped.</p>
<p>Last year I ended up visiting once each quarter in addition to going there for move-in and move-out. Went for Parent's weekend in the fall and Easter weekend in the spring. I was surprised to see that many other parents had come for Easter too. During the winter, DS had had a particularly grueling week and needed a bit of a mental health break. Fortunately, airfares were quite cheap and the weather was cooperative, so I flew there and spent 1 1/2 days with him and we had a great time. This year, we have only gone once at Parent's weekend. As of now, I have not made any plans to go there this winter but if things work out, I would like to go visit.
So far DS has really enjoyed our visits. He seems genuinely happy to see us and likes doing things with us. Sometimes we go into the city, maybe catch a play or movie, take him and a few friends out for a reasonably priced dinner, etc... I think the "highlight" for him though, is the grocery shopping, trip to Target to stock up, or trip to the mall. As with any other college kid, he loves the fact that mom, not him, pays for all this stuff.</p>
<p>When DS was in undergraduate school (only 2 hours away), we went to all of his concerts...so we saw him (on stage...) at least 4 times each semester. He is now in grad school and DH has business travel that takes him to the same town. He has been there twice during the fall term. He'll probably be there monthly for the duration of DS's schooling. Pretty convenient!! DD, OTOH is on the opposite coast. We haven't visited her at college at all.</p>